I'm Lucy, and I'd be happy to answer your questions today.
A countersuit is filed with the court, with a copy mailed to the opposing party or their lawyer if they have one. A countersuit doesn't have to be served personally or via certified mail the way an original Complaint does. However, your lawyer should be forwarding all correspondence received to you promptly - that's true even if there hadn't been a countersuit. You should see your spouse's Answer to the Complaint. At the end of the day, you're the client and you make decisions about certain aspects of the litigation. If you want discovery, your lawyer needs to send out discovery requests. That's not something it's within her discretion to refuse to do.
You have the option of filing a grievance with the bar before finding another attorney, but honestly, there's a good chance your lawyer will drop you once they are notified of the grievance, so you'll want to at least have an idea who you'd prefer to work with. And if your attorney doesn't drop you, just having the grievance out there could hinder your working relationship with the lawyer, so keep that in mind.
If you have any questions or concerns about what I've written, please reply so that I may address them. If I did not address the specific thing that you wanted to know, it may not have come across clearly to me, so please restate that question. It's important to me that you are 100% satisfied with the service I provide. Otherwise, please rate my service positively so that I get credit for answering your question. Thank you.