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Dr. Thomas, MD
Dr. Thomas, MD, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 57419
Experience:  Internal Medicine--practice all of internal medicine, all ages, family, also Integrative, CAM, etc
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This is a question for a doctor that has experience in psychological

Resolved Question:

This is a question for a doctor that has experience in psychological and/or geriatric medicine. I live with my mid 80s parents. I am an unmarried male, 58. Inability to afford my own place coupled with the current work situation has forced me to this living scenario.
I have living with mom and dad for about 4 years. I have begin being proactive in my own health maintenance by coming a member of lef.org. My parents call it quackery and rally behind their current doctor 100%. Vitamins they say are expensive urine. When I mention
lef.org, my dad quacks like a duck, literally. My mom refuses to get a much needed hearing aid, so most of our conversations are: WHAT AND HUH? She is always asking what time it is. What ? Huh? Her eyes are slowly failing. She needs my help to read newspapers, recipes, etc. She has a hard time climbing stairs to the cellar to do the laundry. I have to do it, along with the grass cutting, snow shoveling, trash hauling, dish washing. My room is upstairs. When they want me, they YELL to me upstairs. I pay 300 dollar per month rent,
which includes 100 dollars cash and my food stamps of 200.00. I recently decided to start my own home-based telemarketing service and now have one good client and I make about 800.00 per month. My parents think I am upstairs plain video games. They do not respect me. My younger,, more financially successful brother, is married and has a longtime business position at 200k per year. We do not get along because he thinks that I am taking advantage of my parents by only paying 300 dollars per month. My brother is the executor to my parents will. I am not without accomplishment in my life. I am a self taught published music composer.

Would you please offer me your views and input?

By the way, due to the yelling, my mom and me have not spoken to each other in over a week.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Thomas, MD replied 1 year ago.
Hello from JA
You have described a situation, but not a medical question.
What is your medical question
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

How do I cope with this scenario going forward?

Expert:  Dr. Thomas, MD replied 1 year ago.
Which aspect?
Your parents attitude about vitamins?

Other?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I cannot change their mind about vitamins, however, I need to get them to acknowledge to me and themselves that I need to have a life and they need to give me more respect and treat me like an adult and not a 12 year old, who pays rent

Expert:  Dr. Thomas, MD replied 1 year ago.
OK
Let me ask you
do they have any serious medical problems?
They appear to be fairly vital, is that correct?
Expert:  Dr. Thomas, MD replied 1 year ago.
simply use reply
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Mom is on Coumadin and several other drugs, Dad is a diabetic and in injectable insulin.


Mom goes to the casino to play bingo every Friday


Dad goes to the golf course to mix with his senior friends and play cribbage.


 


He can drive, mom cannot


 

Expert:  Dr. Thomas, MD replied 1 year ago.
OK
So vitamins will not specifically help them, but a multivitamin once a day might help older people.

In general, taking vitamins without a specific reason causes more harm than good.

So they are partially correct here.

They don't seem to feel that they have issues

Correct?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

mom takes a centrum multi (totally worthless).


zeazanthin/lutein would slow my moms macular degeneration.


she wont take it if her doctor wont tell her.


 


I tried to communicate with her doctor, but, I was almost kicked out of the house.


 


cinnamon/chromium would help my dad, he wont take it his doctor wont tell him.

Expert:  Dr. Thomas, MD replied 1 year ago.
OK
What is your question at this point?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

How do I get them to respect me as a 58 year old and not as their son of 12. Would it be cruel for me to find my own place and leave them to fend on their own?

Expert:  Dr. Thomas, MD replied 1 year ago.
No
In fact I think you should find your own place.
you are trying to act like their doctor, not their 58 year old son.
And they do not want that.

Have a period of separation and see how it goes.

Your dad is even making fun of you.

Another option is family therapy in which you all participate...however, I doubt they are going to do this. You could, however, start that on your own, which will help your relationship with them, PhD clinical psychologists, trained in family therapy.

Use reply to let me know if you have further questions.
Please do not forget a positive rating.

Dr. Thomas, MD, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 57419
Experience: Internal Medicine--practice all of internal medicine, all ages, family, also Integrative, CAM, etc
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Dr. Thomas, MD
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