Thank you for your very sensative question.
I am not sure why you say you hate yourself. I hope you did not come up with that conclusion while in the counselor's office, without having a plan to overcome it.
however I do not like that your husband has diagnosed you as lying and steeling because you hate him. The causes of your lying and stealing may be much deeper than that, and he is not in a place to accuse you of that. He is not a psychologist or psychiatrist, licenses to make that diagnosis.
it is true that a person may act out against someone passive agressively with lying and stealing. however, we see this most often in children and teenagers who have no control over their parents. so, when they are not able to get along or get mad at the parents they steal from them or lie to them.
As an adult while this may be true, it can come from far deeper sources such as your primary relationship with one or both of your parents, deep seated issues about men in general which in turn relate to your relationship with you father, and so forth.
It does not have to be that you hat your husband. His telling you that could be part of a pattern of psychological spousal abuse towards you. AND if it is, then a possibility exists that if you are overly controlled, manimupated or abused in the relationship, and feel powerless, you could react by lying to him or stealing from him, or lying and steeling in general.
The first step is to realize that you are ok, and that you are not crazy. You need to realize that your husband may end up owing a part of this.
Then you need to find, not a counselor, but a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in relationships. Go alone for several sessions, and explore the source of this behavior withiin your self. If it ends up being sourced from the marriage, then you owuld want to bring your husband in on the sessions. It takes two.
You can use the yellow pages to find a psychiatrist. http://www.wellness.com/professional.asp
If yioui do not mind traveling to Chicago, I can refer ou to an organization that specializes womens health through weekend work. Let me know.
Thank you for your feedback and additonal information. I understand. This still sounds a bit passive agressive, the lying that is. Spending money without checking with him or as agreed to. However, in healthy relationships, everything you do will not make the other person angry. Think about that for a moment, how can anyone be that bad. He has to own part of the conditions that exist.
We can not provid you counseling in this environment. I understand your need to get help. You should contact the professionals a the link I gave you so you can set up a personal in person evaluation. AND if necessary, get your husband involved. Most likely this will require your husband's participation, because in a relationship, based on what you have said so far, there is plenty of grist for the mill, on both sides.