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If the court order was already entered and finalized by the court, if your ex spouse will not agree to the change, then you would have to have appealed that decision within 30 days of entry of the order to change it. If you did not appeal within 30 days of entry of the divorce decree you are stuck with the decree and QDRO as written.
If it has not been 30 days since the order was issued and she does not agree to the change, you can file a motion to reconsider and if the court refuses you have to file an appeal based on the court incorrectly including what should have been your separate property in the calculation of the pension entitlement.
If she does agree to the change you can submit a Joint Stipulation to Modify Decree of Divorce and you would write out exactly what you agree upon and that you agree to have the QDRO modified accordingly and submitted to the court. Once you submit it and the court signs the modification, then the attorney can redraft the QDRO in accordance with that order.
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