that's very true, i just want to make things easy, but for things to be easy you must research the right stuff, and positive think until you got there, i'm a mad scientist cause i need to be due to lack of other stuff, that overchallenges me. thinking does no harm unless you let it, and you just need the right soldier to get you where you wanna be, how to simple think if you're brain is just like that that you get all the info and then you boil it down to nothing, by taking one part at a time, there's no life without thikning right? without thinking our life falls apart. so what do you think, i go from my brain and find out what is doing what, when i found out what brain does, i go further and ditch it into pieces to figure what is my problem, then i navigate to find solutions. how would you do it, if you got a problem with your brain? right now i just want to be certain that i'm not doing a mistake and stop before i get where i can be. heh i guess life is all about proof:)
what do you think works? but what i'm thinking is that i'm not in power of it, and that someone has to prove me wrong if i'm going to think different, and they think i'm wrong, i just need proof to find better ways to deal with it, cause otherwise i'm mistaken and then what's the point in using others to help me further, instead of helping me achieve something they want me to achieve, so it's really all about figuring what's right and what's wrong. at one point in life, i must be right on what i say, i cannot just say something without be sure of it. just because i think i'm right doesn't mean i am heh.
ok if you see what i say, is this right?
if i do not achieve something i wanna achieve, like being able to cope with simple skills that my mother told me to do, and then i get emotional and try to cover this up instead of being rightly angry for what i'm doing wrong, cause i cannot do itmyself, and that i'm depending on her for 20 years until i just blocked why i needed her and go play by myself for 10, still i was mad all along and angry noone got me, and i refused their help cause i wanted to be independant, then i shutdown cause of bad health, and i could not live properly cause of lack of organisational skills. this means that i needed help all along, i just wasn't the person to be happy about it, so i got passive aggressive when i received help, cause i hated not being happy and being able to do what she told me, the rest of my life i used all day studying and make myself happy. so how do you think of my analysing?
if she did all the stuff that had to be done in 18 years then suddenly i'm on my own and it goes to hell, then i'm right that i'm actually incapable of doing it, cause 6 years of my life at first was hell cause i tried to do what she wanted me to do, i gave up and then go back to my cave watching tv and wahtever.
i'm ok with emotions. i just need to deal with life, and i cannot just say to my bf and parents and everyone that i'm asperger and that i cannot do what they want me to do, and just stay in this hospital without trying, unless i'm sure, cause then they just give up and i am pretty certain i'm sure, and i really want a reason to make sure i do everything right and i love this so why not continue to evolve until i'm sure that i'm right, my selfdevelopment all depends on this, so it's just a conflinct that stands in my path to become who i wanna be. someone who can proudly say that i'm doing something to get my health on track. it's all up to me anyway:)
but sometimes you need guidance to get on the right track, and i think i'm okay as i am, but not knowing what lies ahead is just killing me cause i need to be in control of my own future. it's better try and fail than not trying to do something good in your life right? it's in the way of my health but i have to get people help me on all this that matters, and right now i can't deal with any of it, i'm just helping myself along the way to avoid feeling miserable. then i can return to my life cause i do something good that helps me and others.
my wish is to figure something that helps me and others, so i don't feel like i'm a waste, cause i focused on this for so long and it's needed to develop. this is about helping yourself and be as much as you can be, and be sure you can be confident, and nothing else make me comfortable than achieveing something you have worked for. i told them i have asperger and that i'm not functioning, but how do they know i'm right, if they don't see any proof that the reason i'm not doing as they say, is cause i'm right in my intiution.
so what do you think? i should be my life and noone else should tell me otherwise right? you know i'm not dealing with emotions myself, i just tell them to others to make me happy, and they don't, then nothing is wrong with me, it's all them, not doing what they should be doing heh. if i need them to be okay, then they should of told me that right away:) not let me find out myself heh.
cognitive therapy works, but i don't think you can just workout and heal yourself while noone is doing nothing to help you, especially if it's blocked emotions. they pushed me to hell and back for 3 days and i discover 6 problems tho before i could say i'm me and i'm asperger and there's nothing to do about it, but how insecure am i not having to prove this to everyone, cause i know i'm right.
sometimes you need to be placed somewhere to receive cognitive therapy but then you need your defiences proved as well.
