Dear Ms. Ivy,
Thank you for your reply. I have seen two physchiatrists in my lifetime. Both about four years ago. I had reached a point where I could no longer leave my bed and I my ex-wife arranged a few meetings. My experiences were not favorable with the physchiatrists which was at much my fault as theirs. It even seems backwards to me, but the lower I sink with depression the less I want to interact with health care professionals (or anyone for that matter). The physchiatrists did
prescribe a variety of medications. I must say I felt good on Cymbalta. My mind was clear for the first time in memory. However, as I mentioned, the Cymbalta made me euphoric at times and unable to control some base urges. I have been off all meds for the past two years.
By prescription, I have also tried uppers to increase my energy levels without dealing with the depression issue. The uppers made me anxious and I would walk laps around the kitchen with no application for the energy.
I think to some degree that there is medication(s) that could help me if the dosing were different. I weigh only 150 pounds and it seems I get the same dose as a man twice my weight. I haven't a clue if that makes a difference.
I forgot to mention that my memory is failing. That sentence would be funny to me if it weren't terrifying. It is intermittent but at times I cannot remember my home phone number or where I live. I have read that depression can wreak havoc with memory too.
You asked about the stress levels in my life. For 25 years I was under incredible stress. I worked too hard in my professional career and even chose a stressful hobby of remodeling homes on weekends. As a result of the self imposed pressure, I am now retired at an early age. Retirement would be great, I often think, if I had the energy to get out of bed or leave the house.
More background... both of my parents (now deceased) were ragin , abusive alcoholics. I was obese as a child, turning to food for comfort. I believe that much of my physical problem today and potential chemical imbalance, may be the result of a high fat, junk food diet as a teen. My diet today is lousy too. Although I eat better quality foods, my metabolic rate has slowed to a crawl due to inactivity. I often just don't feel like preparing a meal and can sometimes go a day or two without eating.
I have felt for a long time that my condition has been spiraling down but in the past year I feel the spiral has gotten tighter and tighter. The lows are lower and the highs have taken a vacation.
I get advice like eat better, but it's tough when you don't leave the house and haven't the ambition to make a meal. Experts tell me to exercise more... that's good for brain chemistry. I think people who tell you to exercise more when you haven't left your bed for a week don't understand depression at all.
I have never had my endocrine system examined. Is there a chance that a strong link exists between low adrenal activity or thyroid issues and my lack of energy? Could my low energy levels be causing my depression or is that a "chicken or the egg" question?