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Defamation requires that someone makes a false statement of fact. Disclosing true personal information, or opinions are not considered legally defamatory. You have no recourse for someone telling the truth, or repeating information you have provided. The only exception is where there is a confidentiality requirement e.g. doctor-patient, client-attorney etc. Talking to a co-worker does not entail a confidentiality privilege. If someone lies, or spreads untrue statements these can be the basis of a suit for slander.
With respect to custody, adultery by itself is not a sufficient reason to stop a parent from seeing his children. If your husband is no longer living at home you have the right today to refuse to allow the children to go to the other woman's home. On the other side your husband has the right to take them there if he has access to the children.
You can file a custody action and within that action ask the court to prohibit the children from visitation at the girlfriends home. You could ask the Court for monitored visitation. However, this is usually reserved for instances where the children's safety is at issue. You comments do not describe a safety issue when your husband is with the children,.
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