yes this is self esteem. that's why i do this, i don't want everyone else to waste anymore time, cause of me, and my self esteem, if i cannot feel that my main reason for living is right, what's the point heh. i just need proof that i have reason to have self esteem, it's all depends on one thing, my defiency, and that i have proof that i'm right on that i cannot do it, or if i'm not, i need to be proven guilty. see that's what life is about, to proof that you're yourself, and that you can do anything you want as long as you ask for help from the right people, but you cannot always listen and help people to make the life you want. you need to show you earned their respect and that you can deal with things yourself to have them show you respect and give you what you need. i need to know i can be right about one thing in life, and that i can proof it to the rest of my family and not be mistaken and have the guts to tell them what i need. so what you think about what i say, are you thinking i'm mad or am i just doing what's right?
you know why i make others happy? to make myself happy, but then i cannot make more excuses for being me.
no. it's probably an excuse for being me, but who doesn't need approval, if this is what i've done all my life, why stop suffering to make life less painfree, if i can evolve. i never been approved in my life, for something i did, my family is just planning and telling me to do stuff and think i'm doing everything wrong, just cause i'm not able to clean my hair and shower and whatever, and workout to make life good, i d be good workout cause everyone puts their charge on me for nothing i did wrong. i'm suppose to be in charge of me, not them in charge of everything i do, if they're so stupid they don't understand that, i'm the one to befree them from the charge. i just nee dto prove someone i'm right for once, cause who i am if noone thinks i'm right in what i do? so what you think? is that not selfdestructive to try prove the fools? why do you think i'm talking to you, you're wise, and know all you set your mind to.
if everyone told me that i was wrong for 30 years and that i'm miserable cause of me, and not other people, they don't get me, i am obligated to prove them wrong:)
so have i proven everyone wrong, or do i need something i'm not getting?
darn i hate when people don't know what to say, can you even say something? see i know i'm right, i just don't get to tell people i'm right, cause i'm not a psychotherapeut or got a master degree in whatever.
i'm not angry with them, i just don't get why they don't see the positive and just the negative, what if i could sit on cottage all year and enjoy myself and relax, rather than run from place to place and make myself miserable heh. it's not my family, it's the world heh. if i don't prove myself
how many will not suffer the same thing? it's not my family that broke me down, but the school and everything involved in my life, and too many people who doesnt' know what to do to enjoy themselves, instead of putting others down. i blaim myself as well for just tossing life away instead of doing what i needed to do)
ok you know what, check this out so i give you something positive, so we don't sit here thinking that everything is a problem.
i'm tired of not being in charge of my life, and i hate how i'm struggling with organisational problems, but after all, who's gonna do the organisation if i cannot do it?
you know what i'm angry cause i cannot find a proof, my reading skills is limited and i cannot find a track, and i cannot do it myself. help me see what i'm doing? cannot do anything but letting someone else get me through it. or can you figure if that's my problem? it seem like it, what is that problem? what brain part is it?
hmmm let's see
"my life lies in my head, deep buried in emotions, which i cannot solve without dig my life out of my head"
heh not so strange.
"my life lies in my head, deep buried in emotions, which i cannot solve without dig my emotions out of my head"
basicaly my real life is buried in emotions, and my head is about to blow up, cause of emotions taking it over, all cause i had a few stressful events that wasn't solved, i buried the emotions to cope, cause noone resolved my issues. the reason it's all buried there is my organisational skills, and not able to resolve issues that's complicated. you get me? i become someone i'm not to be who i am inside, and just lie away and make people happy, but in end the stress took me in and destroyed me on deeper levels, in such a way i had to start taking care of myself by hurting my head. once the buried emotions is back my real life is back, not deprived by whoever is putting me down and whoever makes me angry.
so what does it takes to convince i'm right to someone? so they give me what i need in life.
hey btw, you don't have to act as if I am insecure anymore, the reason i talk to you is cause i am bored, and i wish i got some answers so i could help them figure a way to get my life back on track, need to explore the emotions so they can help me. i know the less you say the more i deal with things, but wish we could have a conversation without quetsions heh:) i think i got enough of therapy or quiet people that doesn't me to tell me what they think. i owe you your feelings put on me rather than your role. mate i love you, you're the funniest person i've talked to, but i really need to stop speaking and let you talk. please tell me and stop taking it all on your cape. heh this is my biggest annoyment i don't really wanna do this at all, just have a chat.
i know i sound like i know it all, but i don't, and i really want a twoway conversation, you're amazing talk to. i'm sorry i'm so full of myself, just want to have a normal conversation, you can say what you want to me, and don't think you're stepping on anyone's foot. i talk myself over cause i'm not having selfrespect and it's stupid. i really don't want a doctor talk to but someone to share with:)
hey i'm trying to figure about my man.
