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Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 26846
Experience:  Over 20 yrs of Family Practice
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Anger, huh? I dont think im a generally angry person to

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Anger, huh? I dont think im a generally angry person to other people except myself. I do know when someone does anger me i stay mad for awhile. But i think everyone does that, dont they?
Well--and remember I'm just restating this and you don't have to agree with it--you've got a lot of anger against yourself but also against others (mostly in the form of resentment). And I, personally, rarely get angry with someone else, and, if I do, it doesn't last more than a few minutes.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
So how do I fix it
First you have to admit it to yourself and own it.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know im angry at myself. But i dont particularilly think im angry towards other people
You mentioned your brother before, and, then, there are your parents, especially your mother.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Ya well my brothers a pervert and it does make me mad at him. I dont have any problems with being mad at him.
But don't you understand that anger and resentment, even if you think they're justified, just tears on your guts? And you didn't remark about my mentioning your parents.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont understand how anger and resentment affects people. Theres really nothing to remark about my parents
Well, believe it or not, a lot of your eating problem has a lot to do with your anger and resentment that you've never really owned and worked on letting go.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I think my eating disorder has to do with the fact that im crazy. But anyways, give me steps on how to let go of anger
OK--let's start with you--what is the one thing you're most angry about concerning yourself (not the eating problem itself)?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
The fact that i let my family down
And what could you have done not to have had that happen?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont really know. I havent really thought about it. I guess i could of stayed living with my family and kept supporting them
And instead you did what?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I left them and went into foster care. And left them broke
How old were you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
15 almost 16
And how exactly did you get into a foster home?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
My mom was constantly abusing me so i turned her in Cuz im a homewrecker that way
Sorry--I know we've talked about this before but how did she abuse you? And this is your original mother and not the one that hit your car recently?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
She liked to hit me all the time for the stupidest shit. And its my real mom not the one who backed into my car
So you think it would have been better just to put up with the physical abuse? Was it ever bad enough to do injury to you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
It would have been better for my sibilings if i would have just stayed there. She never did any real injury. Just lots of bruises.
And why did you "rat" on her?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Cuz i was sick of it. I knew i deserved better. But i didnt think of the ramifications it would have on my sibilings.
So basically you did something for yourself and just didn't know what might come of it later on?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Correct
So do you think someone else at that age would have, say, considered the consequences and decided that they wouldn't report her?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes I honestly do think that
Well, at that age I really don't think many of us have the life experience capacity to assess the long term consequences of our actions. That said, we basically are talking about how to go about forgiving yourself for what you did?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I guess
You guess? Well, if you could forgive yourself and get over that part of the self anger, wouldn't that make a difference?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im cant say for sure if that would make a difference. But it couldnt hurt I guess. Quick side note my lips are extremely chapped and bleeding. Ive tried vasoline and blistex it doesnt seem to make much of a difference. Any suggestions, besides calendula cream

Aloe vera cream. And read this while I have to step out for a couple of hours--I'll let you know when I'm back.

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/learning-to-forgive-yourself

