To me, hopeless means it's still awful and you've tried everything (including going to other places for treatment), have tried ALL medications and med combination and still aren't better.
You have tried some thing, maybe you consider that a lot of things -- but YOU ARE BETTER -- so that means there is tons of stuff left to try. If one thing can work, then other things can work too.
I also only think (honestly) the only people who don't desrve every resource are the ones that deliberately hurt other people -- like repeat child molesters. Sociopaths or criminally insane people. I think they should just stay in jail-- so the rest of us are safe.
So... you are fine! Always feeling suicidal is something we can learn to live with; many, many, many people do. I used to be one of them, and then I found a medication that worked. But... it only worked after a few years. Sometimes these meds need a ton of adjusting -- sometimes we need to add another medication on top of the one we are on to be better. At the same time, we can't do drugs or alcohol -- or anything else that will mess with our brain chemistry.
One thing that always helped me, was to imagine my suicidal feelings like a bratty kid. I'd have a bad day -- and immediately be back in that space -- just wanting to be dead. I'd imagine taking that bratty kid by thehand and tell them, I understood. I knew they felt that way, but the adult me, the brave and strong me was in charge now, and we'd get through whatever it was together.
I also had a ton of bad luck -- so lits of bad things happened -- I had a lot of chances to practice that "inner child" work. I'd just always imagine that I was re-parenting the hurt child inside. I certainly did a better job on my worst day, than my mom ever did... so I'd do that until the feelings subsided.
You can find what works for you. INSIST on being happy no matter what your brain chemistry tells you. DO, think, say, feel whatever you want to feel better.
Keep looking for solutions -- western medicine isn't the only answer. Do you like counseling? I did... but outgrew therapists pretty fast. This is also what I did for a living, so I knew a lot...
Tell me more about you.... who are you outside of being bipolar? What else have you tried? What triggers the suicidal feelings?
wow, thanks so much, i think thats the first piece of lateral thinking ive ever recieved in relation to suicidal thoughts i will try to use it or at least a variation of it, i was diagnosed with this 10 yrs ago but have since my early childhood. I had 4 bad yrs then 4 good and last year it all started again. I am a youth worker but have lost my job now. I am usually fine day to day but nobody knows the darkness inside me and i can smile and be distracted but its always there in the background eating away at me.
I am having counselling every 2 wks its good cause i can take about suicide there and nowhere else. The best therapy i have had though is ect (shock treatment). I know i should think positively and everything but sometimes its just too much, i feel like i cant breathe and i get distressed. I dont know what else to say, i thank you for your refreshing response.
It saddens me to hear that's the first piece of lateral thinking you've ever received in relation to suicidal thoughts... I'm full of these!
Do whatever it takes to learn to live with it.