i got a terrible brain. i need to take a psychology exam and know all people's brain and professions to get them or befriend them, i'm not listening to anyone and everytime i go by a person i can feel what's in them, but not when they close up. it's really annoying i think i'm going to drop out of the institution, there's no way i can take that when they don't get to talk about it, all the people who come by to help me, and me not knowing at all why they do what they do, it's idiotic not to talk about things. how can people be well, atleast i can't heh. the thing is we got 30 people wandering around suppose to help us, and we cannot even speak about stuff, and it is really annoying.
well i told them i wanted to quit, and well now i got an idea why! asperger kinda lacks social competence, so to know people i probably need to meet people in private and make them trust me etc.. and speak about them and let them tell me feelings and thoughts, to see what's it's like, how can i speak to people if i dunno what stereotypes is out there atleast, or find a way to cheer up 40 people without none of them saying anything is like super stressful heh. the 30 people who work there isn't saying a thing and i don't get to treat patients i dunno if i can. after a day in there i cannot stay in my apartment and i really wanna be with my bf, or atleast someone who wants to talk!
no. that's what i need:) but actually how can i handle all this? i really need someone at my apartment to stay with i think, if i'm going to stay there, then again my bf is working at the hospital and he's not really talking any feelings at all. how do i become a psychologist that can work there while staying there? i might have to ask around the anxiety rings or something if i can help someone, that's way better than not talking to anyone about it at all. i cannot fix my asperger i'm afraid.
barely, but i go to the asperger team and she had a few words with me, and i kinda realized it was stress i was dealing with, and now i realize why i cannot speak with people. well the problem now is that i'm overweight and i cannot take all this at the institution. i'm like in stress all the time losing pounds not gaining any muscles, and i cannot even sleep properly at night cause not having bf there. and now they manage stress me again to uncover the asperger thing, so not sleeping up here either. how can i start this without just recovering all the time? it's too much to go up at 7 and go down there and sit all day at apartment unless i meet someone i cannot do this every day.
how am i suppose to handle the stress without the people at the institution and i need some sparetime with bf, the problem is to meet with all the people at night, and not getting time off until 10 heh. i just wish i had somewhere else to sleep, and not having to wake up this early. how can i get someone to sleep with and talk to at night if i cannot get bf to stay there? hmm i figured i'd be better off dealing with the structure thing, but who knows maybe i cannot.
well the structure is ok, i am planning to do it at home, but i don't think i can do it without mental work as wel, i'm very scared to start mental work unless i start the physical activity. i need spare time to get well in body and mind, but same time i wanna speak to people who has another page of mind, or on the same page. i'm starting to think if i move back home it's just gonna make the problem worse tho, how can i get a person sleeping beside me that's on my page. i'm losing weight as is tho, and if i meet with them and tell them how it really is, then maybe they will give me something else.
well at home i could do physical activity while he's at work and work on the structure, when down there i'd not manage even do more than 200 m and i'm short of breath if i've been in anxiety or close to someone helping me i'm really bad every morning, and i hardly can go to bed at night. i'm not sleeping when in this problem. and then it all messes up cause i go over ther eand noone can speak about their issues i just try heal them or have fun with them, and i'm super tired, but not in mind. so i went up for my bf and then back down in morning at 7 am, i'd rather not sleep now heh. on top of this i have no mental balance, and just go all out when at bf. i'm kinda scared i won't be able to do physical work anymore. the asperger thing makes me not happy anymore. if things continue like this i'll have no muscles left.
i can exercise but not much, i just end up walking 200 m and back and forth, and if i go up here things just worse if i have to go back down, if i'm in anxiety at night. i'm constantly in emotions, but not when i exercise. i don't even remember get my food. my breath cannot take it. the worst is that i cannot get him to sleep down there and they have to come by. i don't think this will go away no matter do you think? how can i make it so easy that i can do something, and how can i do this without a person around me most of the day? i'm scared of my body. i hardly recall anything.
