No shortness of breath, Its not up and down the whole sternum. Its like A 2 inch area
I dont really know
I could get it checked out but the dr will say its costochondritis, because thats the easy answEr
Are the odds pretty low that its an embolis
I just dont want to waste money if its just inflammation
Ill see how it feels later
Do you think itd be ok to take advil?
But i hurt and i dont like tramadol
My boss scheduled a meeting with me on Tuesday. And i dont know why
The last time she wanted to meet with me was to tell me not to miss anymore work
I havent called in sick, that i remember. The only days i had off were days i requested off
I dont really knoW
I dont think so
What if she fires me? My mom says if she was going to, she would have fired me instead of waiting
I know but im going to let my worrying about it ruin my weekend
Well im still watching my friends kid til late this afternoon. Then im bringing my autistic cousin to see the movie paranormen.
Well im still watching my friends kid til late this afternoon. Then im bringing my autistic cousin to see the movie paranormen. I dont know what else to do
Im back too
I dont remember
I apologize if i wasnt very nice last night
But i should not be mean rude and/or disrespectful
I dont really think that
Why havent you given up on me yet?
I know, but im not exactly nice to you. And we basically cover the same thing day after day
Important things, such as what
So what do you want to discuss
I think you probaby have a good idea about the cause
Ive never really talked about it. I am totally ashamed and i do blame myself
I would hope that you wouldnt judge me but i dont know.
But they are your friends and you shouldnt judge your friends.
Ok. But maybe in their case it wasnt their fault
But they got over it?
I dont know what to say. To me it seems impossible to Get over it
They did and you didn't ask how they did it.
Im sure they got over it by talking about it
And you already knew that anyway. Just pointing out that it can be done and they didn't have an easy time discussing it with their therapists in the beginning.
Its just hard to do
Maybe i dont want things to change
I just dont know what I want. Maybe im scared to get better, i dont remember what that feels like.
What if getting better isnt a goood think?
I dont know
I am trying to work with you
Maybe i say i dont know because i dont know how to explaiN what im thinking.
If i get better i might fail and go back to my old routines. But if i dont get better i dont really have to worry about failing
I feel that failure Means i let people down. And i dont like to let people down
Yes. But i feel that if i got better and then failed i would be letting people down more than i currently am. Dont ask why because i really dont know
How do i stop being in denial
I know that thus time it is pretty bad. I do consider the possibility that it isnt the primary problem
So tell me what exactly i need to work on
Why do you think the PTSD is the most important part
So how do I find an outlet?
And it isn't as bad as you think--yes, in the beginning it's hard and painful, but really, within a very short time it gets easier to talk about and work on. And it's not like you have to relive it over and over--you talk about the whole episode and then you deal with the feelings and not the episode itself.
You cant know whether or not its not as bad as it seems
It might be easier to talk about it if my current therapist wasnt such a dork
I just want it to all go away
That just sucks
Its alright How about youra
I dont know how you have the patience to play piano
Not just you but any body. It takes a lot of practice to get good at playing piano
I think i would get frustrated trying to learn piano
I suppose so
I just havent found that movie yet. Stupid question, what possible complications could an eating disorder have on pregnancy
So it probably wouldnt be a very good pregnancy
You really seem to be totally against me getting pregnant until im better
But it would be possible that i could eat better if someone else depended on it
I know. But i would really like to have a baby
Because I just do. I always have.
I dont really have an answer as to why sorry
Thats an awful thing to even think aBout
I think id be a wonderful parent. I think i can be a good parent even if i sont get over this eating issue
I just use the fear of failing as an excuse not to try
Doesnt it make you frustrated that i am not willing to do the necessary things to get better
No--seen it lots of times before and some do it and some don't. It's worthwhile when the ones that wouldn't do it for love or money in the beginning finally turn around.
Do you think eventually i will get help
Why do you think i wont make the commitment?
What i meant was why do you think that i am havinG a hard time making the commitment
Theres too many rules when talking to you. Dont say ok, sorry, i dont know, ect ect
Well, the only rule, and I'll repeat it just once more, is that if you can't think a while and come up with something substantial to say I don't mind your waiting until you do. I don't expect you to respond to something I've said immediately--it would be OK if that didn't happen for an hour or more. It's just that we're wasting time and space with the OK's and the IDK's.
Do you realize how hard it is to think. sometimes i even have a hard time putting together a sentence while speaking.
I know, but seriously sometimes it seems impossible
Youre right sometimes i say it because i dont want to consider what you say
What do you want to know
I totally understand that
Im not sure. Some days i think there is but other days i dont think so
The thought of doing that makes me feel uneasy
Im afraid that my family will get mad at me if i did
They agree with me that I can do this on my own. I think they know about my other issues
They think my eating issue is for attention. They thinky
Eating is better now
My mother figure is convinced that the reason that it vot so bad was because by being "sick" i got attention from my dr
They dont really say much about it. I think that they are afraid if they say something that will hurt my feelings that i will stop eating again
She says that I am fine and I dont have an eating issue. That the reason I stopped eating was for attention. And that I need to grow up and stop with that stupid behavior
I know shes wrong
It would hurt my feelings if she were to be mad at me
Shes usuallY mad at me about something. It would hurt my feelings because i equate being mad with not loving me anymore
I know my thinking is flawed but its what i believe. Today is one of them days I dont think i need treatment. It seems like ive been eating all day
Ok What do you wanT to discuss
Hard to say right now--we've done a fair amount of discussion already.
Would you be ok with my just doing DBT
Id rather do DBT than the eating disorder clinic.
Ok. Will you listen to my medical complaints
I dont feel good and i dont want you to say theres nothing to do about it
I don't think I've ever said there's nothing to do about it just that there may not be anything I can do about it. What's going on?
I feel yucky. My chest hurts still. My stomach hurts as do all my muscles. Today it seems like everytime after i eat i get lightheaded. And my vomit has blood in it again
Ive vomited atleast 5 times Its not what i would consider a huge amount of blood
I could get it checked out but all theyd do is check my hemoglobin and when that came back normal they would say im fIne
Had EUS a little over a month ago
Well, much as I'd like not to have to say this, I'd scope you again.
When you say i told you before, it makes me think that you think im being dumb. I see my gi dr on wednesday ill tell him about it then
Are you ok with me waiting to get checked out til Wednesday
And what exactly is the best course of action
Why am i extremely tired all the time? Ive been eating and drinking ok
Im am constantly exhausted. Even if i sleep all night. I wake up just as tired as i was the night before. I can take 3 naps during the day and am still tired. And at any given time i feel like a can just fall asleep
Ihave eaten like a billion calores today znd yesterday
What kind of answer were you looking for?
Well i think it was more than 500 but probably less than 1000
If i ate more would my hair stop falling out? Do you think my tiredness is directly related to my not eating healthy?
O nothing to be too terribly concerned qbout
Why do you suppose i hold some people responsible for what theyve done but not others. I hold my brother responsible for what he did but i dont hold my dad responsible for what he did
If they both did pretty much the same thing i should be able to
Hold them both responsible
SO what do I do about that
I dont know how someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally can hurt you so badly
Do you wamt to be done talking to me for tonight?
Serious question and no judging me. Does it make me an awful person if i wish that one of these times my dad tries to kill himself that hed be successful
I really do just dislike him
Do you think i have PTSD?
. Will you pick something to talk about please
I agree with that
I just dont think you want to talk to me anymore, but goodnight
It was your choice to spend most of The whole day with me.
I am not ungrateful and you were helping me. I will talk with you some other time