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Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 23437
Experience:  Over 20 yrs of Family Practice
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hi you. I need your advice.

Customer Question

hi you. I need your advice.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Health
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Hi you back--what's up?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well my bf is bugging the hell out of me, we have no reason to be in the same room, but me wanting to play games with him whenever i do, and i still want sex and cuddling for some reason, but i don't like the way he looks. I get sexual dreams on every boy i look at:( what is wrong with me? he comes to help me whenever i need, but he never has time to be with me, and i hate really the relationship it's nothing but sex and neediness.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Not sure what the problem was in what you said?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well basically, we're in eachother arms for neediness, he wants sex, i want support and comfort and time with someone. and i get half of what i want, when i want something he doesn't want it, and opposite. it's pure egoistical cause we're relying on eachother, instead of actually enjoy something together. basically i think we're together cause we're off society and cause of my mental health make me needy enough to need him. his stories he's telling people is starting to drive me nuts:( please ebe honest what are you thinking?

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
What stories is he telling people?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

nothing wrong with them, i just heard it so many times, and i hate how he always chats and noone else gets to speak. well like he can take over a word when i'm talking just cause he thikn i cannot stand up for myself, and he drowns the whole room with his chats. it's all fine when it's your friend who takes you to places but wtf i don' wXXXXX XXXXXsten to this every time i have a chat with someone else and he's with me. in my birthday party he keep talking to my dad forever more and I had to leave the room cause i couldn't take it. you know what's wrong, it's me needing people to have a life.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
So have you as yet gotten any other people in your life?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i'm never happy with those i got. if i only was like you:)

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
So what are you asking--whether you should rid yourself of your bf?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i don't know. i rather be independent and stop need people like to comfort me or cause i'm bored or cause i want touches. thats no reason to be with someone. nor cause they can give you success.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
So basically he only satisfies basic needs you have?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes. the wisdom/Intelligence is really off. but i'min it for mazlow. he has nothing i wanna learn anymore, neither the chill i want from people. but well thats yet again one of my needs for stimulation. he might not be the worst bf tho. what is true love`?

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
So what would the perfect bf be for you?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i rather not make the estimate. just anyone could be my bf. the only thing i want is someone who wants me. now problem is i have needs not being met and i don't want to have ny needs. the day i will be happy is the day anyone would be happy just from talking to me.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
OK--so where are we going with this?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i need your help figuring how to never need someone.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
You mean never really needing anyone at all in your life?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes. it's ok that someone helps me with the house and stuff ofcourse, if needed, but i don't really want to need someone to hold my hand cause i'm still a baby or wants stimuli. how do you chill on your own? i wish i was able to set myself in your place.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Well, there's a difference between depending on someone and having them in your life just to enhance your life
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well say i am an angel. i don't need anyone to enhance my life, i just live for someone elses happyness over their happiness, and for them to be happy with their life. for that i need to stop need someone for my own ego.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
OK--but that wouldn't mean being totally self-sufficient and having no one in your life
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i know that. i just wanna be as close to a saint as i can be. what do you do to become a saint? and i don't say that i don't need to be someone to someone:)

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
What is a saint to you?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

to be here completely for evryone you meet, and not think at all about yourself, but only live through other people, and be someone to them cause your worth it. that's who i wanted to be, but I have no guarantee this will work, since there's something i lack. The perfect wisdom, the perfect guide to people. how do you become perfect to just anyone, yet alone feeling perfect to yourself? if you remove your ego you probably would be close to perfect to anyone. wish i could read everyones thoughts so i could see what they needed.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
There you go with the word perfect--it's an unattainable goal
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

it's not about being perfect in any way, just as close as you can to be a giving person rather than a taker:) the more giving the more happy the life will be to anyone. so how do you avoid to take things from others only give? be saintly:) who gave you this wisdom?

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
What would be the wrong things to take from others?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i mean as in. I can take whatever i want as long as someone gives it to me, i don't do stuff to make people give me stuff I want:) nor do I need anything from them. I just wanna give them exactly what they need, not something i need them to be.