If you live with a person who likes to enjoy life,and get what he needs, but wants me to be presentfor him for short periods and he will be with me,but that does not see what Ineed and what I want to, or that do not allow others to come front itself, is it right for me to keep that person?if i is even needy organiselt and he is not the personI need, and I'd rather stay down hereand not have too much to think outside of, but I'd rather have himfor myself, but he has spent so much time on other people and do not put my needs and made it easy for me,and constantly criticizing me for thingsI do, although I should not have any of it by myselfbecause it makes me stressed out, and I'm not the person taking care of others organiselt level and it's not him either.just wish we had mutual needs, and it seems toto be pointless. how to get a person who is normal to accept someone whoneed help and how can we be together? if he is not the person whowant to listen and have a mutual relationship mentally, just play etc..?
if he's not able to cooperate and make things work(i don't know if he is), what should i do to make it work?
well not really. what kinda relationship should we have to have a "sexual" relationship? i mean if he has to organize stuff, instead of playing computer, and be with me instead of playing computer, it's his freetime, how can i take it away? he really wants me to live with him, but my social needs is more important than him, but we can make it work structurework if he's willing to, just not mental like i want him to put everything aside and be with me and cozy, but he's unwilling to put some hours into it, or stay positive about me being in the institution, i haven't really tried make him understand tho, but what would you do?
exactly which we will do, but i need a way for it to make it work for both of us. what exactly is one needing to love eachother? i'm not really capable of having the "a4" life as he wants right now. if we cant give eachother what we need but both has to change to make it work where would we start. lets say that sex would be a common interest if we just found joy in it. but i rather be the one to ask questions and be a listener not someone who get annoyed by a distant person.
working on it, sorry went away meetings and stuff. we are mostly okay atm. trying to get him resolve issues with me being in institution.
he's having issues listening and i got issues avoid raising my voice, but will take the discussion.
i need to work on my throat chakra(personal expression, creativity, addiction, criticism, faith, decision making (choices), will, lack of authority), i guess it's on its way to be fixed, have been sick in throat for a week now.
yeah i'll ask for help with it. my memory loss is extreme on conversations. i believe the reason i can't take structure is that i cannot do several things within a period of time, and if i gonna time things i need to keep a clock to check. i am not sure what is this brain function hmm. also i'll just take a hold until i've checked out the memory and the executive functions?
well i haven't yet been to the store to buy one for my hand i keep losing things liek that. my memory sucks big time to be honest.
my OFC is trainableacc is trainablethe nonautomatic systems is where i'm lackingthose that involve planning or decision makingThose that involve error correction or troubleshooting(believe i can do it somewhat, if i have it planned by someone)Situations where responses are not well-rehearsed or contain novel sequences of actionsDangerous or technically difficult situationsSituations that require the overcoming of a strong habitual response or resisting temptation.(i believe this is workable)
see what you think of this.
well that's the problem, there is a synapse between briancells that makes me complicate it, how do i know which one and what is the problem?
