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I'm Lucy, and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
You are correct that the money accumulated during the marriage through your wife's investments is joint money belonging to both of you. However, a court will only get involved in a married couple's finances if they are asking to split the assets during a divorce proceeding. There is unfortunately no cause of action against a spouse for squirreling money away outside a dissolution of the marriage. Since you said you don't want to damage the marriage, you may want to see if she'll agree to talk to a therapist about this issue or try to determine another approach that might help her understand how important this is to you.
Do you have any other questions about this?