Im not sure what always constitutes domestic violence that can be proven. I saved all the text threats but he has not physically ever hit me. I am also afraid that if I call the police that I will not be believed or when DCF gets involved I will lose my children this time b/c the last case open was not substantiated on me b/c I was not home at the time but I was told that now that I know he has/had a drug or alcohol problem then I can be in trouble too if the police are involved again. I don't want to lose my children- I just want a divorce. He is very good at manipulation and makes good money. He hired an attorney to fight his substantiated abuse case with DCF and won. He gets out of everything. There has been a few domestic reports in the past years ago and I'm embarrassed. I use to work in a DV/SA agency, how could I get caught up in this? Its so humiliating. It wasn't until I spoke to my counselor that I even saw what happened to me by the pool as attempted rape. I was not sure if that was what it was exactly. I felt guilty and ashamed as if I did something wrong.
Thank you for your follow-up. First of all, please do not feel guilty or ashamed. You yourself did nothing wrong in any way here. Regardless of conflict, no person, be it a spouse or stranger, has the right to put his or her hands on you in such a manner. You didn't bring it on, you didn't ask for it, and you surely didn't deserve it. I am stating that to you not because I am trying to calm you down but because it happens to be true--you do not deserve such treatment from anyone.As for being caught up in DV, experience has nothing to do with, at times it is the desire to placate and make things better. To put it in a personal perspective, if you think that lawyers cannot be ignorant or dumb about the law when it comes to themselves, you would be surprised. As for DCF, they do look to parents, both parents, to seek fitness. Having him drink at home is his violation, not yours. It shows him to have a problem, not yours. Similarly, obtaining evidence of his behavior can help, and while he may fight and win once, there is no guarantee he can fight and win again. You leaving does not create 'abandonment' claims until and if you left for a significant period of time, such as 12 months. I would very strongly urge you to call the police and make a paper trail. If they could charge him, it would be extremely positive for you and the ability for you to protect yourself.Good luck.
DISCLAIMER: Answers from Experts on JustAnswer are not substitutes for the advice of an attorney. JustAnswer is a public forum and questions and responses are not private or confidential or protected by the attorney-client privilege. The Expert above is not your attorney, and the response above is not legal advice. You should not read this response to propose specific action or address specific circumstances, but only to give you a sense of general principles of law that might affect the situation you describe. Application of these general principles to particular circumstances must be done by a lawyer who has spoken with you in confidence, learned all relevant information, and explored various options. Before acting on these general principles, you should hire a lawyer licensed to practice law in the jurisdiction to which your question pertains.
The responses above are from individual Experts, not JustAnswer. The site and services are provided “as is”. To view the verified credential of an Expert, click on the “Verified” symbol in the Expert’s profile. This site is not for emergency questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals. Please carefully read the Terms of Service (last updated February 8, 2012).