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Lively
Lively, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 260
Experience:  Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, 10 years experience working with individuals, couples, & families
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i think my girl friend has sever mental problems. been together

Resolved Question:

i think my girl friend has sever mental problems. been together 4 years and she has 2 children. one whose father is in prison for murder and the other dead from a drug overdose. my understanding from other people is that all of her past boy friends were of the same character. i have given the 3 more than they could have ever imagined financially. but she is never happy and always puts me down. everyone says she stands near me rolling her eyes at anything i say. she tries to control my every move but yet has never shown any signs that she may actually love me. no touching, petting etc. now we r sort of separated, i am on the road for months at a time. we speak daily, say we love each other when we hang up but when i ask if she is seeing or interested in seeing someone else instead of saying , i love u of something similar, she says i dont have time!!! u must be seeing someone 2 ask me that.she constantly says things and later says it was me that says them. is she nuts or does she luv me
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lively replied 8 years ago.
Customer

 

I can't say for sure whether your girlfriend loves you or not, but based on what you've written about your relationship it sounds like you don't really FEEL loved. If you're not getting much physical affection, don't feel appreciated, and worry that she's not trustworthy, it sounds like the relationship could be very stressful and unfulfilling for you. My guess is that there are things about the relationship that you like or you wouldn't have stayed in it for so long, but I wonder if those things outweigh these painful aspects that you have described here.

 

I would suggest that, rather than focus on whether or not she loves you, you focus on whether or not this relationship is making you happy. If so, then great. If not, what would you need to change to make it so that it's fulfilling for you? What would you need her to change? It would be optimal if you and she (together) are willing to work on those things.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
she cant change because if i say you do this or that she says it is me who did or said it. if i try to confront her about problems in the relationship she immediately cuts me off and rants about 50 different things in a matter of seconds. she often turns violent over near imagined things and destroys anything that is mine at any financial cost. but truly seems not to remember things she has said. i clearly see mental issues but don't know what i am looking for. i need 2 know what sets off these raging fits that don't even make sense. she was abused by her grandfather. she told me more about herself the first 2 weeks than in the last 4 years, i dont want to leave her but i dont no how to reach her. any advise would be greatly appreciated
Expert:  Lively replied 8 years ago.

I don't know what causes your girlfriend's rages- fits of rage can be caused by lots of things including (but not limited to): bipolar disorder, extreme anxiety, hormonal imbalances, post-traumatic stress disorder, sleep deprivation, etc. It sounds as though your girlfriend could use some professional help in sorting out why she is so angry with you and has so much trouble accepting responsibility for working on issues in your relationship. Unfortunately, you cannot force her to get professional help, nor can you force her to listen to you. Again, it might be more useful to think about how you'd like to handle your distress over this rather than focusing on how to change her.

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