sorry closed out while you were out.
without someone in your arms? like if you turned back time and got things exactly how you wanted it, who would you be? and who would be in your arms? i'm very sure you would feel awesome if you got the past covered up like a fantasy. it might of been a rough time, but definately is worth getting the life exactly how you want it, with all the past erased. You're a sweet being. is who you are who you really wanna be to yourself? i'm pushing you:) dunno if you already did.
so you just create the life you want? day by day? what if something upsets you? or if your in danger cause the life you live? or if you made a wrong decision for your happiness. maybe you just made your life out of your destiny. but then again you got all the skills needed to take it right? my emotional pain is cause asperger is stresing me, sensitivity, and cause i had no way dealing with it, i found no support in others, so i went ego, and just made the path out of books heh. thats quite a story lol. i'm my own enemy and so is everyone else.
a life in suffering is a hard life, you owe it to yourself to grab your life before it's too late, this wya you get more out of it. make the most out of you so to speak. or you saying it's too much what has been happening to you? maybe you're right tho, it's way too difficult, i just chose the path to see what was right for me, and why i don't cope. being ok if your not true to yourself is hard.
what if you got sick and could not do anything anymore. wouldn't you need joy in your life? just want you to be happy, you're happy everyone else becomes happy as well, cause you send out the signals for them to be happy. just showing my care:) don't want you to stay in this forever:( it doesn't mean that you're happiness is something you need at all times, but what a waste your life would be to you if you never got there? you can be content but never happy, it hurts my soul to see you not grasping everything in life that can be given to you. you sometimes need to start wanting something for yourself. you get me? what is all you doing worth to you`? i dont want to put you in misery.
so you rather be content than happy? why don't you deserve to be happy? you don't have to replay your life to be. i guess i had to tho heh. you hate me now?
having a blast, fun times. smiling and laughing. true happiness if you got everything covered in your life tthat would be for you, and not much else and made the most out of yourself and then and let go of the past. you probably already did huh? for every bit of negativity you need far more happy feelings.
well say you sing and sing and sing positive songs, one day you will be. since all those negative emotions has to be erased by positive ones, and then you're joyful. you owe it to yourself. it's like taking a mountain trip and whatever, and you get all happy, and release everything in your body. just accepting it. i'm using salty water to release emotions in body and then go for a walk, and then if i sing or do something i'm getting positive vibrations into my body, it hurts but is powerful. hopefully not hurting too much heh.
not being negative isn't joy tho. youre like jesus i guess. i love you for you. i wish i was too. if i only could be like you. i didnt mean to make you feel ackwrad. just had to be certain that you was ok. wish i could return the favor, i so want you good. guess it's a selfish feeling. showing someone your love is like the best thing ever. i don't want you to be on a cross your entire life tho.
one day you will achieve greatness. wish i could see it.
i try give others what they need and want. you dont need to want it. were a lot alike but one day i fell apart. sleep well.
what do you think about this?
how would they get that they are hurting me with not give me any info. and remove me from my bf. lets hope the asperger therapist gets it. btw i stopped smoking for an hour to get the past back to me. so quite a few incidents that traumatized me is on the table. how would you read about emotional traumas?
like how to treat it? to make you an adult? if my mom like touched me i went all bezerk on her, that's why i never listen to people. and every unpredicted move is a problem, without a bit of massaging first. she used to clean my neck while i was laying on the floor laughing from one touch. i also told people she smashed me, while i 10 years later was the one doing it. the bible also must of confused me, but well not much to do about that. can you imagine how much info i've taken in? hah. why is her cousin gone. i really need him.
well i found ways to remoev it. just need to know what exactly is causing fear of someone? and how to remove the fear? if you got stress in body? how can you be so sensitive? is it trainable?
yeah if she yelled i was going upset same with ignoring and unpredictability.
well i feared my mom cause she yelled at me, so i was afraid of her, and she like run after me and try to get me several times cause running. if trying to get dressed i had issues have the clothes on, or if someone touched me i got silent if with someone else. my uncle always try to put me on the lap, and that wasn't so bad.
how do i get a appropriate wording on this, and personalities together with long lasting standings? like how did this happen? if someone yells at you you fear them, so once i didn't do as i was told they started yelling, so i was like afrid and then i was like bashing back.
if someone has a angry tone, or if i'm asked stuff. since then i like to do stuff myself without someone asking, and i just wanted to be free of those tasks when at 10+ due to schoolstuff and kindergarden was quite annoying. i might of had a hard time out with people. but why i block all kinda feelings is the question. shame guilt eb\verything. can it be sorting issues? i'm about to puke.