let me see. i got asperger, i got routine problems, i can feel other' pain, and i cannot do anything about it, i cannot communicate normally, and the people around me blocks while at work with us and all the patients blocks as well, i got full stress in body, i can laugh but hardly walk without taking a dump and with tunnel vision. i cannot communicate and i need someone to sleep with me and talk to me and cool me down, it's full stress turning into anxiety for the stress and all that's around cause i have no control. we need to stay positive in day and i cannot really take it anymore, and then i cannot relax without breaks and someone talk to, cause i dunno what's up in my head. i went to hospital got some relief but they just really mess me up all the time, and told me to structure on top of it, my brain cannot structure for the time being.
well i just realize the asperger is killing me. all the people messing me up cause i have no clue why they do what they do, and it's really taking a toll on me, i've been having sex with several people that wanted me no good years ago, and then someone at the boat was starting holding onto me and they wanted to rape me and videotype it and my bf had to get me out of there cause i was like smoking and wasn't really so much afraid of it, but i got really fearful and afraid, lucky he was there. this is all making me afraid to stay at the apartment, what if i forgot a door and someone come, and yesterday the guy down there try to navigate me back into the center and cause i had no clue what i could do i didn't interupt it, instead of letting me go home, and stop the treatment. i really need someone with me, i'm so scared. i'm really feeling i have no trust in people, cause they don't tell me what they up to, and i hate living like this with no normal communication with people i can trust and love. this really sucks. on top of it this guy does the leading questions things with me and it realy really sucks.
i just wonder if they can hold me there and get it done or not? i could call up the doc but i think he's on vacation, how do i get it done fast? they sent me to the treatment center for structuring but left in 3 days:( think if i call another doc that he can get me evaluated fast?
they do, but i don't think it's very open and available. i will talk to the people down there and say i need it as soon as possible, and that i cannot feel safe, but the other things are mostly stress, on top of it fearful. are you thinking ptsd?
thanks i'll see for something.
promised myself to get to sleep, what do you think about singing to get rid of stress in body? or shower? is it when the stress is going out or when you feel emotions? i promised to sleep tonight at my apartment, and working out there. i think i get positive very quickly most of the time, but is there anything that can be tougher than i can take? if you're positive does feelings get out of body at the same pace?
meant how far does my anxiety go can it have same result in confusion as stress? the sleeping routines is absolutely whacked. can stress cause anxiety to be higher etc.. or how is the relationship. fear is anxiety, and after i found out what stressed me i got the fear, and i got all kinda stuff in my stomach. this guy told me not to go see doc about it, cause i could trust i could get through it. what would you be afraid of the stress or the anxiety reaction? why would he tell me not to see the doc about it. this place really make me fearful. 2 days without sleep. what's wrong? he might kill me if i don't see the doc, won't he if something is wrong? i really think he migth try to keep me here just to lose weight, and so i can be able to do stuff alone, but i'm a bit worried about my health, and the next anxiety attack or panic attack i dunno what is what? one thing is certain i can't sleep with this going on. if these people gives me emotional confusion cause being here, is it right being here? incase i'll go see the doc and get a shrink, i don' even have to tell anyone. my asperger causes me to not sleep cause something people tell me, it's ridicolous that noone can tell me why they do what they do, and noone sees my stomach. there is a reason i don' tsleep right? no matter how hard i try?
oh was worrying about a friend of mine for a while, try to sleep and listen to cd, but i'm not tired, i had a gasp tho, and it starts in my head. now i'm fearing all that we have been talking about today, it's stupid. is it cause i don't have control over what people tel me is right? i don't think so since i didn't sleep for 2 days how can i have issues sleeping?
that my anxiety will go over the roof, if i don't do anything. and i still feel in this conversation that this guy isn't right, but i cannot tell him cause i need the apartment, to start structurizing and keep what i have until i get the help. he really doesn't want me to go see doc why? it's cause people so easily is manipulating me that i'm fearing, he says the right thing just to keep me here to not make me lose the apartment, while fixing stuff, also i did something right by us talking about it, but i start fear he wasn't right about not seeing a doc. darn i hate how fearful i am for people who is in power of my treatment, it made me realize some stuff tho. well how much do you know of anxiety and fear and panic and if you got to fear and realize your asperger, how far can it be to the end?
