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hi, how would you look at things to make sure you're okay regardless what happens so you don't try to make up for your lackings? i think i got a thing about helping people to start feel confident in myself, but i don't know if that's the thing i need to do, since people can get pretty defensive i kinda start doubting it, but that i do it for myself to feel confident, instead of facing other challenges. i asked my friend about something psychological and he got defensive and said he don't like shrinks etc.. but i still wanted to help him feel worthy of himself. later we were joking about me playing shrink etc.. i don't know what i'm doing, cause i have nothing else to contribute with. actually he keeps trying to make me stop smoking and etc.. trying to be in control. i don't know if we're just the same thing, except he tries to make up for his losses by being overly controlling or negative about stuff. what do you thikn i should be doing, keep being helpful and say things people don't wanna hear or just be a friend and loving and caring, but how without being honest? am i just stupid trying to make myself important? I guess i will tell him tomorrow that the reason i try to help is to feel i'm worth something.
i'd rather we go find the world together, instead of playing on eachothers habits. don't really like to stop thinking about being well. we do have a great deal of fun but we're both better off with some serious discussions, instead of discussing with people who can't help us other than give us features to help ourselves. people talk about we suppose to have fun when together, but isn't feelings part of it? and i feel ackward for leaving it up to someone else to make me feel better and for him to feel better. working out and socializing alone won't help us. talking is the best medicine:)
i'm actually qutie resistant to having fun if we're just sitting watching a screen or play a game. someone to have seriuos discussion with is what i lack. i lacked it all my life. the whole thing about this is to help people and help ourselves, so why do we depend on helping others instead of helping ourselves? what are we trying to do? why is ignorance to our feelings the only way people want to help us with?
get me? why be dependant on other people to feel better, rather than create your own life? there's no life in this if i can't get a life out of it:) we all deserves better and need to make our own life out of it. we deserve to feel loved and confident and independency. if none of us get something out of being together if one of us get out of depression, but only be together cause we're stuck with eachother, cause we're sick, what's the point?
well right, that's what i'm talking about. my friend talks to the helpers like no tomorrow cause they listen to whatever he says, and he is clearly not independant, but tries to be impressing people. he wants to help people, just to help, while in fact he just wanna be having fun all the time, but refuses himself to make a life, but then again i know he's not like that. then he ends up being negative and selfdefensive and controlling about how things is gonna be. ok so if we talk it's cause i start a conversation, or cause i interfer with him chatting about something with a helper, or cause i started a fight to let him be in control of the situation and be a helper. so when i asked him why he do that he tells me i'm trying to play shrink and he hates that.
so what am i suppose to talk about or do? i rarely have fun doing something else. the problem is that i'm in need of social chats, but noone wants to be doing it, so i end up chatting with helpers instead, which don't have time for it, unless i make a stand on something heh. what can i do to be lovely so people just comes to me instead for a chat? i even wrote 2 poems this week for doctor and him.
is something wrong with what i'm doing?
just talk about emotions and deal with things. i don't really like much else. watching a movie together and just be with someone is ok, but i'd rather chat and get to know them, rather than the normal stuff talking smallchat. common interests is quite important, so we can discuss. reminds me of this "dag" serie that is shown, but he's a psychiatrist and hates people:) moving next week btw, so i might be a little less online cause i can't really afford it. so how many people are like me?
well yes i can, the problem is that it gets tedious if it's no expressions at all, and he's not talking enough. i actually wish i could go to church and find someone to chat with, cause i'd rather listen to a minister than much else, or atleast someone who knows something about being there for people.
i might. well basically, what would you say to someone who refuses to listen to what you got to say? or wants to be part of a communication at all?
well no, but what do you say and do to them to make them listen? like he wants to control his emotions, how do i not play a shrink? what is it he needs to realize? this is stupid, but well what do someone needs who wants to control their emotions?
so if i want him to become confident and feel that i'm his friend that's bad? incase how do you act as a friend if you can't say what you feel? if that's all what's on your mind, how can you just be someone's friend without saying a word?
ok i can say this, i need him to feel confident, i need him to be happy, i need a communication partner, and for me to be happy he also has to be. people are my life and i can't really get much out of something else. now i'm being honest.
how do you be there for someone? like if i told him that being there for someone is the only thing i want and i don't wanna lose it, cause that's the worst that could happen, leaving me in pain and misery. do you think that gives him what he needs?
also problem is, helping and talking is all i got and know, there's nothing more to who i am. how bad is that?
tomorrow i'll say that i can't imagine a life without him, just wish he really needed me. cause that's what saves my day. selfish but true, i'm like a rich man who shouldn't have a problem i need someone to give me problems. you seen boys will always be boys or wahtever? then you know why i keep getting issues:)
i was not talking about men btw. i meant a rich man's son who only worry is to get entertained, how do you get entertained if you have no life work and whatever? he goes after women with kids, and i go after everyone around me to get a piece of entertainment from them, so what is more impulsive and entertaining and random than people. now that's why i love people. whatever someone do, i can live with it, as long as i don' get pregnant and they're boring to me. is that f**ked up? i'm living my life like that. i go consciously for the people who wants to give me their life on a open line. i'm really desperate aren't i?
this is why i'm depressed, all the needy people in my life disappeared:( hopefully someone is needy on the institution. hopefully i can turn my friend to wanting my help:( you know overactive heart chakra kinda kills you if noone needs you:) if that's the only chakra alive, men with dicks won't help you:P and thank you. i will just tell my friend i am desperate to get into people's head cause i love helping, if noone need me i'm noone. i'm sure he will understand cause that's how he feels i'm sure too.
you know why i do these things with you. where do i find needy people? actually i'm nearly getting all my chakras alive now, but i doubt i will ever stop being caring and wanting people to be needing me.to
check my poem
my heart bleeds for you.
my heart cries for you.
my heart wants to touch.
i can't get enough.
all i want is for you to be okay. all i need is for you to open up to me.
I become angry cause i'm useless to you, i become upset cause i'm nothing to you.
i upset myself to be closer to my heart, i make problems to feel more today.
when the day is over i'm closing my heart to feel lonely enough to be feeling my heart open up when someone need it.
to see the light you need to go through suffering, even if you're innocent. something like that? i don't get aword of it tho, other than the grief ends with drinking and that's like grief in your heart?
well peace of mind is how you see it. althea is the god? i don't know what prison would be like, but i'd not been worried, all people is people and all people needs healing. so you say i'm in a prison of my soul? when i can, i will talk to breivik, that might be the best that could happen in norway, imagine if he actually could be relieved from what he's dnoe and not blaim himself for it. imagine a massacre like that could be healed and forgiven. maybe i should write a book on fear.
how do you become a sociopath? sociopaths may have feelings hidden?
most probably, but i can understand all he did, and why he did it, you don't have to be a sociopath to do that. ofc i'd shown remorse tho, especially if i was a sociopath?
most likely yes. the problem in my heart is that how is that possible to not show, if they haven't figured a brain issue, there must be a way out of being a sociopath? am i a bad person for feeling sorry for them?
you mean with meds?
great. but still no remorse?
maybe ccan test this pain chakra test on someone sometime. thank you btw. my eyes is about toglitch.