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TheGermDoctor, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1664
Experience:  17 years of experience as a physician, Board Certified
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Is it possible for a sexual deviation to have effects in other

Customer Question

Is it possible for a sexual deviation to have effects in other areas of your life? I've had sadistic and masochistic sexual fantasies all my life and have indulged in these practices in real life for the last couple of years. I've never been sure if I'm actually abnormal - I keep reading that these sort of fantasies are common. The extremity of my acts has increased over the years and I'm now concerned that I may do myself or another actual damage. I'm also never going to be fulfilled and am never really happy when I leave a session. I am considering treatment but wonder if it's worthwhile? I've also always had problems with intimacy and I've never been able to make friends (all partners are casual and anonymous). Could it help me in this area? I've had these desires as long as I remember but I find it impossible to become aroused by normal sexual activity. Thanks
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TheGermDoctor replied 7 years ago.

Hi Rachel-


I suspect you already have figured this out, but if your lifestyle and activities are leading to distress then you may benefit from conseling or therapy . You describe increasing levels of your activity that are becoming necessary- which clearly will put you or a partner in danger - I am sure you have heard of situations here S and M turns into life threatening situations. You recognize that this is no longer fulfilling and that you have intimacy issues... While I am no psychoanalyst, I suspect there may be some underlying issues that you may benefit from 'working through'.


Just please try to get help before things go too far and someone gets seriously hurt. On a certain level a little 'rough' sex play by itself is not wrong but it sounds like you have gone way beyond that, to a point where you need help.


Good luck.


Please press accept if this helps.

TheGermDoctor, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1664
Experience: 17 years of experience as a physician, Board Certified
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Expert:  MasterDoc replied 7 years ago.


I have reviewed your post here and also your other post here on JustAnswer.

It seems to me the key question you are asking is if your desire for S&M might be making you sick in some other way; causing your other mental health issues. The simple answer to that is no.

It is far more likely the other way around. Your bipolar disease is allowing these desires to be expressed in action.

S&M activity is NOT in itself a mental health issue; it only becomes such to the extent it is "ego-dystonic" ie when it conflicts with your general values enough to greatly disturb you.

Many people engage in S&M behavior without it being in any way a mental illness for those individuals.

You should discuss these issues with your therapist in order for them to help you as much as possible with your mental health issues.

Please click ACCEPT>



Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I think the point of my question was about the fact I don't form relationships at all. I have no friends (and never have). I have a few acquaintances but nothing that goes past that. This is crippling me but I can't explain why I run away (sometimes literally) as soon as anyone tries to get close to me. It's difficult at work where I can join in nothing outside that and it was difficult at school and university where I just appeared aloof.

When it comes to sex, as I said, I have no interest in anything that doesn't involve pain. I am regularly beaten so badly the bruises don't go for three or four weeks. I can achieve sexual arousal through this but I cannot achieve sexual arousal through normal sex. In none of these encounters am I looking for a relationship. I have met many people who look for or are happy in a D/s relationship but I do not desire one. I want to arrive, beat or be beaten, and then leave. I do not care who the other person is.

I am having several problems with this.

Firstly, a lot of the people I meet do not expect real pain while I can't function without it and several times I have beaten someone harder than they expected and they have got angry at me, alternatively I try to push them to hit me harder and they become disturbed by it and refuse.

Secondly, I self harm. My need to indulge in these acts seems to control me and I do little else but when I get there there is an awkward moment when I undress and they see my fresh cuts and burns and old scars. On a couple of occasions the other person involved has decided to go no further because of them but I still feel a strong need to be beaten or to beat them.

I don't believe this to have anything to do with my bipolar disorder - the problems with relationships and the sadomasochistic fantasies were there long before that developed (I was 24 when I was diagnosed).

The question is really, I guess, should I try and get some sort of counselling or psychotherapy? As you say, some people live happily while indulging in bdsm games. If I talk to my psychiatrist (I'm in Britain I'd need a referral to another psychotherapist) would he brush it off and say I don't have a problem?
Expert:  TheGermDoctor replied 7 years ago.

Please see my email response.


I can assure you that most psychiatrists have heard similar situations before and you have no reason to be afraid he/she will not be able to professioanlly handle it.

I really think you need some counseling about this problem.


Good luck.

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