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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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I am a 39 year old female. Life has never been great, I have

Customer Question

I am a 39 year old female. Life has never been great, I have been in some therapy but it always seemed to stress me out and be another thing, errand, appointment I needed to do. I am a single mom of two children 13 and 16. I work full time as an office manager for a small corporation(8years). Relationships with men start out good..they all say were best friends... I'm the best girlfriend! but end up with me feeling like I'm hanging on to them like the cat with the claws poster! My family and my kids say I love to yell and argue which is quite the opposite I hate and avoid conflict usually. My mother died when I was 10 years old and although I don't think I have ever let this define me My question is have I just been waiting to die? I recently had a cancer scare myself and I am wondering if the way i have chosen to live my life and treat the people in my life and myself (I'm fat) like I was just going to die anyway so what's the point? How after all these years can I get over this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 5 years ago.
Hello:

I think you have answered your own question: You don't believe you deserve to have a happy life. For some reason, you have decided that your are not good enough. This shows up in your relationships, and is why you feel you are holding onto to the end of the rope with your claws. I suggest you find a therapist who will challenge you to face some of your worst fears, i.e. that you really do think you do not deserve to be happy, which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you don't want to start in therapy again, there are several self-help books available which address both moods and self-esteem. David Burns, MD has written a wonderful book called FEELING GOOD. It has a workbook that goes along with it and should be a great help to you.

There is also another book called THE SELF ESTEEM WORKBOOK, by Glenn Schiraldi. The most important thing for you to do is start to change how you think about yourself. You need to change your negative thinking and start to believe that you deserve to be happy. Please take action on this. You will be glad you did.
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
Carol Kryder LMFT and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It's only with the boyfriends when the relationship should be over (like 3 months ago) I feel like I hold onto them like the cat holding on with his claws poster. I want a husband so bad but the ones who want me I'm not attracted too and the ones who I like end up just wanting to be friends even though the sex is always pretty good I am an excellent lover I love being close Why is this ?? Is it my self esteem?? and the fact that I really don't feel good about myself?? One boyfriend told me I sell myself short all the time doing for all except myself I will get the two books you recommended but why didn't the other therapist ever suggest this ? They never told me to read anything??
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 5 years ago.
Hi again:

I don't know why your other therapist didn't suggest those books. They are part of a cognitive-behavioral approach and your therapist may have practiced another modality of treatment.

You love being close to others because you gain self-esteem from being close to someone else. Some therapists might say you have issues with abandonment. You are an example of a person who will give sex to receive intimacy and love. Some guys will pick up on your neediness and that is when they move away and just want to be friends.

My suggestion is that you try to work on yourself for a while before you get into another relationship and at least feel somewhat better about yourself before looking for another boyfriend.

I know you can do this. Please practice loving yourself. You will be so glad you did. Take care.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for all your insight I can't afford another payment this week I will be in touch , Victoria.
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 5 years ago.
No worries. Good luck

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