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heh i can feel you with me about on time. bugged out the mod tho:( psychology is a bitch for the time being, i'm btw transfering people into my brain and then i'm them. I should probably find some comedian.
yeah could feel something was up heh. i was trying to figure some id-ego-super-ego stuff, but all i can imagine is transfering myself into a comedian of some sort. if i could humour everything i'd be funny:) my bf has a tendency wrack my head up like a peanut. but how to find someone who's just trully a comedian.
going through people's ego, subconscious and find the fun in it. it's way more funny if it's a person who got the life they want but not have had it all along. i don't think i got my own identity. i'm just others with my own id if it's too much.
ok if i say go into my mind and thikn of someone, and then i feel, if not my ID is running me off. the id can't handle stress from controlling people, or people who don't respect me.
ohhh i see. hmm. i don't know i make my own i think heh. if you could find some way to trigger responses in different people, like i need a comedy in my head, hmm what life would be really funny? dark humour is ok also, like i want to humour people's problems, and the path between evil and good. what's evil? what's good? what makes a diff, what is the path to nothingness, and just recreate. like I got no identity.
yes. i do. like i love new serie with people going from hell to beyond, fantastic play heh. you know why i wanna talk to you. you don't need answers, just say what you think. i love people's brain and why they are who they are. do you think control is needed to live a life? is our true self who we are.
check this. if we live together all as one and noone will get hurt, what plae would the world be. if we delete all religions and come together as one, who would we be.
all control, do you think we would have kids if we all got what we wanted? like would maslow be nothing if we were able to navigate through all elements and make the world perfect. i guess evil would be not coping and take lives wouldn't it?
i don't know. i don't thiknk they need it. i think everyone will grow into human beings, like a dog can take care of a baby. people will find their path. ofcourse parents has to guide their path but not control them. you cannot control death. you can have a dialogue to safe people. i dont like sin, what happens is a result of environment and teaching. life i a discovery. jail is a discovery, and not to be controlled.
ok say you got born, and your parents was like "nothing" and gave you all you wanted and had a dialogue with you until you got older and find natural things to do within society. then they learn you to respect other beings, and naturally grow with the features you got, give you all what you needed to be able to do what your skills are good at, you could like check what your skills are, and then you are ready to work, marry and have kids. the task is to protect you from outside world and let you have control over what's around you but let your path be guided into a greater high, then when you got higher you find a girl and marry and you work together to be one. so like if we all had that path for us, we all would be working together to feed ourselves and protect us from harm. todays world need better ways to do things. we need more philosophs:) it's like a indian path i believe. the ones not coping has to find better paths that helps them.
yes. since I felt their pain and their genes i blocked it and had the control and couldn't let them do it. they would have to wait a bit and try nurture best they could until i develop and was able to take their pain, but since i felt i was able to do it, but once they disappear, it was a no go. instead they criticize me at some point and others did as well, cause not understanding it. to be honest i was at sea for weeks to get back going, but for some reason they could not control me, cause i had their pain in my head, and it was too much. so when people played with me in inappropriate ways i just enjoyed it, and i didn't care what people told me, cause i just was theirs, unless they try harm me.
they have been controlled by their parents and had other lives than they were used to, so they didn't know better, than to think that i could be treated the same way. it's nothing more they would like than to be able to giev me something i needed, but i don't think we had the fully grown "mental path" to know anything about it. and since i got this power i was not listening cause i knew better. so water and listening to the radio made me pretty grown very fast, mind games and math games and what not, fishing and rowing, being with kids was just a fool's game:P my aunts took care of me, so i did some farm work and cleaning and everything just for fun, but school kinda destroys me and they didn't let me stay over there.
heh let me be a grownup from day 1 without enough caution? when i wanted a life on my own cause wanted to play computers and go to school i failed pretty badly or the year before when finished before college i was out drinking and people had sex with me or just touch me, mirc made me meet them. but i have no sex drive for real.
it interfers with my grownup life cause of all the rules and me not sleeping and whatever, and the fact i need studies to have a job and a social life, i don't have one, and everyone around has made their life and is out there being with people who can work. the people who work is controlling sick people i would be able to be with and find a path for, and they lose control to other people some of them, i don't like that heh. also other sick people is too scared to take a contact cause i'm nothing in society. bf is pretty full of himself playing wow. now i start hate democracy and rules. and social life of people it's stupid, i could of heale dthe world if i was let.
