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Is the 37K in your name as well as his?
They are dead wrong and are just trying to scare you into paying. I am a NY attorney and the only time a spouse is liable for the debts of the other spouse is for necessaries....food, clothing, etc. not trips with a girlfriend. The other questions are therefore academic.
This is information only, NOT legal advice. No attorney-client relationship has been created. Consult an attorney in your state for legal advice regarding your issue.
1. That is simply the accurate statement of NY law. You can't be held liable for those kinds of expenses unless you were on the card too. I don't know what else I can tell you :-(
2. Your card was only debited once.
This is information only, NOT legal advice. No attorney-client relationship has been created.