Okay...the answer, if you don't want to start a war, is that you show up for the PFA hearing and defend against the charges. Frankly, you need a lawyer, because you want someone who knows how to cross examine a hostile witness, so that you can try to trip your spouse up and show that her allegations are false.
When these PFAs were first created (1980s), practically every judge granted them to any woman who walked in, on the premise that women were unlikely to file such requests without any validity. However, as courts have gained experience with these matters, judges now realize that many of these PFAs are filed to gain the upper hand in a divorce action, rather than because there is any threat by the other spouse.
The problem is that most spouses subject to these orders are so emotionally involved that they think they can walk into court and the judge will just see that their spouse is lying. And, that's just not how things work. If you go in and try to defend yourself without competent legal representation
, you will probably lose. I can say this from experience -- I wouldn't even represent myself in one of these hearings, because when you're faced with someone for whom you have feelings, you cannot think straight.
urge you to hire a lawyer -- one who has substantial experience cross examining witnesses --- not your run-of-the-mill family law attorney. I realize that you came here looking for a cost effective solution, but I want you to win this thing, and my experience tells me that if you try to "do it yourself," that you will not prevail.
This doesn't mean you will win if you hire a lawyer -- but without a lawyer, I think you won't get anywhere.
And, in the meantime, sending letters to your spouse is likely to get her even more enraged. The best thing that you can do right now is to stay completely away from her -- no correspondence or contact of any kind.
Does this make sense, or am I still missing the target?