you know why i talk to you? cause you uplift my energy:) i need help getting my bf to the right track, but firstly, what would you do to make yourself that person who excides positive energy to all around, and knowing what's left in my head, i cannot listen to other people without it not being full of emotions. i rather know what's left to deal with so it's not impossible to deal with when i meet the problem. people can hardly talk to me right now without draining my energy, it's pretty whacked. tell me if you feel that someone send you positive energy, just suddenly sometimes:) this time i wil tell bf to sit down with me and fix things emotionally and also so he's reducing my stress.
i made a plan
-to get as high as I can on the stress level and do something about the weight so that I can more and more.-simultaneous tolerate simple tasks like cleanliness etc..- If possible, try to just be honest so that I can tolerate that people are around me, but let be say that I have to do more- I will increase positivity and tackle relation and so take it with loneliness in a while when needed.- If you are frustrated say so.- Just remind me of things to do but most do yourself but clean and cooking is out daily at the moment.- Need to have created forms for tasks in the apartment and that everything is double checked.- Remind me of finances and mail, and attempts organize and make plans for everything.
then it's all up to me to create my life. while they take over daily tasks that requires organizing and longterm goals and thoughts. i need to adore positivity to give others what they need so they give me whay\t i need.
the other thing is become some sort of healer so i can increase positivity in others.
ye this is why i had to analyze and meditate. to make it simple. lets say that all emotions was blocked and i had nothing positive in my life for a while. i take charge life is good. if noting positive everything is negative, thus you gain blockages, and you had to go through it in some sort of way, and reading just make it worse without any positivity coming into your life. you're doing a good job as well. with all these blockages and no breaks no wonder i have breakdowns. you know i had 14 days in continous stress with barely any break? unfortinately this makes me also very little sleep cause of overweight i cannot do everything i want that challenges brain to get some sleep, and i can take it for 20 hours and sleep 4 hours. heh best of all me being in charge of it, made me do it, noone could tell me what was wrong with my brain before i found out. it's kinda funny, that i worked from one end to another without taking breaks for like 6 months and all i did was talking to you about it. let's say denial pays off, especially if you cannot take thinking or reading very well.
i already mailed it for the ones in care of me. i figured if i cannot create positivity, noone can.
well if i go negative again please remind me, but i will do anything in my grasp to make it happen. well let's see this next plan is.
my bf needs a woman, so i lose weight, workout and train and become healthy= increased stress levels with positivity, he gets a job completely, i get a work within wherever that i can still do with the help i get, if needed.
you know, my friend who's helping himself working at this place next to center, is probably gonna be devastated soon cause it's being sold:(
hopefully can find a way out for him too, if you work your ass off just to feel good, what is the next best thing? he's bipolar or something.
well he falls off on the coach when gets home and have issues in his apartment. all alone. i relaly need to talk to him next week when the market is going on. he was crashing on the coach in between work for a good while, without able to deal with things in his home. i'll just send loads of hapy signals, don't you think it will work?
not that we really ever had a chat heh, but i will see if he shows up really upset, maybe i should cheer him up, he really did loads of good stuff just being there and really helped a lot of people. ok so if you're a martyrian, and cannot work in a job and be okay, what is the next best thing?
hes living for martyrhood. he tries cheer everyone up while his bipolar. so he does all these volunteer work, to make us work together, and keep doing volunteer work cause thats all he feel gives him something, really a great guy. now he has to try abandon the thought, and we really need to keep him with us. he workout loads, but still struggling when his off wor. hope he likes that i tell hin hes good as he is, without taking all this responsibility.
exactly. music i guess. and he tries fitting in with friends working out with. theyre all sick too. he has been with a sick woman. how bad is bipolar? does cognitive therapy help? how do you tell a man that works that hard to get a life, and then get turns down on his offer, that he's good enough as he is?
sorry got caught up. i won't tell him to get a life heh. just wish i could like give him a life. i'm sure he can make volunteer work tho, but we need to keep social thing beyond us people who has not gotten through the eyes of other people. it's obvious he tries to run away from home and not dealing with it. maybe he's just adhd.
i don't really make friends with people unless they're like him sitting indoors watching movies or listening to music when off, this way we don't have to speak just sit there relax. he needs a job go to, and then i will ask center to make some anxiety circle or something, so we can talk about it. but i guess i just need to smile and make jokes he'll be all happy. it helps a lot heh. but this happiness doesn't make me sleepy. i hope i can get down tomorrow and meet up with him to see how he does.
well exactly. i need to say i really like how he is, but he needs to have a good time too and not just responsibility.
i don't think he says no to people. since he's alone. he needs to stay and work on his health and find someone to love. but if he get positive attention that might work:) and someone to clean his place.
ok guess i will tell her that the guy need to feel useful in any way, but maybe he needs to think about what it means, and get things done to get a job. mental health goes before work.
well what do you tihnk about positivity at all times? does it actually help panic attacks?
awesome and i will still work on it? as long as i'm in activity and not thinking?
great i will have to see how friend are today. well i'm worried for not sleeping.
thanks sleep well. your the best.
at work? i might need to take my life back. kinda pointless worry about others, just myself. do what makes me happy. create life as i want it. not worry uneccessary. i wonder what i'm good at. well gonna make this structure and get it done. the loneliness is there still, but i need to make it through.
ye likewhat can i do as asperger. i need to create a life i want. i'm at the end of the tunnel.
nothing. i need to get to top of a mountain, and avoid that i die or just do nothing at all. i need a purpose to be and possibly i want to be there or others..
not for me. my life is clean, i don't need a purpose. people are more important. i just need a way to be that person. organisation isn't me. what person would you admire? i need people to see who i am, and live by it. cause that personi should be.
if i would be me and a living purpose of what people need, now thats me.
