HiCustomer I'm Thomas and will be happy to assist you. My goal is to make you a very satisfied customer! Thanks in advance for your patience.
Unfortunately, unless your father made a durable power of attorney
that named you or someone other than his wife as his agent in the event of his incapacity, the only option you have to try and take control of the situation and to obtain more information is to obtain guardianship over your father and his property. To do that, you would need to file for guardianship in the court where he is a primary resident. You would need to prove his incapacity. In addition, you would need to prove why his wife is not competent, able, or best positioned to protect him and his interests.
Although you can attempt to undertaken a guardianship proceeding without an attorney, it would only be advisable to do so when there will be no contest over a person's ability to be guardian. Since his wife would likely choose to contest anyone other than her becoming guardian, it would be a court battle turning on many specific evidentiary and procedural hurdles that a non-attorney would probably not be able to navigate successfully.
You would need an elder law and/or estate attorney to assist you.
I'm sorry I didn't have good news and an easy method by which you could achieve your objectives. The law unfortunately doesn't provide an easy means in a situation like this. Again, I'm sorry the law is so strict in this regard.
I wish you the best.