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If the attorney didn't take you on as a client, it is legal for him to take her as one. However, if you told her attorney something in confidence, he cannot use this information against you without your waiver/consent. It can create a conflict of interest, which should require him to withdraw, or wind up causing a bar complaint to be filed against him.
Needless to say, it is not a good idea for him to do this, but it happens all the time.
As for changing the trial date, there is noting wrong with doing that.
You can file a motion for contempt against her if she is not following the court orders.
You can also file a motion for sanctions against the other side for intentional delay, etc., vut this is often difficult to prove.
I agree with you. It appears that your attorney is extremely intimidated.
A written agreement duly executed should be upheld, and the judge should hold him to it. The attorney can't break the law and force the judge to do the same. Hopefully, the judge will do the right thing.