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I read it it was full of information. On a different note i think i should cancel the EUS tomorrow
Your decision, of course. Since I can't see the previous study I can't say too much but I do think this one will be negative.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im sure it will too
Back to the original discussion then.........
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes, where were we
What did you get out of the article I sent you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont really know. It has a lot of information in it. But i guess i personally didnt get much from it sorry
Then either you didn't read it very carefully or you just don't want to take the time to think about what it said--either way, if you ask for my help you need to work with me here.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I just really dont get it. Its not that im being dumb or being difficult i just dont know what im suppose to take from that article. Once again i apologize
Read it again and pick one thing it talks about that at least hits you as relevant to you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I guess i just really dont know right now
Then let's take a time out and you work on it. To tell me you have absolutely no thoughts about it gets us nowhere.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
So if i forgive myself its still okay to be angry at myself
Actually the other way around would be better. But it would be difficult to let go of the anger without forgiving yourself. And forgiving does in no way mean forgetting.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know that forgiving doesnt mean forgetting. Im not dumb
There you go again--I never said that and I never intended to intimate that. I'm glad we have another chance to talk here, but you're wasting both our times right now.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im not trying to waste my time and most certainly not your time
Then say something constructive other than you don't have any thoughts about the article and accusing me of something I have never done--calling you dumb.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I really didnt have any thoughts. Sometimes i dont have anything constructive to say
OK--if you want to do the same thing I can imagine you do with your therapists--refuse to even work with me a little, I don't have any more to say here. I'll be more than happy to try to help you and will give it my all, but I won't try to pull teeth or get blood out of a turnip. And, no, before you say I'm being mean or nasty or a jerk--don't because that simply isn't the truth.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im not tefusing to work with you. Granted there are times i just dont want to work but Sometimes i just really honestly dont know
OK--let's try it this way--have you ever either forgiven someone else or let go of your anger towards them (not talking about major things here like your brother or your family)?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont think so
Then we have a lot to work on if that's the case. So no one, in your eyes, is ever allowed to be human and make even a small mistake without never being forgiven for it?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know people are human and make mistakes, but it is really hard for me to forgive someone for screwing up
Not talking about major screw ups. You mean someone, say an acquaitance, has said something or done something you didn't like (not something major, just a little thing) that you couldn't forgive or let go of and move on?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont honestly know. I might forgive them
But thered ways be a part of me that would be angry/disappointed in them
You've been angry with me before--are you still holding on to that?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes. I think about it everytime i talk to you
OK--what exactly did I say at some time that made you angry?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont even remember but what i do remember is that you HAVE mad me angry at you. To me the details arent important
OK--again, we aren't getting anywhere here--I'm not blaming you for that, but you can't even give me a little bit of a nugget to work with. How about we talk a little about the possibility that you've been lonely all your life?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know youre not implying this at all. But when you say we are not getting anywhere it makes me feel like a failure. I would have never thought that i could be lonely when im around other people, until you brought it up. I think ive probably been lonely most of my life. But i think its because im flawed and i dont connect with people, idk
So again--has there ever been a time in your life when you had a true friend and confidant that you could feel comfortable around?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes i did at one point. We are still "friends" but i dont really tell her anything
The one in Europe? What happened--she just moved away?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
No ive had other friends.
So what happened to the others?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I matured and they stayed immature. They get drunk, hook up with random guys, do drugs, get in legal and financial trouble. And i have never done any if that. And it was really hard to keep friends when my bio parents never let me do stuff with my friends
So no friends since them?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I have a friend
Tell me a little about them.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Theres really not much to say about her. She moved here in 5th grade. We became good friends. After highschool we just became friends. We dont really hang out. But she calls me if/when she needs me for something and i do the same. Shes bringing me to my appt tomorrow
So if all you do now is help each other out with "things" and you don't hang out or talk very much, why do you call her a friend?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont really know. Thats just want we call each other
So basically you haven't had a friend since--I'm guessing here--high school?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
You make me seem like a loser.
Your term, nor mine. You aren't a loser in the friendship department, you just haven't tried to make any friends. You can't be a loser or a failure at something you haven't tried. And don't go there--don't say something like the fact that you haven't tried makes you a failure.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im not a failure im just not very social. Can we just not talk about it anymore?
We can, but if the discussion is making you anxious or angry that would be an excellent topic to start writing about--trying to find out exactly why it makes you feel that way so you can bring it up in you DBT group and work with it.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im not really quite sure that i want to do dbt. Its a long commitment
That's a poor reason (excuse). And it isn't the committment that bothers you, it's the thought (maybe subconsciously) that you might get something out of it and might actually get better.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I did dbt twice when i was 16 and i dont think it helped. On a different note, im really worried about tomorrow. Im sure ill be fine, but what if something happens?
If it happens it happens--and I'm not being flip here. Anything is possible but you've already had EGD with no problems and this is basically the same thing once again.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know. But im pretty sure im dehydrated and dont want to have it done
Then it's still your decision. I can't add any more to that subject and it's time to close this page--I have to get to bed. One thing--at least read this page over several times. I made several suggestions and you need to think about them--just think about them. It seems that every time I try to get you to consider an important point--just consider and think about it--you either get angry or want to instantly change the subject. That means that I'm hitting a nerve every once in a while and it is EXTREMELY important that you not let that go by by ignoring it. The fact that something bothers you means we're dealing with something deep that you either haven't thought about before or, if you did, your mind instantly buried it because it would be too uncomfortable to deal with it.
Dr. Chip and 4 other Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im getting concerned about dehydration. My lips are very dry and chapped and bleeding. They had to poke me 5 times to get an iv started. Ive been dizzy since yesterday. What do you recommend i do
When did you get the IV?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Um idk 1015 ish
So what about the diarrhea?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
What about it. It continued on and off through out the night
But what did your doctor say about it since that's the major cause of your dehydration?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont really think my dr knows im dehydrated. The gi dr that did the eus this am thinks im dehydrayed
