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Good afternoon,I'm Doug, and I'm very sorry to hear of your situation. My goal is to provide you with excellent service today.
Quite simply, you have nothing to gain by speaking out. If you simply want to tell the wife that you are a previous paramour that is one thing---however, that admission might well result in negative consequences if you happen to be working for the same government agency, and I would strongly counsel that you leave well enough alone.
You can presume that his wife has knowledge of the present affair and were she able and interested in filing for a fault divorce she would. Your coming forward would not benefit her any and would likely just cause additional angst and bad feelings. Notifying her of your indiscretions could seriously jeopardize your present position, and for that reason you should probably not disclose this to her.
You may reply back to me using the Reply link and I will be happy to continue to assist you until I am able to address your concerns, to your satisfaction.Please remember to rate my service to you so that I can be compensated for helping you. Thank you in advance.I wish you and yours the best in 2015,Doug