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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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WHen i ask you this, i really donw wnt to be seen as a bad

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WHen i ask you this, i really donw wnt to be seen as a bad person or anything but here it goes...   I have been suffering from Erectyle dysfunction for about a year now because i have been worried that i might be a pedophile. It all started when i realised how wierd it was that whenever i was affectionate with a little kid i felt this sense fatherly sense of masculinity and it came with an erection. I was doing this without ever thinking of hurting or doing anything to a little kid. Id put a bullet in my brain before i hurt someone like that or become some monster. So i guess what im asking you is.....is it normal to maybe get an erection without it having any sexual connotation? because the idea that im getting anything sexual out of a kid causes my stomach to churn. Like i said i have had ED for a year and my libido is non-existant because of this can you please offer me any reassurance that im not some horrible monster.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.
Hi Trin,

How old are you?

What was your sexual functioning like before you developed ED?

Are you sexually attracted to men or women?

Have you ever been sexually abused or inappropriately touched?

Do you watch pornography?

Any additional information would be helpful.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I am 21,

 

My sexual functioning wasnt all that normal before this started because, believe it or not, i was worried sick, and had OCD about being a Homosexual for about 6 years. I wondered why i never worried about being a pedophile and then not soon after that i talked to my mom about it and she told me how wierd it was for me to get an erection when being affectionate with kids. right then is when i started to worry. WHats so bizarre is that i was so sure about who i was and that one conversation completely shattered the confidence. Before i was worried sick about being gay i was totally normal though. never worried about sexual things

 

I have always been attracted to women, even when i was little i can remember very easily getting erections just looking at women. Even when i was worried sick about being gay i still liked women and got anxious, sometimes panic attacks, at the idea of

even finding a guy attractive.

 

I dont think ive ever been inappropriately touched. When i was little, about 5 or 6, my cousin, who was my age and a girl, did take advantage of me i think. She kissed me, or made out with me, in a dark room and i really had no idea what i was doing, but looking back on it i think it was a lil wierd, i dont think it was truly traumatizing.

 

 

I do watch pornography, never child porn if thats what your thinking, but i do enjoy it. I would often watch porn because i was so worried about being gay and seeing women would make the anxiety go away for a short while.

 

I do have a history of primarily obsessional OCD and obsessive worries. I had scrupulosity worries when i was little and also worried about the world coming to an end and have suffered from Social Anxiety since my teens. its around the age of 15 i started worrying about being gay (even thought i never found that lifestyle attractive) and have been putting up with that ever since.

 

I guess i shoukd tell you that my relationship with my own dad really was never that good. He was often the bad guy. he was often abrasive and at times abusive. i never was really close to him, i love him and i know he loves me but ive never been close to him like i am to my mom. If my dads a demon my moms an angel. She has always been there for me through everything. i am very, very close to her.

 

As you can tell by reading all this that im not a very confident person in who i am and to be honest im not very confident in anything i do. i am a costant worrier, always worrying about something. Im pretty sensitive for a guy and it has made life hard for me as well.

 

I can remember being little, a baby my self and holding a baby and having this fatherly feeling an gettin an erection back then, even when i had no idea what sex was yet so ive done and felt that way all my life.

 

Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.
Hi Trin,

I'm not going to pretend to be able to completely analyze what is going on here based on what you told me, but I have a few ideas that might be helpful for you. First, I do not think you are a pedophile. It sounds as though you have extreme anxiety about sexual contact and sexual intimacy. As a result of your anxiety, you tend to transmit your sexual energy to "safe objects." For example, a girl in a porno is a "safe object." She cannot see you...judge you...make fun of you...or embarrass you. You get your sexual excitement from these "safe objects" because of your intense anxiety. Additionally, a child could be considered a "safe object." You get aroused from physical touch and not feeling anxious...you don't feel anxious around little kids. You actually experience this warm, fatherly like feeling. Probably the way you wished you felt with your dad. I believe you are sexually attracted to women, but you are so darn anxious that you displace your sexual attention onto other objects. In fact, the reason you lose your erection is because you are too anxious to enjoy the excitement. You are harshly judging yourself and observing yourself too much. After you work through your anxiety, your ED will go away. I suggest that you seek psychotherapy with a clinical psychologist in your local area. You could really benefit from talking about this at length. A psychologist could help you figure out what all of this anxiety is about. After you figure it out, you can move on with your life. It is normal to have sexual thoughts about men or women or all sorts of random things. As long as you just have a thought and move on to the next one, you will be fine. You are not bad or weird for thinking about something sexual related to a man. It will only cause you a problem if you worry about it. JUST LET IT GO! You are not crazy for having these thoughts. Go get some therapy and talk through this stuff. It is really not that unusual to experience these type of things.

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JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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JR, M.A.
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I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.