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I am living with my mother who has advanced age related dementia.

 
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  • Answered by:Ely
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I am living with my mother who has advanced age related dementia. My eldest brother is executor and he and his wife are handling Mom's monies. They have been very difficult and have tried to make me look bad with my other sibs. All 4 of we other sibs have asked for transparency of Mom's estate, We have asked for over 2 years! Meanwhile I am not be paid properly and have put up with their nonsense and lies for 3 years. The last 2 years I have received unemployment so I have been able to make it work. I need to be properly compensated and I am totally unselfish and more than reasonable! Friends have told me to get a contract but I haven't wanted to upset anyone. Now my unemployment is up and noone is trying to finally make it a liveable wage for me. I am dealing with very hard core work and we cannot ever leave my mother alone, so my disabled daughter stays while I take breaks. She receives no compensation, they know she receives SS and thus think that her free rent is enough compensation. We are now, after much prodding on myt part ans some on my siter's part, we are having a caregiver come in for 8 hours 1 day per week. The Executor brother and his wife told my sister I didn't need and shouldn't ask for a break! We are lifting my Mom and cleaning both bowel/urine messes and realizing what a dirty dealing hand we have been handed.I have made a committment to my Mom and wish to stick with the committment and the other siblings always tell me how bad they feel, but nothing is done. My second to the oldest brother is coexecutor but says he is too busy and doesn't want to make enemies of my older brother.The eldest brother has always been a slick salesman and his wife has always believed they are entitled to most everything.

I cannot believe I have gotten here and cannot afford a lawyer. What can I do?

 

Optional Information:
Country relating to Question: United States
State (if USA): Washington

Already Tried:
I have written email requests to all siblings so I have written record of my requests and of the general situation. Myself, my sister and my co executor brother have asked for traansparency of estate accounting and more pay for me we have had 2 family meetings to resolve issues. But transparency isn't happening and I am left out on a limb with noone committing to help me!

Submitted: 372 days and 5 hours ago.
Category: Legal
Value: $59
Status: CLOSED
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Expert:  Ely replied372 days and 5 hours ago.

Hello and thank you for the opportunity to assist you. There might be a slight delay between your follow ups and my replies as I am typing out my answer, or taking a quick break. Please remember that this is general information only, not legal advice, and no attorney-client relationship is formed.

I am very sorry for your situation. It sounds like this is quite an issue in the family. However - can you please tell me - what are you asking, specifically? What do you need to know?

How to find a free attorney? Or something else?

This not an answer, but an Information Request. I need this information to answer your question. Please reply, so I can answer your question. I look forward to helping you.

Customer replied372 days and 5 hours ago.


What should I do that would cost the least? My "pay" is the mortgage payment(1000.00 +taxes+insurance)garbage,electricity, water and 200.00 for groceries. This means at age 59 I am making what I made over 30 years ago and am tied down to 24-7 care and my daughter is a 2for...

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Expert:  Ely replied372 days and 5 hours ago.

Thank you. Are you being paid out of her estate for helping her?

Customer replied372 days and 5 hours ago.

No. She recieves 3400 dollars a month in retirement and Social security. I am "paid" out of that, supposedly. Noone has gotten an answer where the balance of each month after paying me goes? All of the estate monies are being kept secret by my eldest brother and his wife.

Accepted Answer

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Expert:  Ely replied372 days and 4 hours ago.

Thank you.

It is not clear in what capacity he holds the account - as a trustee executor, or as an adult guardian. In either case, he owes a duty to the account to maintain it.

If he does not, then you may file a motion in court to have him "deposed" as executor and ask the court to elect someone else. While an attorney is not mandated, one is recommended.

If you are having financial issues with retaining one, I can recommend two resources. First, here is a list of all pro bono work in the state:

http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/probono/directory/washington.html

Second, call your local law school and ask for the legal clinic. The legal clinic is a free service the school(s) provide to the community. While they are often overbooked, they have openings sometimes. Here is the list for them:

http://www.hg.org/law-schools-washinton.asp

However, I am afraid that unless the trust (if this is a trust) calls for reimbursement of taking care of your mother, you really cannot demand to be paid...

While the legal system tries to be inclusive of every possibility, sometimes people have limited avenues to seek relief. Please understand that this is not the expert’s fault. Surely, you prefer that I tell you the truth rather than what you wish to hear. Please keep this in mind when rating my answer. I understand that this may not be easy to hear, and I empathize.

I hope this finds you well. Please remember – I do not get credit for my time with you unless the answer is rated by you (while no mandatory, a bonus is always appreciated); I work very hard to formulate an informative answer for you – please reciprocate my good faith. If you need more information, simply hit reply so we can chat until you are satisfied. You may always come back to this thread for follow ups on this topic free of charge.

Expert TypeCounselor at Law
Category: Legal
Pos. Feedback: 98.6 %
Accepts: 17994
Answered: 6/12/2012

Experience: Private practice with focus on family, criminal, PI, consumer protection, and business consultation.

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