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HI, Thanks for your question. My name isXXXXX and I am here to help you today. I will be happy to help you with your follow-up questions also.
Theoretically speaking if you had any direct contact with that person (20yrs ago) while she had an outbreak specially, then yes you could be a carrier.
But practically speaking if you never had an outbreak in 20 yrs and if she avoided contact with you during her outbreaks then you are clean.
It's highly unlikely that you can have that virus dormant in you without an outbreak, specially when there is no history of contact.
Your doctor is right that he can test you if you have an active lesion.
In my opinion you should not stress yourself for this as you are not at risk of having oral herpes.
Please read my answer above and get back to me for any further query.
Yes and more importantly the absence of any history of contact during her outbreaks is reassuring.
because herpes spread mostly during outbreaks.
You are most welcome.
I have one suggestion for you.
Ask your doctor if he can check your blood for herpes antibodies.
It's not always reliable but having a negative test can be further reassuring.
Yes that's why i said that it's not accurate but let say if it's negative, it will be reassuring but don't worry, you don't have a single symptom or event pointing towards that fact that you can have herpes.
So please reassure your wife.
Good luck to your stepson too.
I wish you and your family, all the best, XXXXX XXXXX if you have any question because our discussion always remains open so you can always ask more till you are satisfied, You can click the smiley to rate the answer. You can come back here to ask anything even after you have rated the answer. I will be glad to help you always.