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I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I would suggest filing charges against her for "filing false charges". Basically where you contest a "he said / she said" situation by your conduct and actions leading up to a hearing, that gives a little bit more credence to your position. If you can establish a course of conduct that would run counter to her allegations, then that would also help. That is, statements by friends and family members that know you both, and that know that you would never threaten her in this way. That is, the key is to show that the alleged actions are so contrary to anything that you would have done as to give the inference that it did not actually occur. Showing "motive" on her part for these threats would also be a good idea.
If she was trying to get you out of the house and able to file for divorce, then that could be such a motive, although if you could show that she was seeing someone else, etc... that would be better.
It is true that if this is a "no contact" order, then communicating through friends and family members, with the intent that they relay a message to her from you would violate the order of protection.
Far too often an inordinate amount of credence is given to the "weaker" spouse (almost always the woman) in a situation such as this, but if you can show that the alleged actions and threats are so outside the norm as to indicate that she's lying, as well as showing motive on her part (who files for divorce the day after an alleged threat?) for making such a false charge, then that would certainly help your case.
Hope that clears things up a bit. If you have any other questions, please let me know. If not, and you have not yet, please rate my answer AND press the "submit" button, if applicable. Please note that I don't get any credit for my answer unless and until you rate it a 3, 4, 5 (good or better). Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX luck to you!
given that she has been drinking to excess and harassing as well this same night and many others and said this type of action is not over does this help my case
I'm sorry that you feel this way and didn't explain your issue further so that I could better assist you. I will opt out and allow someone else to assist you.
Hello and Welcome to JustAnswer, My name is XXXXX XXXXX my goal is to provide you with Excellent Service, I see that your other expert has opted out because you apparently gave a poor rating. I can only Answer your question and help you if you tell me what was lacking in the Answer your previous expert gave you;
1. You stated that your wife was "drinking to excess"
(a) Does she often drink to excess ?
(b) Is she an alcoholic ?
(c) Was she drunk when she called the police, or at any other time that she had any contact with the police ?
2. Is the Order of Protection against you a Temporary Order, or has a hearing been held for a Permanent Protective Order ?
yes she had drink to excess that night and does most every night and has been for a long time.that evening and for quite some time she has been coming down stairs where I stay so as to avoid arguments she has without exception come down and started arguing and would come down over and over pursuing an argument pushing me into it.when she drinks to a certen point her facial exspretion changes and she starts she had also recently said when I asked if we could just not drink and try to get along she said
"this isn't over yet":there are people that know what she has been doing and I have proof that she dragged me with the car and dumped me in the drive way and never tried to stop and there is a witness to that.I feel that this all is a plan to have me look bad in the case of a divorce she had said to a friend recently that the reason she hadn,t filed for divorce was because it would cost to much in a settlement.when some one went to pick up a few pieces of clothing she had all my clothes in garbage bags as if she knew I was out for good it all seems like a plan to me.given that she has had control of our monies I fear that I may be out in the street at 69 years old with nothing,I also cannot find out if she has violated me wwith the no contact order I know that she was at the police department two days ago but cannot find out why.
Thank you so much. You get a A+
Thank you so much for your additional information and please accept my apologies for not getting back to you sooner, but the site has been experiencing tech problems and one of them is not being able to send us a message that a customer has replied to a request for additional information.
I must agree with you that this sounds very much like a plan on your wife's part in that she is systematically very hard on trying to make you look bad and trying to make herself look like the victim. Since you state that you have a hearing next Tuesday, that means that she only has a Temporary Order of Protection and the hearing on Tuesday will determine if she will be granted a Permanent Order of Protection which could be for 6 months or one year.
For the moment and until this Protection Order issue is worked out to your satisfaction, do not attempt to communicate with her. As you very correctly observed, she might be trying to have you appear as if you violated the Protection Order. Another thing you should be very careful of and which I have seen happen very often to unsuspecting husbands - Do not, under any circumstances accept any invitation she might extend to you to visit the house, even if she tells you to go and get some of you clothing that she had not packed. If you accept her invitation and go to the house, even though it is your house, I can guarantee you that this is all part of her plan to have you arrested. You no sooner will arrive at the house, then she will immediately call the police, she will deny telling you to go over there, and make up some other stories about you and she will tell the police to arrest you and you will be looking at Contempt of Court charges.
How to Prepare for the Hearing
Your main objective is to prove two things. First, that she is lying and you never, ever threatened to kill her; and, Second, that you are the victim and your wife is the aggressor, not the other way around. Parties in this position always bring witnesses to testify, not only to confirm your side of the story, but also to testify as to what they observed your wife's behavior, and that she is the aggressor.
At the beginning of the hearing and at the end of the hearing, you will tell the Judge that you are the victim and you will ask the Judge to issue an Order of Protection in your favor and against your wife and to give you exclusive occupancy of the marital residence,
1. In order to prove that your wife is lying, you will have to do it by showing the Judge what her true character is. You must bring with you witnesses to testify to that
(a) She drinks very frequently;
(b) Anytime that they have seen her, she was drinking to exces;
(c) Whenever they saw her, she was drunk and they could tell she was drunk because of her speech, her appearance and her glassy eyes;
(d) Whenever they saw her, she was always very, very verbally abusive;
(e) They saw her being physically abusive towards you; and
(f) That she was always angry at somebody or something, any time they saw her;
(g) That she was always ready to pick a fight and yell at someone for no reason;
(h) They should testify as to specific instances so that they will be more credible to the Judge. For example, a witness who was at a specific get together can say something like, "I recall that recently when we visited Mr. _______ 's home, his wife was drinking and she looked like she had been drinking for a while because her speech was slurred and she couldn't walk straight (Or, she was tripping over her own feet, or she kept dropping things).
Another witness can say that they saw her on a different occasion and she was drunk, and for no reason at all, she started yelling, screaming, and cursing at Mr. __________ (You).
By bringing with you 2 or 3 witnesses who have seen your wife on several, different occasions, you will be showing the Judge that your wife has a pattern of acting this way and it was not just one, isolated time that she was drunk and abusive.
You absolutely must bring in the person or persons who witnessed your wife dragging you with the car and throwing you in the driveway. This will "seal the deal" and convince the Judge that you are, in fact, the victim, she is the aggressor, and you are the one who is in need of an Order of Protection
You can use these same witnesses to testify as to you character and peace-minded personality and testify
(a) They never heard you threaten your wife in any way in the ______ years that they have known you;
(b) They never saw you even raise your voice to her in the ______ years that they have known you;
(c) They never saw you raise a hand to your wife in the _______ years that they have known you;
(d) Your reputation in the community is as a respectful individual, a peace-loving person, a very low-key person who does not lose his temper, and who has shown his wife and all others in the community friendship and understanding
And, remember to ask the Judge at the end of the hearing for an Order of Protection and exclusive occupancy of the marital residence
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