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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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My mother has had breakdowns of anger almost at a constant

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My mother has had breakdowns of anger almost at a constant pace now. Today, I went up to her and asked her if she wouldn't mind, when she had the chance and no rush, please helping me with a question regarding a persuasive speech I had in speech class. I am in college, but living with her and my grandmother due to my grandfather's passing a few years ago. My mother is usually eager to help... but not with these breakdowns. I wanted to be there to help my grandma... and she is very dear to me. My mother, on the other hand, constantly makes issues and blows things way out of proportion. That being said, I asked her this question, and she says that she thought I was done with my speech. I, with no voice infliction whatsoever, reply "That was for an informative speech and this is for a persuasive speech." She becomes very angry and lashed out at me... saying that I had a "tone" to my voice I did not. My whole family struggles with her constant defensive put downs. How can I deal with this
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.
Hi Z The Me,

Wow...that sure does sound tough. I'm sorry you are struggling so much with your mother's inappropriate behavior. It appears that your mother is displacing her anger onto you and other family members. The problem here is not you...that is why your behavior is not changing the situation. Your mother is the problem here...not you. I do not know you or your family, so I cannot say for sure whether your mom's anger is justified, but I can say that you are not responsible for resolving the problem. Most likely, if you confront your mother about her behavior, she will just deny it and project the blame onto you. She will blame you for "having a tone" or something similar. What you need to understand is that you should not have to placate or appease your mother. I think she probably needs to see a psychotherapist, but I'm guessing that she will overreact if you suggest it to her. I think I would just try to stay out of her way and move out as soon as possible. The more you are around this type of behavior...the more it will impact you emotionally. You should not have to try this hard to please someone.

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