 

here's my call, if you think of the bible, it has a lot of stories on how people deal with people, and what you actually want to get out of the bible is how wrong can someone be, but yet it's right in your eyes, but what really is, is a test to see if you can comprehend that this is a test and that you need to see closer on it and figure why things happened and why they never should happen again, so if your ego is gone, you will read the bible as a book of wisdom, rather than a egotrip. that's where religions gone bad, if you think you got the answer.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Sorry--but you're getting very confusing and rambling with all that--you need to simplify it for me
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

it's all about removing your ego. No ego - no needs, you take what is given you nothing more. if you do, you will get the visions needed to take you to greater heights of wisdom, thus you will know what to do when someone needs you. i think you're like that, now i just need to figure why you're able to.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
So what exactly is ego to you--and keep this simple.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

sorry was falling asleep.

 

i think i had some things messed up.

 

your super ego wants perfection. to act ideally in all situations regardless what is happening, take control over your behaviour and know how to act perfectly when dealing with the world.

your ego works like if you were in reality and organised in the world, in a realistic view.
it tries to make your id happy.

id is the unorganised part of the personality structur and you try to avoid pain and seek joy. it's the part of personality that is part of dream-work and nevrotic symptoms.


so what i want is: realize what parts of the ID, ego and super ego is not a good thing and evolve them to be positive and connective.
- realize what's a good part and what's a bad part and what is hurting you and others.
- i want to set my desires free to only revolve around making people happy, but also know what is good for you and others.

 

but i honestly don't know how, what do you think? dunno where i'm missing something. i think the whole thing is about being able to sustain your id ego and superego by being honest like if you were your ID, be a real person as if you were your ID and still have the ethics needed to understand others and yourself.

 

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
You really have gotten this way too complicated with all the psychiatric terms and the studying you've done. Let's do it this way--how are you different in this particular area than most other "normal" people?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I don't like being alone cause people is all i care about, not me, just them, what they are doing, my life doesn't really matter at al, since i'm terrible at social interaction i cannot really connect with them, so they actually want to be in my life. if no people i'm bored, but also cause I want to be safe.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Well, nothing much wrong with that
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well. I do not have the skills needed to live a life like that, that's what my happiness is. I need an organisational way of being, and stop being needy and egosentric to others. like I want to be someone who can give something and not be bored all the time. why am i so bored? why can't i just relax and be happy with whatever, and then grow as a person while connecting with others? I am so afraid of failing to have a chat with people.

why do i need to be someone who is organized and structured to be perfect for other people? or even why can't someone help me do what i cannot do and still be a member of society.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Back at you when I can--have to be off for a while
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi sorry i keep falling out falling asleep:) the main thing i want to change is:

what I am in such a way that I do not need to be someone, but be there for someone else, but i don't need anyone, but still i wanna be the person who makes all people happy about their day. since what i'm good at is think about people's feelings, i wanna achieve that people wants to come to me, and talk about it. the problem is other people do not see me as someone to turn to. for this i can't need people to feel well:)

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
So no one has ever turned to you like that?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

no. how do i make people feel safe, like who are you that can do this? you're like awesome. how do i stop wanting someone to acknowledge me, or even stop talking like if i'm the master, or how do i stop needing to talk?

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
How good are you at just listening to someone else?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

the problem right now is noone is talking to me:) it usually is. if they talk they just need attention, and smalltalks. if people smalltalk i get really really bored.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
So no one has talked to you about a problem they've had?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

not that i remember. most of the time they just talk about things you can't do much about, and if someone is upset they tlak to someone else not me.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Well except for asking if you can help someone with something and not pushing it if they don't take you up on it there isn't much more you can do
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i know that, but sometimes i don't know what to say to break the ice if you see. check this letter i wrote for someone we never hardly spoke

I haven't talked to her yet.

 

 

I just wanted to say that I am a little afraid to contact you, it means a lot to me to find friends here, and you seem to be a person that I have a lot in common with. So I thought to write a little letter for I do so want you to know what I think, and that I care about that we have contact.

