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Nancy, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 746
Experience:  ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
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im a 43 year old woman could you tell me how to deal with rejection

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im a 43 year old woman could you tell me how to deal with rejection in an adult way. I act more like a child being naughty to give them a reson to dislike me rather than dislike me for myself



Could you tell me a little bit more about what you mean by, "I act more like a child...".


How specifically do you deal with rejection?



Customer: replied 7 years ago.

to justify the rejection in my head i react by being the worst person i can be because it hurts so much to be rejected for myself so its almost like a child who isnt being shown any love and attention will act up to get attention even if its negative the pain is unbearable .i know it stems from constant rejection from my father even in adulthood what can i do to stop the pain because its like a chain reaction once it starts i just kick back in anger .

The first step is realizing that rejection is a part of everyone's life. With that, we have to take responsibility and own our feelings. In other words -- it's not about the person who rejects you -- it's about you. Realizing that helps you to not take it out on them. For most people, that works... they feel sad and hurt but move on.


If you find you can't move on; that your feelings of pain and sadness persist, it's likely you have a low grade depression -- people with this low grade depression have a much more difficult time letting go of people; they have abandonment issues. This form of depression, called dysthymia, also creates a dependency in people-- which often ruins relationships. People with dysthymia often have problems with feeling tired a lot, having other interpersonal relationship problems and motivation.


If any of that sounds like you, you may want to consult a psyciatrist for an evaluation for antidepressant medication -- success rates are very high, and people report being MUCH happier.


I hope this answer helps. Please feel free to write back with and follow up questions.



Customer: replied 7 years ago.
i am on prozac at the moment would another medication be better for this kind of depression

What dose are you on and how long have you been on it?



Customer: replied 7 years ago.
20mg for 8 months
Are you feeling better on the prozac?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
origionally it stopped me binge eating which was the way i coped with stress.i cant say i feel happier i feel prozac has taken away my conscience so i dont knock myself for reacting in a negative way but this doesnt stop it affecting my relationships quite the now back to binge eatig

There are other medications you can add to help with the binge eating -- talk to your Psychiatrist about which one would be best for you.


It also sounds like you'd really benefit from having someone to talk to about all of this. Have you tried counseling?



Customer: replied 7 years ago.
yes tried cognetive therapy but these feelings of abandoment and rejection are so deep rooted that it doesnt take long for my low self asteem to start baming myself again .iv tried exercise it does make you feel better but if i feel im not liked for a reason it all goes out the window and as soon as i turn to food again the self hatred starts again its almost as if i need to continuosly reaffirm in my head that my father is right about me.looking at that it doesnt make sense one part of me agrees with how my father makes me feel about myself and the more logical side gets angry and tells anyone who makes me feel that way to go to hell .Its like a battle in my head sometimes logic wins sometimes low self esteam wins only need to find a more level headed way to deal with these emmotions how do i do that when i cant stick to one decision

Find books and other information on your "inner child"; when you accept that you have a hurt little girl living inside of you -- and you start reparenting her, you will get better.


Just keep imagining that you are now the parent of you, when you were a little girl. You have to take care of and protect that little girl. It's your job now...


Is your Dad right? NO! So don't let him hurt that little girl anymore. YOU are in charge now. Take care of her -- she is hurt, scared, angry, confused, and is looking to you to make it better.


Make it better.


Don't make her binge, don't make her sad...

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