Hello, I am a disabled 50 year old on disability. I am married to a retired soldiers who's first wife died. He is currently working for the Department of Defense. He has given me an altamatem that I need to decide by the end of this month if I want to be in this marriage because I can't work and he cant go out with his friends at night or the weekends. What are my rights and what can I do to protect my self and secure myself financially?
Country relating to Question: United States
State (if USA): North Carolina
I have asked him to go to couseling, but he will not go, he won't talk until he give orders or me choices that fit his needs.
If you are not able to work out your differences then you are going to have to consider the alternative of leaving. It is a very stressful and emotional situation and your husband will not consider working things out and wants them only his way, I am afraid that you may have to prepare for the inevitable divorce. You really should get an attorney if you are going to be seeking divorce, since you being disabled and the emotional strain of divorce can make it very difficult for you to adequately protect yourself and your rights. If the court finds that it is equitable based on his income and your Disability, they can even likely make him pay your attorney's fees.NC is considered an equitable distribution state, meaning upon divorce each party would take an equitable share of the Marital Property (property acquired during marriage). NC has two types of support, post separation support and alimony.To be eligible for post separation support, a dependent spouse must show that his or her resources are not adequate to meet his or her reasonable needs, and that the supporting spouse has the financial means to pay post separation support. In deciding the inadequacy of the dependent spouse’s resources and the supporting spouse’s ability to pay, a court looks at the parties needs in light of their accustomed standard of living, their incomes, their income-earning abilities, debt service obligations of each party, and their necessary expenses.Post separation support is designed for temporary support. Alimony is designed for longer term support where the court finds an alimony award to be equitable. The court uses the following factors to determine the equitable entitlement to alimony:1) Economic dependency, which is a sole sufficient factor for awarding support. In this your disability and inability to work would show economic dependency to determine if alimony is required based on the insufficient amount of your Disability Benefits.2) Fault of the paying spouse can be considered by the court as to whether or not support is equitable.The court then looks at the following factors to determine what is equitable: The relative earnings and earning capacities of the spouses; The ages and the physical, mental and emotional conditions of the spouses; The duration of the marriage; The standard of living of the spouses established during the marriage; The relative needs of the spouses; The contribution of a spouse as homemaker; The relative education of the spouses and the time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the spouse seeking alimony to find employment to meet his or her reasonable economic needs;
The extent to which the earning power, expenses, or financial obligations of a spouse will be affected by reason of serving as the custodian of a minor child; The amount and sources of earned and unearned income of both spouses, including, but not limited to, earnings, dividends, and benefits such as medical, retirement, insurance, social security, or others; The marital misconduct of either of the spouses through the date of separation; The contribution by one spouse to the education, training, or increased earning power of the other spouse;
The relative assets and liabilities of the spouses and the relative debt service requirements of the spouses, including legal obligations of support; The property brought to the marriage by either spouse; The federal, state, and local tax ramifications of the alimony award; and Any other factor relating to the economic circumstances that the court finds to be just and proper.
You would also be entitled to an equitable share of the marital property and bank accounts. Depending on the length of the marriage you could also seek a portion of any pension he contributed to during the marriage.
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Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX have another question. He purchased a house before we got married. However, I have lived in the house longer than he lived in it before we got married. He decided to put my name on it. So both our names are XXXXX XXXXX house and the property. almost 7 acres. Will I be entitled to half of this? I have made so many improvements and have managed the money so that the property and home looks 100 times better. He always says things like, I have never owned so many pairs of shoes or so much cloths before.
Once he put your name on the house, he turned it into marital property, even if he bought it before the marriage. Thus, you would be entitled to an equitable share of that property and possibly will be able to get possession of the property as part of the marital Settlement Agreement.
