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seem this bugged out.
what kinda cleaning stuff are you using at the hospital? or how do you avoid getting sick? or get rid of the sicknesses? i'm trying to find a way to stay clean from all the peeing and pneumonia to get it fast rid of, as well something to keep me clean. i'm starting to get worried how little i know and how much i go mental on it cause i don't. people think i smell and i'm pretty sure the pee is smelling as well. and i keep getting it every min for the time being. heh back to childhood i guess, my mom said i was cleaning myself 3 times a day as a kid. catching cold is making me go all nuts.
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need dr chip.
hi, i'm going to my parents and then to hospital tonight, probably won't see you for a while from tomorrow since can't take the computer with me. hopefully will go good. i might freak out even at parents tonight tho so taking it with me.
heh too much unknown, and i'll be without computer for 14 days, my life the lasttwo months. its positive but i'll miss it. you should see the wat\rtmth i felt today from going inside the house to talk to people. life outside might feelworse. i so love them all. 4 days with one person i set high after this and hes quittingwork. cant wait to feel safe again. feel good with my life andsecure.
ok do you believe me.
thank you. it still hurts to be another day without you.
you feel better now right? if i sent that to all my friends and a lot of them is angry with me for it, they believe i need treatment how should i take it?
you have a good soul. how would anyone think that i'm not meaning it? heh you should see my head now after i told everyone on computer game and left. so what is next step you'd think?
well me leaving might make them believe it, heh this hurts, is it cause of my own guidance or cause they hurt`? i got angels inside me atm apparently the sounds in my ears is that. i just need to believe i can heal the world step by step. don't you think someone will start believe it then? and let me continue?
i mean if i were to heal someone from pain and fear, they will believe i did something right? how do i know that it's their body not mine coming into mine? i mean if you sit down and then relax, and then breath, you might feel some pain, and then you send that love to soeone that hurts, will you feel it where you're helping them, or will you feel it cause it hurts to send all this love? i mean after a day at office and someone might of died or whatever, would you feel it in your body?
so you say you cannot sit down feel something and then feel it in body? like vibrations? if you put your feet up you might feel someting coming down along your body. you have feelings right? your life isn't all reality and truth is it? heh i'd feel horrible if you couldn't feel. yet you are able to see my emotions, how? heh i understand wehre you're coming from and i so love you now. i will wipe your tears.
ok i think i'm going to try something, let me know if those things telling you over and over what you don't deserve goes over:) if i'm right something is blocked inside you, don't want you to feel in pain, but it might hurt. hopefully i can do it, and hope it's not my own feelings. when you said that earlier i had a tear. can't wait to see how this works. my eyes is burning btw. i hope it's not related to murder and othre things.
does this applies to you?
fear of truth, discipline, judgement, evaluation, emotional intelligence, concept of reality, confusion. heh just testing if i can feel you.
it might be
you realize knowing that i can do something for others is like the biggest present i'd have. heh i think i'm having a chakra shutdown.
but might be, feeling of not allowing yourself to enjoy life, feeling of being lied to and dishonesty. being fooled.
chakras is emotions. i can feel hurt in left side of neck this means:
feeling of not allowing yourself to enjoy life, feeling of being lied to and dishonesty. being fooled. i don't think it applies to me. or i think it might be you. don't be afraid btw. feelings of adequazy`?
don't worry. you don't have to:) just believing for myself my energy can do something for you is enough. i accept you, i hope it makes you feel appreciated. let's hope it's not something i just make up. you find me crazy? i have a believe anxiety might be someone feeling something more than others, and deniying pain, so i physically removed all the chakras one by one or "blocked states" by meditating.
heh all good energy is helping anyone, this is why i so badly want you to feel relaxed, cause with your mind and wisdom and things you've survived you can do wonders to other people. you already am, but you need to appreciate yourself, and hug yourself and feel in power. the best thing people can do to eachother is to accept a forgiveness and feel like someone is sharing themselves. see. i'm sure i can feelyou. selfaceptance deluxe. now you realize why i want to be in control of world and people around me right? i want to rid the world of negativity and feelings that hurts other people. btw chakra is the japanese word for emotions, it's just your body being influenced by your thoughts.
you okay? feel like i'm pushing you? i know this isn't really so much about me being in pain, but i kinda feel others pain i am sure. i realize i cannot talk you into this:) hope i'm not scaring you. your suppose to be as happy as you can be. so you think i forgot something that makes me feel safe and in control? i'm using my energy to make a heal on myself, by trying to help you, you give me more than you know. darn you got quiet. i still have goals to achieve with you and myself.