stupid rules, there's no jobs for people like me. and i cannot even get out of the door at 8-4, so had to find something at night, but my "social" is going to stop me. i can make music and comedy possibly and try send radios, with no sleeping routine i'm screwed in society especially out here.
i can't have one cause they are all in wrong time, and i don't have grades to do one i can do. i could go to a shop stay there but doubt it's open. bibliotecarian possibly but too little people i assume. radio or tv or comedy or whatever is kinda the best choice, until i got what i want.
i'm the worst house cleaner ever heh. babies grow up too fast and i cannot nurture someone's elses kid. children care where i help moms would be nice but i need a change in society to do so, cause the rules is f**king with people.
ya i dunno. i'm so lost listening to this darn game heh. need to listen more music and get out of it. maybe music is a good path for me. i'm so insecure and tired. what's the ghetto? darn so annoying by the game. i have to stress down:(
already done. but got on the wong ones i assume. johnny cash and elvis and what not heh. fugees make my feet burn!:) have to listen more to her.
you remember killing me softly with his song? it's a early 90's song i believe.hiphop and rap and pretty nice. the first one is better, and hey talking to you is what is saving me from big stuff, i like people who has found a path in life and has had a hard time getting there, always enjoyed elders, and tried be with them and help best i could as a child, but i guess i got a lot more than i helped heh.
it's a mix of bridgit fendler by the fugees. so folk from start i guess. and ya you're right it was 70s some of it, that got remixed. we had parties with it. dancing. ok i'm gonna make something cool, i must find out how to make this funny thing. i have a blogg with all the stuff in my brain that i wrote down haha. it's crazy and terrible things that i had no idea i had read, and suddenly it was on my blog:( or part of it anyway. hope noone read that part that was influenced in it.
omg. totally wrecking me the wow thing, i dunno what is reason.
stupid world of warcraft people speaking is killing me.
it's cause the game is breaking my head:( graphical and the sounds are wrong, maybe it's in another category of sounds, or the players isn't well.
i don't, my bf insist to put sounds on, i made him put on headphones, after 6 hours of listening, going crazy:(
hey thanks. sometimes i wish there was more like you, i been trying to double listening to music to avoid getting stresssed but impossible. if this institution doesn't get corrected i'd wreck someone soon:( wasting my money like that, and i lose plenty of people not living down there and now i got noone.
he has a life, and tell me it's his right to play almost always when at home, i hate it, 4 hours every time, going crazy. if only could sit here all night with you:(
ye totally easy to say. we're totally not on behalf of eachother together, but i have no other way, this place has ruined me deeply. society sucks for me, and i doubt my mom will take this in, totally inresponsible.
not that won't kill me from stress.
all the f**king time someone does, i'm going nuts. i hate them all. i wanna smash them with a axe, and i won't forgive this time.
not with idiots who's totally messed up. annoying me. i'm going somewhere soon i dunno where, i can't be in this town anymore.
never again returning to this town, or any. they will just kill me off like a monkey.
at my parents now. i can forget the other town. whatever comes by will be my saving.
ye, if i can find someone to live with.
no idea. we'll see who i can come by and see, i got my parents most of the day now so i'll be ok until i'm fine, and my bf's friend will help me with working out soon, maybe i'll meet someone at some point:) poor parents having me here but it's gonna be needed. well i'll tell them it's aout time they listen and stop blaiming it on me, and that my life is nearly over if i can't get a refill and find another life. i am not to blaim for this.
i need to get it over to my mom's location and i can get a friend to take me on things for now i hope, i hope he won't hate me. but first family.
i did before, not doing it now.
i could take a walk at the cafe and see what's up. but first family has to take some advice, and try find something with me, and cool me down. i know about what's wrong and i can't take a family yelling at me for the least things.
they will yell at me for being super stressed and destroyed, and they think the state knows the best, XXXXX XXXXX don't. don't take no for an answer and they are ruining me as well. my parents don't get a thing. and is almost impossible get to.