so you're actually saying i'm right that i have to see a doc to end this, as well asperger is making me shutdown due to not being believed in the convo, as well as him yet again manipulating me? why would he want to see me on monday if he just want me to try structurize, but this place is bad if we meet with these people and get confused cause what they say just don't work.
cause i cannot trust their opinion in the end if things in body is making me feel ike this?
btw why did you abrubt my question?
leader of the institution. he can't know what's wrong with my body right? that's why i question him.
but i'm right? if i lose pounds and leaking due to stress, have lumps in my stomach due to air and noone is taking it away, water leaking when i raise, constant bump in my head and then stress relief is working, but it doesn't remoev the anxiety right? if i have insomnia for 2 days cause the institution is saying i shouldn't see the doc when i'm right something is worse. he cannot know what i need even if he is a treator of a institution with no doctor. why haven't i slept for 2 days about to go on the 3rd heh. i have reason to be worried if i'm getting anxiety on top of this stress that he's causing me. can a doctor tell me what is wrong with me`?
yep, what they try to give me isn't givable, but i still got the place to stay fix things, if i go see a doc the doc will send me to a shrink what do i need to tell him? that my anxiety is an issue and will soon be really high? and that my body isn't treated right. still the institution is the problem in all this cause they don't tell me the right stuff. they have no competence in anxiety issues do they? the test you talking about what is it?
this is not a ct scan right? or a scan? and ye i know i should see the doc and get one, but it won't make a diff, cause i won't get any in months. i just need to know if the institution is making me worse if i don't sleep at night, and then i'm better off alone right? but i need this shrink to get a picture anyway. you have no idea at all how i can test for what is left in subconscious mind? i tried a funny one where it says i need sex lol.
but my body is worse ddue to major anxiety and stress. what about hypnosis would it be safe? or a tape i need to listen to that reprogram it so i can see the problem? do you atualy have to tap into it at all or see what is the problem, you just reprogram it how you like it?
ye it would be far better than knowing what is happening?
i can do that, i did today. the problem now is fear, how to reprogram the subconscious to be able to trust your guts, and be able to communicate even as asperger? how do i stop fearing. ok so stress has to be released, but how do i know it's released?
well i remember one thing, my parents used to let me cry for 4 hours cause i wanted to go somewhere then they let me go. also they once left me at my cousin cause i didn't wanted to go home cause was having fun. i also thought my mom hit me every time she was close, caumaall the problems with her cleaning me i couldn't take the pain it was to be tuoched. i also run away from her several times, already as a 3 year old. at school i had schizophrenic friend, but the rest just bullied me. at my 10 year old birthday some kids came to eat my moms rolls and then run to play games at another place. well i was bothered by all this but never show it, that's why i decided to never let them decide what i was going to do, which resulted in years of 20+ a really big rampage to be free and all this f**ked me up majorily. i remember my mom crying at christmas cause noone helepd her with the kitchen. then i remember my dad run over groceries cause had to wait for women dressing, same with me always heh. i tried for a long while to listen but when i was old enough i knew not to listen and do as people told me. but well question is what is the next. so i need core issues.
well the stress is continously in me even if i release it heh. it's like i can't fully laugh. it's back in seconds when i stop playing music etc.. it's like it has taken over my body.
can't remember much more, not much of an issue atm tho. except that i get mad when people dont' give me right sometimes. and it's the insecurity in being asperger that gives me issues in relations.
thanks awesome. do you know why the stress is stored inside me? is that's what panic attacks?
hi fell asleep. i found out that i rather be with the institution, and that my bf should be with me every day at night. if he can't live here with me why would i be with him if that's all i need.
cause my asperger is what stops me from living together with someone which i cannot trust, if he stays with me down here i can trust him, i don't feel secure alone, and it's too much stress going to his apartment. it's kinda last chance to see if he is worth it, cause my life is probably down here for quite a while. i really need someone i can trust to guard me a bit.
