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I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Are you going to be divorcing him?
In a situation like this, the ability to recover the money which he gave her, would be during the divorce proceedings. If you were file for divorce now that you are aware of the mistress, you could ask the Judge to order that the martial assets which he used and gave to this other women, be deducted and taken from his share and awarded to you, since they were wasted. A Judge can order that the total amount he has given her over this time, be awarded to you, in addition to what you would receive. As far as suing the mistress, you would not have a cause of action, since he gave the money to her, voluntarily. The fact that he was married and she took the money, is not illegal or something she would be liable for.
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