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Dr. Monica
Dr. Monica, Board Certified Physician
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Experience:  Experienced U.S. Primary Care Physician treating children, adults, pregnant women, and the elderly.
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my boyfriend is obsessed with incest porn

Resolved Question:

my boyfriend is obsessed with incest porn
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Monica replied 4 years ago.
Hello-

I would first bring it up to him in a non-confrontational way. Make sure you discuss it from your point of view "Lately I have been worried about this..." and "When I find these things on the computer it makes me feel..."

Check his response to you. Offer to go to counseling with him so that he does not feel like you are singling him out, but rather, wanting to work on this together. A couples therapist can address the sex issue between the two of you, and then the incest issue can come up then. A good counselor will be able to decide whether or not he needs his own therapy, and perhaps he will accept this better than if it came from only you.

If there is any evidence besides the porn that you have AT ALL, whether it be any physical signs or emotional signs from the children he is around, you are OBLIGATED to tell the authorities. You may want to call your pediatrician or family doctor if you do suspect any trace of abuse, as they can be great resources to help you report the possible abuse. Emotional signs that the kids have been abused are highly variable depending on the individual child, but a key thing to note is if there is an obvious behavior difference. For example, avoidance of the perpetrator or suddenly becoming clingy or super dependent.

All this being said- it is possible that he is not committing any crimes and it is just a fantasy. However, since it does seem to affect your sex life, it is still worth exploring and possibly getting therapy for one or both of you. After you approach him, he may withdraw from you, and become guarded and angry. This also does not necessarily mean his is guilty of any actual acts, but he may be very defensive because he could have guilty feelings of liking this type of porn. Once again, I think in either case he likely needs therapy.

Please don't hesitate to let me know if I can clarify any of this or if you have further questions.

Best,
Dr. Monica
Dr. Monica, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 816
Experience: Experienced U.S. Primary Care Physician treating children, adults, pregnant women, and the elderly.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you. That did clear some things up. He is a wonderful caring man and there are no physical signs but I make sure to be aware. I really can just be a fantasy? It makes me uncomfortable. I think i will suggest couples therapy to be on the safe sid.e

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