Welcome to the site.
I am sorry to learn about your struggle with anxiety all these years and i empathize with you.
I believe if you are placed on a potent drug regime which has a combination of an anti depressant , mood stabilizer and an anxiolytic then you could gain a lot from it and even start feeling normal all over again. I therefore will suggest you the below mentioned drug regime which you shall discuss with your doctor and try it out for at least 4-6 weeks to see it's efficacy and if you find it useful then you may continue with it.
The drug regime is as follows.
1) -- Remeron ( Mirtazapine ) as an anti depressant, at dose of 15 mg at bedtime which shall be raised to 22.5 mg after 2 weeks and then further to 30 mg at bedtime after 2 more weeks and continued at this dose of 30 mg.
2) -- Etizolam as an anti anxiety medication replacing xaanx at dose of 0.25 mg twice a day ( i.e is morning and evening dose ) x 1 week then 0.5 mg twice a day and staying put on it and increasing the dose further only after 2 weeks and if the need arises.
3) -- Lamictal ( lamotrigine ) as a mood stabilizer , at a dose of 25 mg once a day , preferably in the afternoon and then after 2 weeks upgrading to 50 mg dose once a day and staying on this dose.
I hope this helps.
Wish you all the best.
PLEASE GENUINELY TRY THIS and see the benefits.
Please kindly leave a POSITIVE RATING if you are satisfied with the answer.