hmm ye, check this, i used to do what she told me most of the time and got mad when i didn't get to do as i want.
well i have been in stress for 2 week and lost like 5 kg hardly eating or sleeping. today nearly puking again, felt like that a while ago. this thing causes nausea. when i stop smoking for like 20 min my body goes all whacked. it's suppose to be like transcendence to new info tho. so if i talked to you about it, i guess i was right about something? i'm starting to doubt losing weight will be an issue heh.
basically nausea in meditation is like a transcendence to something new, so whatever we talked about made me puke, and get rid of something in my mouth(cortisol i think).
imagine the chakra system represent a body part with emotions in it, so every time you accept an emotion you go further and further until you released them all, so i was like getting cortisol in my mouth cause my stomach is loaded, and puked it out, sometimes i keep getting water all the time going out. so like i lost 16 pounds doing this in 4 weeks or so. it should be a stress symptom, since i don't eat. and now i kinda puked it out in my mouth, it has been tasting very badly for weeks now. hmm maybe i'm on the tasty system or nose system now, something is wierd with it. my stomach keep getting filled with water and goes straight out.
crap i forgot. take care of yourself don't take it in:) have fun.
hi totally in a different mood, cannot have sex anymore. my body is so stressed but it's starting to relief from a few massages.
i'm getting really tense. it's some control issues, i must of feared my mother of some reason, i think it's sensual issues. took a few massages and i was good to go tho. a shower seem to help.
constant lack of controll and stress i been having it for 14 days now lost 15 pounds and sleeping 2-7 hours.
control over my future and past and where my life is going. at the same time safety. control my needs. reprogramming myself to fit where i want. i'm reallyout of options to feel good. why cant i get the treatment i need. and the life. i'm sexually distressed.
thats why i went to bf. but has to be alone 7 hours here and i dont get enterained. and i lose myselfin it. god i hate norwegian therapy, why is ther eno help to get:( i'm so in despair. this is nearly killing me. stupid plan therapy, without any reasonable measurements. i'm even paying for my apartment and my mother has bought tons of shit and this just sucks. my bf don't wanna be with me there and he cannot even. is it even wierd i'm doing all i can for my treaters? they cannot help.
theres no way. i cannot find a thing to reverse this. i lack fantasy. people is what makes me do stuff. since i cannot be around people 24/7 i get all messed up.
he does! and today he didn't and started watching things that make my mind hurt. i need to find some really stressreleasing activity, that i can do myself. i cannot think for the time being, my mind start hurting like hell. the reason i'm here is cause i need constant attention. do you think i'm adhd and asperger possibly?
as in someone who takes you around and entertain you cause you struggle come up with ideas i guess it's a organisation problem especially in distress. the troubles i have with small talk is cause the other people's life isn't something i have interest in, since i don't care who people are just how they feel, and i like talking to people about feelings, or sing i guess this is stress releasing. i like boat trips and being on mountain, reading books, play the computer. running about with people and get all the info i want. researcher i guess? i dunno how people think and i love knowing. then i like being massaged or cared for. when i fell on the coach everything just changed cause i wasn't healthy and had issues standing up. i'm too intelligent for my own good. this is why i went into drugs. you should of seen my dealer, he asked me to suck his cock and i refused so he throw me out, and then i went smashing a window bicycle home to my mom in despair, but well it was later on i got the drugs off him. after a trip to northern town i was in parties all nights long and everyone got really afraid.
its mostly cause distress levels of a normal life my stress hormones are really weak. as a woman in a relation with no organisational, no sorting and a traumatised past you can imagine how i feel when i go back in time heh, and there really is no job for me. especially now that they are forcing me to organize my life and be alone half of the day, you can imagine i'm stressed with my activity levels in brain. i never got myself relating to emotions or sort them. so i must of gotten both traumatized by all emotions and all activity, no wonder i got mad when sad heh. now i'm so good at emotions i can like be who i want to be around people but it's quite impossible do that when i'm alone.
heh trying to find something really positive that requires no brain energy, so i can release the emotions and thoughts that has build up in my head without getting it out. actually i need to do some super memory stuff or something that requires mathematical sense, but i'm about to lose myself over, cause my brain is so filled with crap that requires sorting skills. i'm actually stressed by nothing to do.
i can sing. need a lot of songs tho. got any positive ones? i used to listen to radio all day as a kid.