I hope that I do not bombard you with my feelings now, but I would so like to have some contact with you and that you feel that I can be your friend. For it is just that, you want to feel good and be happy with each other when one is in the same place, and there are not many people who understand.


I feel that with you when you feel sad, and I did not want you to suffer. Now I hope I am not being too direct here, but sometimes I feel like me, so it means very much for me to find friends, and there are not so many of the good friends who have been around me before, and what I hope to find among the people I have contact with. That I find friends is certainly not up to you of course, but I think I like you, and that we could have come out ahead with one another. Kos and Squeeze. I regret that I have not managed to break the ice in a proper way, and hope you can forgive me :) It is often difficult to talk to the person you feel could be the person you would have contact with, and I hope that you lost it same as me. It is very hard to talk when you're not in private, and I am a very emotional person. Hope you do not mind if I call you.


Btw I'm here if you need me, and hope you enjoy someone wants you good.

 

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Very good
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

she has snapped about every time i had a chance to talk to her, to the personal. she did open up once tho, but i didn't know what to say. hope she didn't get too upset. well the other problem is guys, i don't know how to handle them, i feel sexual attracted and wants to make them feel good all the time, but how do i do that as a girl without sex?

when it comes to guys i just wanna hold their hands and be close to them. this goes for girls as well tho. imagine a day where someone just lays down and stays in your lap and that's all you need, from anyone.

 

i dream about someone who just stays with me so i can be gentle and kind and make them feel good, that has nothing to do with sex. understand why i love being with you?

 

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Friendship even with guys doesn't have to involve sex
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

know. well check aerosmith's hold you close. now thats what i want with anyone i meet. is there something wrong with that and how do i achieve it? now you understand why i wanna know the diff between you and me:)

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Back at you tonight
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

you back?

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Just in
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi. i'm trying to workout solutions to get things working. you back my friend?

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
I'm back but what have you come up with?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well nothing much, well check this to fix my treatment.

 

it's mainly cause i end up eating sugar and bad stuff in evning cause not wanting food in the day before workout. apparently i'm having issues with stress.

 

 

if I'm going to give a summary of what I really need some help in order to avoid falling back to not having routines.
- To keep routines, mental support to get it done, so for example if I should eat something, I must be notified, to get inside the routine. since I do not remember the things we need to do something about it. slightly more efficient, and we have to start the evening.
- The opportunity to talk to someone like that I get told things and manage to have routine
- I have to waive my responsibility to keep the house clean, because I'm not mentally and physically able. I have to learn to remember things but I can not do it now.
- Making a plan for food for several weeks ahead so we have many dishes to choose from and can make a routine of it.
- A little more contact with people but just to get tasks done and to provide mental support.
- I talked to the Jarl and we thought of a routine that says that you eat every third hour, 9-12-15-18-21. must find food and routine to eat and get trained.
- Will not tackle everything myself yet, so hope you can make a plan with me.

I think I manage to get help and I will not try to oppose what you can do for me, just want to find a mental support by gardsbøen so I will not be sitting alone with things to do, there are tasks that the problem is not that people come and give me help :) really want to be happy and not have to think about everything I have to do yourself, because then all the problems so much bigger. I have known more support than what I thought: (

we can find an arrangement for it so I get 5-10 minutes to help get food in me instead of 45 min and that people can just pop in a few times a day instead? we can sit down and find a plan for it. it does not matter when people come back as it is not in the evening on Wednesdays 20.30 :) I hope that people can take some time out to help me on gardsbøen or here :) I have little time problems so need to get some more messages to tackle to do things at the right time.

 

just mailed this for the guy who leads the thing. the guy who was at me tonight said we could workout tomorrow and get things done, think he understand what i want, and need done, but ya i think the mental instability is due to being not safe and satisfied, and not able to keep up with routines. i'm overly social compare to the rest of them, so i'm sturggling with being alone and struggling with coping alone.

