basically i'm hyperactive and really not into people cause i'm asperger and i got traumatized in the hospital so my mom could not touch me, since she also is a controlling person like normal people are, she kinda had no way of making me grow by controlling me, since i already knew better than her in my eyes, and i would not let her touch me, so i had no emotions.so then they did eevrything to make me be stressfree and i got hyperactive.and they could not control me in any way, neither could people.so every time people touch me i backed away and then i started drugs/alcoholto liften up a bit. and got traumatized. my bf is also trying to control me but it was impossible, and i just lied by smoking, until i started crying and such and then i was able to feel.but he keep pushing me when i asked for help and i got all stressed out.so basically i was a baby with no feelings, and i never got out of it, but to control everyone to do as i wanted, well now i pay for it i got no life heh.i even got controlled out of being a very bad person cause i got so many people in my life who i needed.
i basically psychopatic, with emotional needs, and i wish i could let go of it. but noone has the ability to give me the support needed. this is why i wanted you in my life;)
meditation and going wherei wanted. i came back to my mom and asked her what kinda thing happened that made me not touchable, and then i asked if something happened in hospital to make me not touchable, and then she said that i was 1 day off and probably anxious, and also i had something for my legs to straighten them out. so well i stopped crying and i guess i blocked feelings and then i never returned. i'm more like realy really empatic:) and my feelings just were not there. until someone really almost killed me by stressing me out. altho i don't thikn i get the emotional growth back. like physical wise? i had 30 days of peeing whatever, now i started sweating to get hormones back. how would i remove the stress from 1 day of childhood and actually be able to trust people? and actually grow, how? they cannot take me into a place where i am being fed and feeling good? can they? how can i get it back? i want so badly my growth.
i'm very sure that she could not touch me cause i was untouchable and she had flasks for me, then i strated just do as she wanted and then i got all i wnated, but not the emotinoal growth to be with someone. i think i really wanted misery to feel something. well noone else was able to give me all i wanted.
yes. asperger causes you to stress more than others, and they put me off into something to figure things i guess, and put these things on to straighten my legs out, and then when i was back i was having no emotions. then again my mom thought everything was ok and strated to
control me as normal and no breastfeeding. i was like laying on the floor cause she tried to clean me later on. the only way they got me to feel something was when i didn't get things as i wanted and when i was in shock of something, but i was like really mad at them every time they try to do something i didn't like. but still my emotional growth was really good, cause i did everything to get things as i wanted it. then suddenly my body got sick cause i wasn't getting the food i wanted and my bf was all the time ignoring me, and then he refuse to listen to my crying and then i was trying to get someone to give me what i lacked, and then i strated meditating cause noone did. and i didn't tell them one bit of what i felt heh. you know i got bullied, i got taken advantage of, but really it was just me, having no feelings. until i started to get soeone to give me stuff without getting anything back.
don't know what to do to get a life i want. cause i have issues with selfcontrol, issues with structure, issues with my body right now and i need to get away from normal people, they f**k me up. i don't know anyone who can give me what i need.i want physical and i want a bf or gf, that can give me what i can't do.
like getting my med in my mouth and someone to do stuff with, and same time someone who can structurize. how do i find someone without sexual needs? that can do all taht?
so noone can give me what i need somewhere without crossing law? is there noone in the world that could do the tasks i need? do i have to go back to the stage and tell myself it's ok? but asperger women has a problem in norway for sure, regardless what i do. i might need a new mother
a new uncontrolling mother and father. you know like you said you didn't need sex, i need someone like that who gives me what i need, someone who likes music i guess, but that don't wnat sex, and where i get the emotinal needs covered until i'm done with it, so i'm back to actually being sexual active. same time someone who can keep control of food and what i need to put in my mouth. the trust is what is the problem. i wnana return to the sexual phase and i don't know how if it's not someone who don't care what they get back in return until i'm good and then we're able to have sex again.
not really, just a grownup life where i get the man i want and can do what i need to do to fix this trouble. and same time get the meds i need and all what i need to be healthy. who is able to give me a life i want? so i get my emotions back? what type of person would be perfect for it? i really want to study something to fix things for people around. if my wish is still to save the world of troubles, so everyone lives to their optiaml, i must start getting a thing going for most of the world to fix it of its troubles.