I hate to bring this up, but his first wife commited suicide, she so he says was diagnosed with bipolar. He keeps saying that I am the same way.??? I have all these people in my life who say I am very intelligent and well rounded. Including therapist. I went for eval for bariatric surgery. I am also told of my high intelligence. He keeps knocking me down. I feel as though he tries to mentally knock and break me down piece by piece. He plays alot of mental games. We will be married 9 years come this 4th of July. I do all the finances, all the maintance for the house. All he does is go to work. I got a separate account for him because he kept getting over drafts becasue he can't manage money. He says it is contolling. He was going to put us in such fincancal ruins. I have an audio recording of him, oh how mean, saying that my rhuematoid arthritis and my torn mensus in my right knee is all in my head. I tried to talk to him for months before I quit working but he wont listen to me I couldn't walk. I would like to know if mental cruellty is a possiblity/
It sounds like he is a passive aggressive or a narcissistic person who is not happy unless they are demeaning others. The mental cruelty is a ground for divorce and showing how you managed all of the affairs during the marriage is good evidence as to why you should be entitled to a minimum of 1/2 of the marital property. If he is treating you this way, you would likely do best considering the divorce option.
JA Mentor -Attorney Labor/employment, corporate, sports law, admiralty/maritime and civil rights law
Good day, Thank you for the wonderful advise. The holiday was no holiday or 9th anniversary. It was nothing but a demeaning day. He tried everything in the book to try to kick me down and I believe to try to make me leave. My question is, in the state of North Carolina, if I walk out and stay with say my mom so that I am not subject to all this mental cruelty, does that mean I forfeit all my rights to the property of the house, land and goods in the house?
If you leave the home and file for divorce, he can make a motion to retain possession of the marital home until the marital property settlement, but it does not mean you forfeit rights to the home or contents, no. You should consider meeting with a local divorce attorney and get everything in place to file before you simply leave and you can file your motion to get temporary possession of the home before you leave as part of your divorce petition.
Good morning, I have a question, how hard would it be to have his work email, Department of Defense, supeona for court. He does alot of his work here on his work desk top. He has been told at work about what he does on his desk PC/ so he got a lap top issued by his work. At one of his previous jobs, he was written up for sexual harrassment. I really think that he is trying to do the same thing to me, and take the same route with me that he did with his first wife, God rest her soul. I gave him, what he so called space this week. I didn't call him or go by his office or email him. I didn't bother him when he came home from work, however; I did maintain the household and talked with him as I would normally do reference his health and etc. He wasn't happy with that either When I asked him point blank if he wanted a divorce, he said "why do you have to go out to left field?". I do believe this man is playing head games. So what would have to be done and can it be done to have emails supeonaed and his cell phone records?
Getting government email subpoenaed is difficult at best. You would have to show a compelling need for the email and they have to filter out anything that is work related for security. Telephone records you can Subpoena and you will only get phone numbers, since contrary to popular belief text messages are not maintained by the cell companies. It sounds like he is playing games as you say.
I often wonder what if anything he is saying to his coworkers and friends, they are very standoffish with me. With my friends they all say that I am very intelligent and they he is crazy to think that there is something wrong with me. When I told him last night to tell me exactly what he wanted he told me to get help, I told him okay, I would go see someone, only if he agreed to go see someone. He said yes, but I really don't think it is going to happen. I have a lot to loose in this relationship. I have no job due to my disability and only receive that. I depend on him for medical along with Medicare. I depend on him for most of my medical and financial needs. I am so afraid of not being able to meet my medical needs. He is very sneaky and I don't know what he is capable of now. I will go and seek out a lawyer, but do you think that I should give in to him and see a couselor? Would this be beneficial to me?
While I know you are afraid and you have problems you need to be cared for, you also do not deserve the abuse you are receiving and it is a difficult choice for you to make. You should see a lawyer and you should also see a counselor as well because that will help you deal with the changes that are happening and the counselor will likely make you realize it is time for you to make the split and that you can survive.
I was wondering, what I needed to do to make sure that I get spousal support and to keep getting it. I have no means of supporting myself.
If you prove you are not capable of working or finding employment because of your disability, then this is a major consideration of a court in awarding support together with the length of your marriage. The longer the marriage and your inability to work would mean you would get more money for support (assuming of course he has the ability to pay).
No, I have no means of supporting myself. I have tried but my body or mind gives out on me. I have come to the sad realization that my working days are over. It took me a few years to come to terms with it. He on the other hand keeps hounding me about it. I know I deal with the mental games he plays everyday with me. I just can't take it. I have no way of supporting myself or paying for a lawyer or my medical expenses. This is what scares me. I hate the fact that I am in this situation. Thank you for your advise
I understand and I understand you are scared of the future. If you cannot work and he has the ability to pay, then you would be entitled to spousal support and the court may even award you attorney's fees at their discretion.
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