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I'm so sorry it does not appeared to have worked out for the 2 of you. With regard to your desire for the ring back, it is a fairly sure thing that you can not (unless she wishes to give it to you). While courts may vary in stance on who gets the engagement ring when the couple breaks up BEFORE the wedding takes place (the argument in favor of the giver for those courts that hold the ring to be a gift conditioned on the pending marriage (NC is one of these states), once the marriage takes place, the condition has been met and the gift is no longer conditional.
I wouldn't spin my wheels pushing for this in Divorce settlement, as the law won't support you on it - it's hers.
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Good luck with it all from here on out.
Stephanie O. Joy, Esq.