heh ya like i can. how do i find a person who is sick enough to do it with me:)? cause government will pay for us.
but i really need to survive!
hehe ye i went from peeing to sweating today. i wonder what makes people sweath? what hormone? i want to restart my life as if i was like a miracle. then i cannot stress. let me tell you what is wrong, there should be no guns, there should be no control elements in people's lives, just peace, and everyone has the right to do what they please, but evil must perish. so to obtai nthat you need to give people the life they want and not a life that kills them. but if you like meditate on everything and every newborn child gets the right treatment you'd probably removed people of their issues and give them emotional freedom. the problem now is that people are wasted in norway, it's all plan technique like in russia, and not every person can take that. this is why you need to start with newborns and moms to get right treatment and also find out what went wrong if someone isn't feeling good. it's more of a project. you might need some kind of control to do it to remove the dangers.
right now there is, if we used the law to fix things we might not need it.
no person is evil when born, someone did something to f**k them up, that's the problem of all societies. even religion is just bullshit as people read it. evil people is controlling the world,
you understand what i mean right? freedom to all people has nothing to do with not getting in the way of what is wrong, but use our brains to get where we suppose to be. that's why political parties has a wrong idea if they let peopole decide what is right and wrong. hey be honest if i'm wrong.
ok if you got a gun that's to safe yourself not to use it.
if someone uses it you put them in jail and fix them by all means.
if we did this in all countries we'd have freedom to grow.
if we think of what exactly is wrong with people and uses good technics to uncover it, invidual based or whatever we can free of a lot of troubles from start, and you might need a gun to protect yourself.
if you go to another country to fix things you must use the same system, and make sure noone gets in the way. this is why world wars are out there. even invidual wars. the freedom is always in the place, but you cannot have the chance to walk out of your fears, and start something. that's why i don't like things like freedom at all costs. at this stage we need to use our brains. if people don't have what is needed to understand the system you need them in jail and then get out of there by treat them. punishment isn't an option. freedom is what gives us worldpeace but at this stage you need control elements to avoid people from dying, then you cannot let them walk out the door. sounds like i should go to jail huh? i wish i had someone to protect it heh. jail is a lot safer than being in norway and have a life.
well to be honest i want to see economy vanish. it's a control technique and make people miserable. food is suppose to be on the trees and not controlled, we suppose to help eachother get what we need. we not suppose to control people who already had a life, we suppose to split what we have and grow what we can grow. rich people should not take advantage of the poor, and they can cause of economy. economy made people grow 1 cow into 100. just to get benefits and growth but what did it made the world? a horrible place heh. well i'll do what i can hopefully someone will figure this for me, and enforce it and get this rich place into something that can save the world of pain. you know i have a feeling that is what was this guy's plan but he failed, trying to control it. what is right for people isn't right for everyone, so need better growth in testing things.
do you know what sweating comes from`? hormones? i wasn't able to sweat for a while and now i can.
it's like a bit of it all the time. neck, my face has overgrown by sensitive skin stuff, armpits.
basically it's the meditation and i guess the water is going out this way now. my teeth has issues healing a wound.
well i had this sweating all through like 6-12 and then i got my period i fear that my period will be back like in dozens next.
a while ago:) i was like 4 months in stress for real. i peed like every 15 and smoke, then i got this sweating thing now. my stomach is like overfilled and not getting much out by pooping.
maybe it's just fixing itself. same with the water thing? it might be an emotion? or a stress thing?
well the meditation causes you to go back to the stage where you are unconsciously, on top of this i get really stressed by it, and need emotional support. so the stress might cause me to get rid of the hormones for a while and then go onto next hormone etc.. like i did with emotions. i constantly receive signals of my head going round and round.
i'm trying to communicate with bf. what do you think if he is a bit messy or has been and i'm a bit messy and i cannot really trust him to give me meds, how do i know he will remember? what can i do when i'm with him while impulsive.
he doesn't understand i cannot remmeber heh. neither does my mom.
naw i remember. well i got a few weeks until august when doctor is coming home to check my stomach. the other place is kinda out of the picture but i need help in some sort of way when it's over i think. i can like go with my bf and find a path but i think what the treatment center has to offer is kinda whacked for me, but i can like wait until august with him as well even if it's not a potential bf for the moment?
he says that but cooking is worse. i broke up 4 times cause he stressed me heh.