darn my family is all busy. i want out of this place. now 3 days not slept. too much waittime for a shrink and i don't think my bf is worth is neither is this place.
i don't know what i'm gonna do, i can't live on my own forever. and it's traumatic to stay like this when i don't get the life i want, i cannot live up there with my bf cause he is working and i hate my life then, and then he don' wanna stay with me down here, that's why i rather get my ilfe back by staying at my parents. oh well who knows maybe i'm wrong. 6 months without getting a solution is just terrible. these people coud of made me a life but my bf don't wanna solve things for me, and live a life with someone at the institution. i don't think there is a chance i'll get another life, and i want him, if i can't get him i'd have to settle for a life i don' even wanna have, or die. i'm just protesting to get him realize i'm sick and that i need him and that i need a life for the time being to get back on track.
maybe forever. darn i'm totally sexually frustrated, reason i had so much stress. imagine how it's gonna be like without some cuddle. i was walking around like a water baloon for days. well i hate that he doesn't want to be in apartment, i can't live without cuddle man:( i need him to drop work and take care of me! i think this is all me needing a lot of desire. why don't he listens to me i hate this, noone understands what i do. how to treat yourself from desire?
ye desire kinda stresses me to be without emotional contact. heh i ended up in his bed and get what i needed, we'll just have to get through this, i need to make a safezone and just call out that i'm ok. if positivity would be a treatment, would it also cure your stress and anxiety? he kinda pushes me until i cry and then i relax with a lil of hugs/sexual distressment, really is annoying when people keep saying the same thing over and over cause i don't do it heh. i'm addicted to pleasing. well basically i'll just drop by him now and then for it, since it kinda gets a lil pleasing. his discussions truly is making me crazy tho and he doesn't wanna involve himself in my plans heh. who knows where this will end, a lil stress will just fix things tho. maybe i can cure it by other means? i think i will just write notes all over the place, don't go out, just stay here.
i think i've found what's wrong with healthcare here. my asperger is really unsatisfied.
sorry slow notice, i've been sleeping a bit lately.
basically it's the invidual based therapy is a bit whacked.
i stressed myself nearly to death down there.
there's hardly any competance on the invidual field like personality or invidualism. what's right for someone isn't right for anyone.
like if i'm disabled cause i'm asperger. i'm forced to be around sick people cause i cannot structure, and i missed my bf like hell. he's in work now too and it's quite impossible for us to be together. so well let's say i'm in deep stress and emotional for the time being i lost 100 people in a second by deciding it and i'm struggling to cope cause of it.
so they made me dependant on them to the degree i'm going towards all what's me.
nope. we have asperger health thing, but i didn't receive any therapy that fix my traumas and organising skills. so they should of done it all with me and i would be done in a few hours. but unfortinately we didn't base it on personality or on invidual skills but on a plan that might of worked if i had someone chat with. asperger= need honesty to get any further, or atleast explained why things are done.
it's cause you don't really see the whole picture, and if noone gives you the whole picture you're just completely lost and don't know what to do. i'm stubborn and i knew all along that other people were wrong, cause they did not do this. heh i knew what an wrong thought was before i knew what an emotion was.
i basically wanna go back and have fun at my bf's and get working out again. maybe one day i'll figure a school system and a psychology department to fix this so everyone lives to their purpose without addictions:) worst thing is to get rid of this stupid apartment they got me to live in. it's just idiotic that a private person earns off the government. wtf i need a single apartment for getting well. atleast i learned the hard wya.
why not? we're sex addicts, kinda why i got so strssed. i removed myself from him.
if i only could lose some pounds, and do something while hes working.
this rocks. but i need to fix norwegian therapy. how? and btw why are ypu alone?
without someone in your arms? like if you turned back time and got things exactly how you wanted it, who would you be? and who would be in your arms? i'm very sure you would feel awesome if you got the past covered up like a fantasy. it might of been a rough time, but definately is worth getting the life exactly how you want it, with all the past erased. You're a sweet being. is who you are who you really wanna be to yourself? i'm pushing you:) dunno if you already did.