noone listens to me, not my bf, not my family everyone just try to theurapeut me. I need to know what is wrong with me, or less i cannot trust anyone. i refuse being beaten up by my family and others just cause i don't know what to do. i cannot trust anyone or myself until i've figured it out, and i cannot do it myself. i don't trust anyone again if they cannot be helpful, and noone has ever tried to listen and helped me doing whta i wanna do. i can't force others to do what i want, so therefore i don't want anything to do with anyone until they do what i want, and help me figure this out, cause everything else is traumatizing me. i trust you know what to say, so please help me. i don't think anyone else will ever listen to me, and figure things for me, cause they're just too stubborn to help out. i told my bf to go in the bedroom and not speak to me until he had something to say that was helpful. i trust that i know partly what is wrong and others cannot tell me what is wrong and right without proof, or else i'm just dead meat to everyone, and they don't respect my opinion they don't deserve to be listened to. i know i'm mad at everyone and it might be what's wrong, my bf tells me it's whats wrong but i cannot know what he says it right until i know it's right. i'm totally going mental. i can't help myself and noone else is. there's no point talking to anyone who don't listen and i don't wanna be left out like garbage. totally dramatic isn't it, just cause i know that he has no right to make me feel like this but i need someone who can talk me out of it, and i cannot just leave him just cause i know what's wrong with me but noone tells me exactly what to do to have proof and i don't know how..
i know this is all a bad idea, to react like this, but i cannot just shut my head out and think that everything is gonna be okay if i don't do something about it. parents or people with feelings for eachother should accept that people are mad and cannot help their emotions if they do nothing to help me out of it.
i don't trust myself cause i have no selfesteem, and i cannot organize things to solve the problems, so i asked my bf to help me, cause i cannot trust that he will, i get angry cause he refuses to, and i don't like being traumatized cause noone listens to me cause i'm ill. if he cannot listen to a sick person like myself why would i listen to him, without proof that i'm right or he's right. so until i can influenze him there's no relationship between me and him, i refuse to have sex with him cause i'm angry and ill and he don't wana do something about it, it's his will. there's no way i give him what he wants unless he gives me what i want, and grow up.
kinda. i know i'm like a asocial being cause i hvae no trust in other people. if they cannot respect me and make me trust them, there's no point. i just stuick with them cause i need someone to help me trust myself and others.
cause i know i'm right, i cannot let someone traumatize me, cause they don't listen. then there's no point in having a relation if they traumatize me, but i'm depending on others, means they need to listen, thats' all i can say.
erm, thing is, i need to change and he refuses to help me with what i need help with, i want it to work he has it in him if he stops thinking about himself for a sec.
i told him i cannot have sex with him if i cannot trust him or myself. so he have to trust i'm doing the right thing for it to work out as we both want.
no i don't, i try to get him to help, i just need to convince others i have a problem and myself and i don't wanna mess my own life up. i'm just too sick to do it myself, and it's his problem not mine. and it ruins my life. if he does everything he can to theurapist me but refuses to listen to me, instead of having a conversation why would i be with him. it is just terrible that i let eachother abuse ourselves for 13 years and not doing anything to get out of it. i hate myself for letting myself being threaten to destroy my life. i've lived my life as a 5 year old and i refuse to let anyone destroy me again cause not listening. there's nothing i can do to have a relationship that isn't destroying me unless people listen.
well my bf can take care of me if he wanted to, and make me happy, until he got what he needed, but he obviously don't want a relationship and argue with a emotional and nonfunctional 5 year old isn't exactly a good idea. the only thing that makes me an adult is that i can see that i got a problem but noone else take the responsibility to make me an adult.
i need 1 person who i can trust, to tell me what's good about my life, and what i can do to achieve happyness, so my life just doesn't go to hell cause i'm not independent, regardless if i cannot take control of my life, i cannot be with other people until i got the one i can trust to make my life what i need it to be to be happy, and not let anyone abuse my trust. i don't feel happy if i cannot trust a single person to make me happy. that's why i need solutions to figure what exaclty can i do and what cannot i do, and i wish my bf would be great enough to help me take responsibility for it.
no idea. i want someone to love me as i am.
that i'm being loved regardless who i am and that people do what they can to make me feel good. unconditional love. its terrible to know i'm not an emotionally adult.
being taken care of, doing something for me to feel good. not abuse my feelings. love me as i am, i've not been myself at all cause people taking advantage of me not trusting myself.
i don't think anyone care for me. i'm just emotionally 2 year old. i'm far from an adult, and they do nothing to make me be an adult. i wish you could. this sucks bullocks, he's throwing me out cause i cannot take care of myself.
what did you wanted to do? how can i help myself? i'm all out of proportions and i'm 2 year old again. it's nothing to do with my ego, just that noone really figured what's wrong, and did something to help, and i never helped myself either.
see if you can find my new question. if there.