Thank you for your reply. I just noticed your additional information pop up after I sent in my answer.
The petitioner is the person who requested the restraining order, Tom would be the defendant charged with the crime. The alleged victim or D.A. would be the petitioner. Yes, you would be wasting your time, especially if the D.A. requested the no contact order.
A letter won't work here, you would need to file a motion to get it revoked, but again only the person who asked for the restraining order can file the motion to get it lifted.
If you wish to address the court, you will need to ask the Judge to let you speak because they are not required to read letters without the approval of all parties involved. But to prepare what you want to say, you can let the court know that you need to have some limited contact in order to know what to do with his belongings and that no one is willing to help you. If your intent is to ask for the order to be listed, you will need to convince the Judge that the events where not enough to issue a restraining order given that you were not concerned for your safety, as you can see this would be hard to do given that he is being charged and pending a hearing. The most you can do is ask to limit contact for the sole purpose to dispose of his belongings, even if you can speak with them in front of the cops or while he is incarcerated in the visitor's area.
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