you really do knew it all along didn't you. i start be me. and let everyelse guide me through all the difficulties rising.. but where should i be, and what is rght choice before i reach my goa.l
i still need to cope by not needing people to guide me, and make my life worthwhile, what would you do? to get rid of the mom support need.
the one where you wants someone to talk to you at bedtime, and tell you what you need, hug you cause you can't hug yourself. make you something. the goal is nothing isn't it? just be you. this is the reason i needed you. we will meet somewhere over the rainbow.i think i still gonna need you. thanks. this page is a true lifesaver with you around.
well i knew all along you were the one to get me where i needed to be. so don't say anything else. you're a gift to human nature, and only cause you were created. something lead me to you, and here you go. noone has been able to knew what i wanted without saying it, and you got me where i want. regardless of other people pusing me in one way or another, you stick by me, and that's just admirable.
you being you is what is making me save my life and be someone i want to be. you say the right stuff, and things is going allright. think divine guidance is about to get in me.
check my progress. today i said i wanted to be in a room with no exits. then i figure why would i be in jail. i got you and my friends and everyone around as support. all i have to believe is: i can trust my ability to get where i wanna be. all i need to do is listen. so i figure ok i just need to do what i wanna do, change myself as fit. believe the world has a place for me. and change my thoughts to benefit my existance. if i can change the way i think why not believe whats given to me, and my own inner self. all i have to do is accept it. why push it if i'm not ready. being honest is nr 1 priority.
you should of seen me before. honesty was all, but my own guidance was misleading. i just misunderstood everything, and fall into traps where i didn't belong. couldn't trust myself before i decided. wonder where to go next. my head is nearly exploding:)
Crossed purposes, Stony unforgiveness, Feeling overwhelmed, Rejection, Stubbornness, Isolation - Not wanting to be bothered, Anger - Too much turmoil - Can't cope, Blacking out, Incorrect beliefs, Dislike of being driven, Anxiety, Struggle, Self-centeredness, 'Yes, but' attitude, Lack of joy, Flighty, Scattered thinking, Invalidating the self, Self-criticism, Jammed channels of communication, Difficulty in planning the future.
this is what is missing in my life, not sure what more. just need to listen to myself and let others guide my way.
yep. we're on a arms length from eachother. you got me. i choose me, and only me until i can be of others business. you're my guide to a happy life. thank you for being awesome. I love you for you.
i know. i love you like my mother or fathers or people in my life, you rescue them too. guess i might become a healer. i'm pretty sure i can. if i can integrate healing into cognitive therapy someday.
i'll just follow what guides me.
sorry about last night, i'm sure i had perminission this morning. something in my head said my doc's name and my heart been hurting all day, and nearly cried thinking of it. pretty sure someone has died or something is making him upset. how do i know it's not something inside me? or if i'm right about it? i'm worrying everyone about it:( maybe it's just me needing to get used to death. i get a sign from her sis heart, and his parents but not his dad. my heart is totally in overflow. my grandma doesn't seme to put anything in me. i really need to keep reading the paper this weekend. this way i might figure what's wrong.
well basically i woke up, after beating the mind's eye chakra, and fall asleep in my own bed, cause my bf made my head hurt while there and he's speaking, and then i wake up this morning laying in bed and could hardly get out of it, then something tells me that my doctor is in pain, and my heart is upset, so i went all day long with this feeling, and now i dunno what's wrong, i tried maps and see what i felt, i tried his sister and parents to see what's wrong, i asked someone if someone had die, and then i was pointed to find a paper and read about it, but find no paper, and then now i dunno what's wrong. i even called my mother to have her tell me if something went wrong today. and told people at the psych center, but i dunno what's wrong with me or if something is wrong with others. why would i have this feeling something was wrong, if it isn't. is it just a test to tell me i should not worry, or should I? why would i project it to my doctor? i listen to sad music from church and everything. my grandma died and i took it hard, but it's not giving me anything thinking about her.
how do i know what's right and wrong? is it me not taking death very well, but why would i think of my doc in it?
btw yesterday when i was worried about my friend, he came in just as i said it to them, and then i listenked ot them talking and they just said exactly what i had thought the day before, but now i'm told he's allright, and she said not to worry, and i wasn't either, but worried about my doc. if i had so many signs that isn't even my feelings, how can i not be right about having a perminission? every time i go for a smoke the feelings are gone but while in room i have all these feelings. maybe someting is instructing me to feel with people and do the right thing?
i wish i knew. atleast i'm gonna check the papers the next days and maybe go to mom tomorrow, she asked me to. cause sis is there. i worry myself sick over people it's just so terrible to feel like that. why do i drop by just as my friend drops by, we haven't really spoken much.
mm yeah. i just have a feeling. my eye is hurting atm and it's back in my brow. well when i think of me it's in my head, when i think of others it's in my heart. sorry i sound confusing, the heart is about others and how you feel, the head is about godsend stuff, and the brow is about wisdom, perception i guess. when i feel someone who need help i get it in my hands, maybe it's just me all together?
then it's all about testing me to see if i'm willing to partake in others, or myself and choose the right thing? cause i said i was going to listen to it last night. ok so it's back in my heart, it's all confusing.
The color for this Chakra is green. This Chakra deals with physical healing, balance, harmony, compassion, and love. The heart Chakra is located near the heart. The heart Chakra is most important in all facets of love. When it is balanced, you trust in others, take risks, love and feel loved. Physically, it governs the thymus gland, heart, blood, circulatory system and the immune and endocrine systems.
sorry. just head chakra is dealing with doubt in spirits and god and all there is, and the doubt made me go to head. while when i listened to myself again it's back in heart. once i think of someone it's in heart it's stupid not knowing. i'll just go and test it on someone to see what happens.