 

it's important not to be alone when you're struggling with getting things done that is needed to get you on track. this is why i asked you about the things with being able to talk to someone, and break them out of negativity, and fix things that suppose to be fixed so everyone is okay.

 

 

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Sounds good but a simple question here--can't you have a schedule for things that you can print out and put somewhere where you can refer to it frequently?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes that's what he was suggesting to me, and we will try work it out.

but i don't think this will do, cause i can't really follow time, and i can't remember take things with me when with others or after workouts and stuff, so i need someone to tell me to eat and help me with it, cuase i can't get anything down if i'm in mental instability or exhausted. well the food structure has to be fixed, the workout and the mental has to be satisfied in someway, that's another reason to try not to need people, but i can't cope as it is. they gave me so many tasks i can't cope with, so i get all stressed out cause can't get them done and i want people with me to get things done.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
I can't understand what you mean exactly by not being able to follow a schedule that's written down
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i forget to take things with me and i can't go back and forth from workout within 3 hours, and i need 3 hours bnetween meals to work, also i don't want the food, if i'm exhausted cause i have to prepare it, and also eat it. like i forget to lock the door etc.. i forget to eat, i can't get out of bed etc..

i wanna be with people all the time cause i can't cope being alone waiting for the next meal and i don't even want the meal, all the meetings is f**king me up and i can't remember to eat at the right time. i can't sleep at night cause i can't get rid of this feeling of insecurity and i eat candy cause i can't get to the kitchen and make some food, cause i don't really want it. there's so much to do in the house and i can't cope with doing that, or remember all the things i have to do.

w

 

when i have worked out i am so exhausted after the workout i can't get anything done.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Sounds like some of this is you just don't want to do some simple things. And, again, what's to forget if you have everything written down and posted for you?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well i forget time, it's not that i don't want to do simple things, it's that i can't actually move without being really exhausted. 100m after workouts is like a few mile normally. i really don't want food most of the day, unless i got to the place and start working out, then i get hungry, but also overly exhausted, taking me a few hours to calm. i lose my energy after 5 min standing in the kitchen:( you know i'm playing computer from the coach cause i can't actually sit on the chair without losing oxygen after an hour or so. i can only do one thing at a time

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
Well it's easy to work with the time thing--you just have a clock you look at from time to time. But I really can't believe you're than incapacitated so much so that you can't even do some simple things
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

from working out i get 162/120 blood pressure. same if i move in the apartment after workouts.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
If you can work out then you can do some simple things in the apartment
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i can but i'm so exhausted that i can't move after a workout, thus i don't want the food and feel sick thinking of making some. and if blood pressure is this high my brain stop working. the more i do the more exhausted i get, and the worse i feel menr\tally and physically. its stressrelated i uess cause i can't do it all at once. there's no time for relaxment inbetween enough to do all i want to do.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
No what I meant is on the days you don't work out you should have the energy to do other things
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well it takes 6 days to recover from one and i worked out 5 days this week. 50 miles on bicycle. and strenghtening. i've been working out when i rev\over to take a breath.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
That really doesn't make much sense. Unless you just are completely and unhealthfully exhausting yourself with a ridiculously extensive workout
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i am heh, can't take slower. 80% of maximum pace, and on intervalls. but pulse rate has gone from 100 to 140 now. my legs had to be no strength in it. lactic acid at 100 pulse rte. it gone from 1 to 3 on the cycle now tho. 2 more wreeks i hope i can keep 160. resting pulserate is 82,

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
OK--we need to close for tonight--the page has gotten very long. My one suggestion is that you're overdoing it with the workout if it's wearing you out for days after--that just isn't healthy at all
Dr. Chip, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 23437
Experience: Over 20 yrs of Family Practice
Dr. Chip and 5 other Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

ya but it's the only way, cause i'm so in poor shape i can't move back and forth without a workout either, without getting exhausted. thanks. i hope we can talk again soon. I can't really get help with the problems i got yet. unabled to realize and clam down and get things worked out so far:(

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 1 year ago.
OK--but I still think the workout is too much--you should do less and spread it out over several days

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