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Ask Carol Kryder LMFT Your Own Question
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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I have a few questions (1) would a 7 years old girl lie about

Customer Question

I have a few questions: (1) would a 7 years old girl lie about being kissed and touched by a man she has a crush on? (2) would that girl add more lies to the story if an adult (like a grandma) asks her to repeat the story over and over again? (3) would she add to the story to motivate adults to believe her? (4) how far can a 7 year old girl go if a man she has a crush on does not pay attention to her?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 8 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using

Generally a 7 year old girl will not lie about being touched in a manner that she finds uncomfortable. While she could certainly have been coached by an adult, and generally children want to please adults in their lives, it is difficult to assess what really has happened. If the man does not pay attention to her, a 7 year old girl generally would engage in other behaviors to gain attention, not accusing him of molesting her.

This needs to be reported to the local social services agency and they should do an evaluation on this child to determine what has really happened. It is also possible that this child was touched by someone else and is accusing this man for some unknown reason. You need to have a professional evaluate her immediately so that appropriate steps can be taken to protect all parties involved.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I believe that my question number 2 was not answered. I think that if you ask a child to repeat a story over and over, you are encouraging him/her to keep adding to the original story even if there is nothing else to add. Please let me know if I am correct or not and elaborate if you would.


Additionally, what would be your reply if you are told that the girl did try to gain the man's attention in other ways, but was unsuccessful and you learn that the child has other issues, like stealing from other students in school and items from her aunt, taking things from other members of the family, having tantrums (eventhough she is 7), and running naked around the house in spite of her relatives' requests not to do so? On top of that, add the fact that her mother was molested as a girl, became a drug addict, and lost custody of this girl years ago.


Note: Reporting a case like this to the authorites will only put the man in trouble as the law does not force children to go through psychiatric evaluations when they allege molestation. For the law, children always tell the truth.


Please reply as soon as you can.


Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 8 years ago.
This is a very complicated situation. As for Q # XXXXX yes, it is possible that asking a child to repeat over and over could encourage embellishment, but I can't say for sure in this particular case.

As for these other behaviors, they are very unusual and alarming in a child of 7. She needs an immediate evaluation by a child psychologist. This behavior points to some kind of abuse, certainly emotional, and possibly sexual. She is stealing, having tantrums, and behaving in sexually inappropriate ways. You need to get help for this child.   Please do this now.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I cannot take this child to a professional, but I would like to know a little bit more.

Have you treated children with that kind of behavior?


Do you think that this child would be likely to lie about being molested or more likely to than a child that does not exhibit that kind of behavior? If your answer is yes, please explain why?



Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 8 years ago.
Yes, I have treated several children with that behavior. All of them experienced some type of trauma.

No, I do not think your child would be more likely to lie about being molested nor is she more likely to lie than a child that does not exhibit that kind of behavior.

My alarm is in the constellation of symptoms this child exhibits. It points to some kind of trauma. You say the child's mother was molested herself and is a drug abuser and lost custody of the child years ago. That kind of history could have produced enough trauma for her to act in the way she is acting.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I totally disagree with you when you state: No, I do not think your child would be more likely to lie about being molested nor is she more likely to lie than a child that does not exhibit that kind of behavior.


On the contrary, I firmly believe that when a child exhibits the behavior this child exhibits, she is clearly trying to catch the attention of others and she will be willling to do things that normally kids will not do, including lying about being molested. This child seems to have a problem of conduct disorder and I learned that children who have conduct disorder behave in defiant and disruptive ways, such as violating social rules or hurting other people and may, among several things, lie, cheat, or steal, by breaking into someone's house, shoplifting, and/or lying to obtain things that they want or to avoid consequences.



While I understand that the child needs to be evaluated, legally there is nothing a stranger like me can do to help her. On the other hand, the man that the girl accuses of molesting her is a victim of her condition and may end up in jail for 10 to 20 years because the system and people in our society, do not accept that a child like this girl will do whatever it takes to catch attention and does not have any problem to lie even when those lies ruin the life an innocent man. What do you have to say to all this?

Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 8 years ago.
I will allow another expert to answer your question. Good luck to you.

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