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Moe Zafarani
Moe Zafarani,
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience:  Cardiology at Department of Veteran's Affairs
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My granddaughter is struggling with finishing school and

Customer Question

My granddaughter is struggling with finishing school and continuing on to college. She is beautiful, intelligent and very much loved by everyone. She decided in the tenth grade that she wanted to do virtual school because she was not doing well in a couple of classes and had always been an A-B student. Lots of things were going on that we probably will never know about that she doesn't discuss with anyone.
JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?
Customer: This is about my granddaugher's emotional health and well being.
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the doctor should know?
Customer: My granddaughter has not been to a doctor about this nor is she on medication.
JA: What medications do you take daily? Are you allergic to any medications?
Customer: I have used this website previously and found it helpful. This is regarding someone other than me.
Submitted: 11 days ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

I admire your concerns for your grand daughter.

How old is she?

How many siblings does she have? old or younger?

are the parents divorced or together?

if you were to single out one situation where she has struggled in her life, where would it be?

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
She just turned 18. She has one younger brother. The parents are not together and never have been. She has not had much real security in her life because her mother struggles with depression and has had problems with abusing her prescription medications. Sometimes that has lead to neglect. Her father does not work and therefore does not provide any kind of emotional or financial support.
Customer: replied 10 days ago.
I prefer to type because I want the responses in writing so I can refer back to them if I need to.
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

It appears to me that she depends on you emotionally, is this true?

any possibility of sexual abuse?

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
She does depend on me emotionally. We have been very close since birth. On the other hand she does not always tell me the truth because she does not want to disappoint me. I have told her she does not need to worry about that. Occasionally she has a "melt down" and everything spills out in a rush and with tears. At that point she deals with "always" and "nevers."
Customer: replied 10 days ago.
I do not think there has been any sexual abuse. I cannot imagine when or if that could have happened.
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

Unfortunately, this is always the dilemma in these situations.

In a unstable situation, where a stable family surrounding is not available, kids become very close and attached to the grand parents, and learn that this is their only stable social and even financial support. This is a very scary thing to deal with for a kid, they become withdrawn on the inside (their inner child becomes suppressed), as they are afraid that sharing things may disappoint the grand parents and ultimately result in loss of that stable financial-emotional relationship.

Unfortunately, in these cases, you will not be able to help on your own. You will need someone on the outside, someone foreign to her. If she cannot and will not open up to a physician or a counselor, an option is to introduce someone else that you trust in her life, someone that can be the bridge between her insecurities but with your help could help her "get over the bridge".

This person can be of any age, even a classmate, but most importantly has to share some of the same interests with her to be able to connect to her.

Its not an easy situation, there's no easy solutions as you know.

I wish you best of luck.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
She has had sessions with mental health providers that were foreign to her, but she does not feel they have been helpful, even though she seemed to connect with them and liked them.
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

You don't want to start with mental health providers...this is already signaling to her that there's something wrong, or that you think something is not normal.

Start with my suggestion, its benign, not foreign to her and easier accepted even by her inner child - which is the key here.

warm regards,

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
The issue at this juncture is how to get her to be interested and motivated to continue her education. She feels she has no future. She says she would only continue for everyone else and not for herself.
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

I understand it's a struggle, the best thing to do at this point is to introduce someone else in her life, even if it's someone of opposite sex, someone that you can relay your message to your grand daughter through him or her.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
Unfortunately, I don't know if anyone who fits that description.
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

I would suggest getting to know her circle of friends - however small, seek help from their parents and the faculty at her school. You'll be surprised, there's always someone else who would benefit from being friends with your grand daughter.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
She is doing virtual school so she has isolated herself from friends and faculty. She has started working and finds joy in that but realizes she cannot make enough to support herself. But she is also very proud of the work she does. It seems to have become more important than school.
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

Then a better option would be a coworker that you can trust.

Eitherway, this is a difficult situation, without an easy answer, but I have seen good results in similar cases.

I wish you and your grand daughter best of luck,

warm regards,

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
you attribute the good results to what?
Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

someone getting involved that can have a positive influence, yet they are not in her inner circle that she's worried about disappointing - she can open up, express herself, get the advise that she needs and move on in her life hopefully in a more positive direction.

Best wishes,

Expert:  Moe Zafarani replied 10 days ago.

Let me know if you have further questions or concerns

I will be happy to get back with you

If my answer has been helpful and to your satisfaction then please remember to leave positive feedback Thank you and Best Regards,

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