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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4046
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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People shun me everywhere i go and treat me like i am a social

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People shun me everywhere i go and treat me like i am a social misfit which i am because i cannot make friends and don't enjoy mixing with people. I want to make friends but don't know how and before have felt severely loneliness. I work 2 days and never go out unless it is for shopping, people seem to know i have no friends and literally run away from me. How can i first get the mental impressions of social integration then be in a position to be 'normal' to use the standard routes of new class or exercise class to meet people, before i actually make friends. At the present I have nothing whatsoever to give to anyone.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 5 years ago.

Hi there,

 

Welcome to Just Answer !

 

I am really sorry to know, that you have been realy struggling to find good friends in your life , as friends act as stress busters , they make you feel special and wanted , and definitely make your life easy going .

 

However i would like to ask you that whether you never had friends till date?

 

You have mentioned that , you are parents are strict , in what way you mean to say they are strict , do they interfere your going out , even at ths age when you are an adult, i can understand that parents are overtly concerned about their kids welfare , and so are a bit intrusive and and strict, but you need to elaborate on it ?

 

Do you have any sibling/s , if yes then how is your interaction and relation with them and also with your cousins or other family members, do they also avoid you?

 

Regards...

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi, i have known a few people i would call friends but deep down i knew they didn't really want to go out to the cinema or something, so in truth i have never had friends for all 26 years of life and education and have had to put up with women and guys being very nasty. my parents don't want me to get a girlfriend in case i go bad like start to drink and do sex and so on, also they put me down all the time and consequently suffer from extreme low self esteem. i don't feel worthy of anything and find it very hard to study and concentrate and don't think it is necessary to look after myself regularly like taking baths regularly or mixing with people is not for me. i have 1 sister she's 32 and ran away from home about 15 years ago and haven't seen her since. I also have 2 older brothers one is a paranoid schrizophrenic and lives in a hostel and takes mediaction everyday. i see him everyday. He is a good brother and helps me, my other other brother is 29 and is married and lives away, he is also good. It is just me that doesn't fit in societys ideal way of walking and talking. To sum up I have a messed up family and i have extreme low self esteem further driven in by peoples negative and my parents are strict and frown upon me going out at night especially and mixing with girls and put me down all the time like i am a dissapointment for them and and have never had any friends my whole life. thank you
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 5 years ago.

Thanks for the reply.

 

Well, from the life history you have narrated to me , it seems that you have developed Social Anxiety and Depression , over a period of time, and please do not mind my saying this , but i need to be honest here , i think because of your elder sister running away at a young age, and you being the youngest child of the family , your parents have become overprotective of you, because probably they harbor a fear that in future you may also abandon them like your sister did , that is why they have been strict on you and have not been supportive of you making new friends.

 

This may come to you as an odd surprise , but this is human nature and a kind of defence mechanism we people adopt to protect ourselves from any sort of future hurt and probably your parents have also adopted it and unknowingly , unintentionally they have been hurting your sentiments , by not letting you live your life with freedom and on your own terms.

 

The basis i have for my diagnosing you as someone with Social Anxiety, is that ,because over the period of time you have developed this fear and apprehension about being noticed and judged by people when ever you are in a public surrounding , like you have mentioned girls get to know immediately that you have got no friends , the moment they see you and as a result you end up being self conscious and try to be inconspicuous and just move away out of the scene , thinking , in fact believing that they have shunned you away. Actually , it is the thought of rejection that comes to your mind , before you approach people for friendship, that is , you feel , what if these people would reject my offer of being friends with me, that would add more hurt to me , and so in the end you decide not to approach. So that is why i feel you are suffering from Social Anxiety AND the fact you have developed depression is quite understandable from you feeling low self esteem , low mood , being self critical , having negative thoughts , etc.

 

However, i believe your Social Anxiety and Depression can both be treated , but you need to make a certain changes in your life , and being an adult you have got the right to take your own decisions and it is high time you have a Calm , sensible and warm talk with your parents , and let them know, how lonely your life is being alone , how striffled you feel when you find no one to talk to, try to give them reasons and explain your need to go out and meet with new friends , also give them assurance that you understand their fear of you abandoning them , but tell them that such a thing is not going to happen and you love them a lot. Overall , i would say you need to vent out all your emotions , your angst that have been harboring for so many years, but when ever you do so , keep one thing in your mind , please try not to hurt your parents , and choose a time to have this conversation when they are in good mood.

 

I firmly believe, that since your parents love you a lot , they will understand your point of view and the emtotions that you have been keeping within yourself all these years , and they will let you have your own space in life and the freedom you deserve. It is just that you need to take a step forward in this direction, and everything will fall into place.

 

Besides , this, for your Social Anxiety and Depression , i would suggest you consult a Clinical PSYCHOLOGIST / PSYCHOTHERAPIST , who would start you on Psychotherapy ( counselling in lay terms). The best Psychotherapy for Social Anxiety and Depression is Cognitive Behavioural therapy ( CBT), this therapy will take care of your anxiety as well as depression, and the use of any anti depressants drugs , thus can be avoided as of now, however if this therapy does not come out to be as effective in your case then the therapst may start you on an anti depressant, but i believe , that the therapy will work just fine for you.

 

I wish you all the best and i hope you follow my advice.

 

I hope my answer serves your query according to your satisfaction.

 

Regards...

Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4046
Experience: MD Psychiatry
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