ahhh not so much it's not that. it's that my unconscious was taking them in and everyone else and when i wanted things my way i cried, if i was mad i cried, and if i was sad i yelled, but since they always tried get me to bed and try control me that way, it's not so wierd i got all this denial, and tried get a life away from them, and if schools failed all of them and social chatter was me being bullied not so wierd i get all stressed out and go off with some guy i didn't even had any interest for to play games. i'm done forever with these guys f**king with me. they got mad at me for not sleeping and f**king with me over and over last time and bore me. and yell at me for talking honestly about feelings. i tell them they're my only hope and that noone else can do a thing.
my family gets mad for me chatting about my problems, and don't get a thing, and noone else either, it's f**ked up. they tell me to ask a shrink, i mean wtf i need a shrink for i know how to destress. they tell me i'm suppose to listen to those f**kers, and there's no way i'm gonna let the society destroy me by listening to them again. i told them again and again that i needed someone to talk with and that i needed them to help me, and they just woudn't last time, i tell them i am nearly dying from stress and that i'm not coping at all with my anger, maybe they will get it, that i need stress reduction with singing and music and what not, and talking about it, so they get it and never again ask someone for me to help me.
i tell them i have to restart life as it should of been done, and that the social matters is needed. to have a life.
it will. they just have to be empathically speaking and get a picture of the whole thing and help me get a life, i never had one, get it? cry a few hours and get it out might help, i can't let the subconscious mind be me, but develop to be myself. also talk about how frustrated i am in life and the government, and how much ifeel for being myself, which i never even tried to be. i don't have a reason to be mad so much i just can't take that my life is gone.
having a dialogue and not have them yelling like they used to, learn to be social, and get the stress out of the body, by taking the time but feel ok.
it's ok. i needed this. they just reacted as normal, all got good intentions, the only problem is the state that f**ked us up in the first place, there is gonna need to be a change that make it a lil easier for everyone. the next task will be make changes to make it safe for everyone and not so many suffering. not everyone is as lucky as me.
i believe that they did things to best intentions, just i cannot get my life back on track without someone in my life i believe. or what do you think? social life is important.
hey let me show you what i'm doing, i need to figure a way to tune in the body to open up and get rid of stuff, i hope i can:( the anxiety is making me stress and this making stress on the body and blocks stuff, so i got wierd stuff in my throat:( making me puke. it might be things that should go out the other way:(
well i puke all the time, i think i refill with fluids that get stuck on my tongue, no clue how to get it out. it might be earvax, but where was this coming from, hmm. atleast it's bodily fluids not water or anything else. i had this shit last time i was at my mom too. forgot what i did to get rid of it.
4 times in a row, it's not a lot. i just get out some shit, cause this shit is on my tongue and i can't get rid of it.
just gagging and clearing, i get some stuff up tho. and now it's stuck on my tongue, and this causes me to puke when walking in living room. so destress causes me to do it.
how so? it damages something? i just played guitar btw and it totally hardened my stomach.
ye i got plenty of stuff down there that isn't going out yet. acid and air and i got my ears stuck heh. it's the same every time i'm here. totally shitting and peeing and caughing out shit, forgot what tea or whatever made this stop being in my throat, but all the emotional points in body has kinda whacked me, and stomach is filled with air and water and what not. it is just feelings that has stressed the body yet again and now the liquids want out, the blockages come from feelings and stress. i guess i played the wrong tune heh and it all made my stomach filled up. -> played guitar different tunes, and now i got all filled up with air and things are stuck in my throat from all the feeling making me shit and things going the wrong way and block my ears and waht not. maybe just need destress tunes to keep it going, but i hurt all over the body yet again.
ya i got annoyed dad watched something. and the wrong tunes make me stressed, so it just boils over sometimes, and now it's on the way out from singing, but i forgot what would knock my throat out, i believe sb12 but not the one i got, but there must be something else. my stomach hurts from all the feelings in house, i forgot what i did, some tea atleast last time.
ye i think i had to drink sb12 or something like that last time i forgot heh. no tea yet again ofc. boiled water maye hmm. but i think i have to use pressure points on body to get this going again somehow.
thanks. btw i wrote to them and told them how much i care for them, and this guy running clinic is most likely amazing to make me realize things:) but ofc i have to decleanse this body yet again:(
thanks. will try fix this.