Oh--so the IV was just for sedation and not for rehydration?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Correct. The nurse anesthetist and the anesthesiologist poked me 5 times Thats never happened to me before
And how much in the way of fluid have you had in the past 24 hours?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Maybe 20 oz. im not making excuses but everything lately even liquid upsets my stomache
Well, what can I say? You're dehydrated from the diarrhea and not nearly enough fluids. Unless you replenish the fluid loss with at least 32 oz (and 64 would be much better) and tell the doctors about the diarrhea so you can get something to slow it down, you'll need IV fluids.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I saw the dr yesterday for the diarrhea. I dont know if i can drink 32 oz of water it makes me feel like im going to vomit
I really don't have anything more to tell you about this particular problem--one way or another you need the fluid replacement.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I feel that you are irritated with me
Not at all, but there isn't anything else I can tell you about the situation, and you basically already knew what I would say.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I called my regular md and told his nurse that im fairly certain that im dehydrated and am waiting for him to call me back
That's about all you can do for now.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Ok im going to take a nap for now
Get back to me later then.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im going to the clinic to get 2 liter. Im worried they wont be able to find a vein
Well, let me know what happens.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Ok i will. What happens if they cant access a vein
Well, there is always the femoral vein, but usually a good phlebotomist can get a vein.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
They got it on the first try
Thought they probable would.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Arent you just wise
Just experience--not very often you can't find a vein.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I think i may go check out the eating disorder clinic
Good idea.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Do you really think so? What do you think of doing that versus doing the 6 months of dbt
Whichever will get you eating again the fastest is best, but in the long run you do need the DBT.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
So you think the eating disorder clinic is the best thing to do right now
You definitely need treatment--I can't be sure which is "best" for you but, again, the main thing to do is get you eating again and soon.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know this probably sounds like a stupid question. But why does everyone stress the need to eat
Well, obviously you don't eat nearly enough to maintain health, so if it's obvious that you're getting very sick from not eating, most people that care about you would stress the need to eat. I, on the other hand, at least right now, know that badgering you about eating won't help at all.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im pretty sure ive said it before i dont think not eating is making me sick
Doesn't matter really--not eating or only eating a few hundred calories a day is simply not healthy and will make one sick.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
But how? And im sure you are going to say that this conversation isnt getting us anywhere. I can see how not drinking is making me sick but not eating?
OK--take a look at photos of starving children in the third world--do they look healthy? I know it's an extreme example but simply put, if nothing else, not eating dampens the immune system to the point where infections like TB, cryptococcus, E. Coli, etc. can take over--just the same way AIDS kills people.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Good point. Ive never really thought about it like that
Hey--gotta go for about two and a half hours--let you know when I'm back on.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I have feel much better
Say that again?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I feel much better
OK--good
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I still have diarrea but im trying to drink more fluid
OK--try your best.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I ate something this evening
Great
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Not really i feel fat now, but anyways.
OK
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
My mother figure is being a jerk. She kept saying how i like to get poked with needles and when i told her to shut up she didnt he just kept on. Then she says oh i suppose now that im picking on you youre going to stop eating and drinking, like an effing idiot. Sometimes she makes me so angry. My not eating/drinking has nothing to do with her
She probably cares in a disjointed way.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
That doesnt make me any less angry with her. Does she honestly think i like walking around covered in bruises from getting stuck by needles or that i like being dehydrated or malnourished. I dont know how she can care when she makes fun of me about serious crap like that
Well, if someone doesn't care about someone else they just ignore them.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know but it still angers me and makes me feel hurt. Sometimes, like now, i need to be able to depend on her for support but i cant
Not trying to reopen the discussion about it, but now would be the time to turn to a good friend if you had one.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Ya well in case you havent noticed Im lacking in that area
I know. Never to late to start looking for one, though.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Who the heck would want to be friends with me? I wouldnt even want to be friends with me
Oh, I think you might be surprised, but, of course, there's no way to find out without you're making contact. New friends don't just knock at your door one day.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know that. I think i need to get better before i even think about making friends
OK--by the way, did you ever check out Ordinary People?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I havent located it yet, sorry
Why do you use the word sorry so much? I'm not upset--just thought about the fact that I had mentioned it to you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I dont really know why I say sorry so much but i do know that i say it a lot Today i apologized at least 3 different times for my veins being crappy. I know growing up I said sorry an enormous amount of times, but i think i did that to keep the peace
I understand. Almost like a beaten puppy that shrinks from you if you reach out your hand to him.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I did learn during partial treatment that i shouldnt apologize for everything. Its just really hard to do
Very good point.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I have a really stupid question. When talking with my mother figure earlier she said she thinks i dont have epigastric pain at all and its all in my head. I think she is just being mean and im fairly certain i wouldnt have all these tests done if it was all in my head. So i guess my question is, do you think im making my symptoms up?
No I don't at all think it's in your head. I had to talk you into getting the tests. And diarrhea isn't in your head either.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I think i just need to stop talking to her. Shes an RN and i know she doesnt talk to her patients like she talks to me. So i dont know why she cant be more understanding of me.
I do think it would be a good idea to separate yourself from her as much as possible at least until you've gotten into treatment and have made some progress there. And it's her job to be professional with patients--that doesn't include you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know it doesnt include me but i wish it did, but whatever. Ive been in bed for the last 1.5 hours and my heart felt like it was beating fast so i took my pulse and got 116 bpm, which is a lot faster than it has been in the last week or so. Is it anything i should be concerned about? Do you think that doing outpatient treatment at the eating disorder clinic would be just as effective as the inpatient treatment
Nothing too serious with the heart rate--you're probably still a little on the dehydrated side. If the outpatient was at least three sessions a week, that might be enough.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
That would mean i would have to miss 3 days a week of work, and im not too fond of that idea.
Well, you asked what I thought. You really need some intense work done, and just one session a week won't cut it.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Honestly, do you think im fixable?
Yes--absolute truth here---yes.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I really dont think im worth getting fixed, but thats my own issue. I am going to attemp to fall asleep, so i will talk to you some other time
OK--sleep well. And it isn't essential right now whether or not you think you're worth it so long as you don't give up and at least act as though you are.

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