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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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hi,i am 38.. i was abused when i was 10, went through drug

Customer Question

hi,i am 38.. i was abused when i was 10, went through drug fueled teenage yrs.got married had 2 kids.got a crack cocaine habbit with mrs.overdosed because she cheated on me.cant understand why im still here!went through 2 more relationships..they also cheated! now have my 12 yr lod son who has learning difficulties,a 20 yr old beautiful girlfriend... and PARANOIA! i kicked the crack after 3 mths,by myself.but still have a few block cannabis joints a day! i no this doesnt help but sometimes it does make me shut my mouth.but then i go inside myself,self analise,and hate myself as i think everyone hates me and is just takin the piss out of me,my girlfriend has been accused of everything. before i got with my g/f i went out most weekends,and as i have a high sex drive got what i wanted when i wanted.my g/f was also abused by her grandad now dead.she is cold and not nuch emotion.i love her for who she is.totally.but am very paranoid because we dont have sex!once a month if im lucky.help me
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 5 years ago.
Hi snoopdogg,

When you say paranoia, do you mean that you do not trust your girlfriend? Can you elaborate further?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes..sometimes! i am not always paranoid.. its jus we get stressed out quite a bit! i do not feel able to make love with my g/f because of how many times i have been rejected. i no this seems horrible to say but..my partner plays with herself in bed and pushes me away,also tells me i have a small dick.that she hates me,and to get of her but when she is awake she says she does not remember any of it and that im lying. when i overdosed it was because my ex degraded me so much as a man i could not get over it, i was great with my kids. so i told my g/f about all this and it seems as though some of the things i have told her she is using against me and i cannot work out why when she tells me everyday that she loves me and that i am a great lover..even too big for her and i hurt her!! i really am in a mess and no matter what i try and do when i feel degraded and low again i tell her to f*@! off.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

If she is honestly speaking to you that way, you really do not need to be in a relationship with someone who puts you down. It sounds as though you both have a significant history of trauma, which is going to make your sexual relationship even more difficult. Frankly, unless you both seek extensive psychoanalytic psychotherapy for your trauma, you may never have a healthy relationship. You cannot fit a square peg into a round hole. You keep getting involved with women who degrade you and essentially castrate your manhood. You are a glutton for punishment. I'm guessing you feel quite guilty about something, but you try to avoid thinking about that and you punish yourself by getting involved with "nutty" women. Honestly, I think you need to find a good psychoanalyst in your area and go at least twice a week for a few years. If you commitment to this level of treatment, you might actually overcome this problem that feels like a dark cloud over your head. I apologize for the bluntness of my answer, but I think you really need to stop allowing yourself to be punished like this. Whatever happened in your past, there is no way that you deserve to be abused like this. I think this relationship is going to make things worse for you.

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