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No, this would not be "aiding and abetting" because to the extent that you were assisting, you were assisting him to have a place to stay, rather than any "commission" of any offense. Further, violation of probation is not a crime in and of itself. That is, if he's arrested and sent to jail, the violation of probation is not going to be a separate crime, but rather just a violation of the rules that he was out on.
You can't really "aid and abet" the violation of these rules.
The only way that I could see any liability would be for "obstruction of justice", and this would ONLY be the case if you were actively trying to hide him from the authorities. Simply giving him a place to stay would not rise to that level.
Finally, I would suggest countering that she is engaging in "extortion", which IS a crime:
NJ statute 2C:20-5. Theft by extortionA person is guilty of theft by extortion if he purposely and unlawfully obtains property(even money) of another by extortion. A person extorts if he purposely threatens to:
a. Inflict bodily injury on or physically confine or restrain anyone or commit any other criminal offense;b. Accuse anyone of an offense or cause charges of an offense to be instituted against any person;c. Expose or publicize any secret or any asserted fact, whether true or false, tending to subject any person to hatred, contempt or ridicule, or to impair his credit or business repute;d. Take or withhold action as an official, or cause an official to take or withhold action;e. Bring about or continue a strike, boycott or other collective action, if the property is not demanded or received for the benefit of the group in whose interest the actor purports to act;f. Testify or provide information or withhold testimony or information with respect to another's legal claim or defense; org. Inflict any other harm which would not substantially benefit the actor but which is calculated to materially harm another person.It is an affirmative defense to prosecution based on paragraphs b, c, d or f that the property obtained was honestly claimed as restitution or indemnification for harm done in the circumstances or as lawful compensation for property or services.
So you can say that she continues, that you WILL turn her in for extortion. This is not extortion on your own account, because you're not seeking any "property" from her. You're only seeking that she drop her threats against you.
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Thank you so much. You have put my mind at ease.