-> addicted to love
hope i don't go too far to help you? this isn't something we should talk loud about. i'm a bit off socially.
i hope it's not just fantasy, but i hope it's not. love you my friend. warm thoughts to you and we'll meet again.
got a min or any thoughts about cognitive impairments? i checked out of the hospital and need to make sure that it's not possible to do, if my body and impairments is a result of stress i've caused myself due to others?
basically i need to know if it's impossible for a one task person and with lack of memory to achieve organisational skills or task management that involves structurize things. basically the timing function is totally whacked, and i don't think i can do any of this without people telling me how and my brain goes to whack just from walking down the stairs from thinking about it.
i cannot time things, i cannot remember short time memory, but i can recall written letters and numbers, but not what to do every day, and not complex organisational things. my brain is purely impulsive, and what i have done before but i cannot recall all of it at the same time.
i don't. i just put them under a showel and remember to clean myself, but not wanting to shower, dress myself, cause the stress levels go so high. people has to remind me to eat, shower, and if i try to do more than one thing at once like organise it i go to hell, so like i can do all the task when people tell me what to do, but i cannot take the stress coming out of it, but like trying to get food on plate is rough cause i have to watch where things are, it jw ust goes so slow i cannot take it. if i were to have a structural day people had to tell me exactly what to do at all times, and i could possibly do it, but i get stressed out by the simplest thing. it's like the synapses slows me down and i just don't wana do something to stress me all day long, and i cannot remember it all from day to day, it's like OCD developing if i try, it blocks me completely. if things aren't timed i completely forget too, and i like take a brush in my mooth and toothbrush in my hair if i try to do 2 things at once, i try to figure what exactly is making me so stressed tho, so i don't get impaired, but i couldn't do all the tasks i suppose to do in a day, it took me to the roof and break me up after half a day, and then i went to hell the next and couldn't do any of it.
well that's the problem, it has no use, i still get stressed out, and going through the roof. i got one thing good out of it, realizing i cannto do it, and realizing that it's the reason of my stress, and mental behaviour. my mom used to tell me for 20 years what to do, and i never learned it, or tolerate it. it basically is killing my spirit, and not able to do anything else, i've been stressful for 30 years of my life, and i'm sick of it, i don't wanna do it. it's the same with a organisational task like structuring emotions, that's why i went into something easy like meditate. this is why i never listen to people, or let them guide me. the synapse thing causes teh brain to add to stress on tasks that has a long road to complete. well how to treat structure without being able to learn it, or do you think i can meditate on it?
i basically had 6 panic attacks coming along in the hospital with everyone feeding me, only from walking up and down the stairs and do these stuff.
that's what i'm trying to find, is it possible or not that it's not? i can train all other areas, why not this, but won't it impair everything else?
nothing. that's the thing. they don't know either, but well regardless if the brain is impaired all the way on specific things, i don't wanna bother doing it all at once. my brain is a men's brain with difficulties in the typical "women's area". even tho i'm quite good picking up on things, i'm really bad at usual organisational things, not that i wanna give up on it, but restrict it.
i'm not suppose to develop in more than 1 area, cause then my brain goes boom.
well if you add to how your frustration levels works, you gain higher levels of development, so you can practically be good at everything, i'm assuming? or you could like manage stress levels at deeper levels. but if i use my brain to full potential at all times, i cannot deal with memory functions etc..
yep still not, that's why i give my bf a task to start plan his own life, and get going on the house, see how much it stresses him and then just work on getting it done, and the organisational stuff done, if i work on stress levels and getting stress levels reduced i can give him the stress level reduction, and remove his problems easily, even if he does the work for 2, and i do nothing much, we can give to eachother on the right level. if he cannot do both, then i have to find other people that can do it, so he has to accetp the help we can get. especially as long as i'm not physically fit and him not able to be organisational i cannot take being with him more than a few hours.. just accepting who i am, is important, i just need to figure what is the tests showing that i'm impaired at? it's way more important that people in my life accept this and does something to defeat it with me, rather than work against me.
btw you know why i always talk to you about these kinda stuff? cause i'm actually incapable of finding it useful to small talk unelss someone else starts it.
how can i test my skill levels if it's not an MR? i'm awesome at storing information that's for sure:)
i really need to figure if there is a diff in my brain and a adhd brain.
MRI of brain`? not sure if that's it.
well how do i know? what the asperger is causing, and in what areas? is it just hard whatever you do in life? or is it specific areas?
erm, cause then i know if things are possible or not, and what to focus on to be using myself to the fullest? i picked a path, and everyone else picked another path to help me cope, but i'd rather do something i'm really good at than struggle with whatever the brain says i'm going to struggle with, what if i could do it all tho and not struggle? it's far more useful if i found a way to not be limited, regardless of sickness.
well does MRI show you if you're brain capacity has had any growth in specific areas? or if it's just going to stay what it is even if you work on it?
what about creative functioning, organisational skills, concentration dysfunction and synapses(too little of them make the brain stress i believe) that put the brain together.
great. ok so how would i know that it cannot be build in all areas?
it is very similar to adhd too. do you just get the troubles based on your life or is it your brain just shutting down on specific areas, if i'm really good at some brain stuff how do i know what is causing stress? and is it just that i haven't build the brain capacity to cover it, or is it just not going to work easily? if the synapses can grow then i can too, but how do i know if the synapses is growing?
you know, my frustration threshold is quite abit overrated i guess stress and frustration has a dysfunction cause of it too.
what area would you read up on to figure all this? heh i've been desperate for info on brain since i was 10 due to some game i played.
i'm addicted to this taskmanaging thing, so want to learn more. sometimes i wish i could be what i wanted to learn, and that someone taught me, it's so funny.