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Dr J Burk
Dr J Burk, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 2639
Experience:  MBBS MRCGP
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My 6 yr. old granddaughter is in first grade and is very smart

Resolved Question:

My 6 yr. old granddaughter is in first grade and is very smart and loves school. There have been problems with her fibbing and she pushed a girl in line at school yesterday. This really is not like her to do this until recently and we are very concerned. She will not admit when she is wrong. We have tried talking to her privately, making her go to her room, taking away priviledges. Is this a normal thing and how do we deal with it. We are concerned that she will get a reputation of being a problem with her teacher and other children. At school they get yellow cards when they are being warned and a red card when they lose a priviledge...she has received 2 yellow and 2 red cards for different problems.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Health
Expert:  Dr J Burk replied 6 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Dr J Burk :

Hi

Dr J Burk :

How long have there been issues with school?

Customer :

Just within the last two or three weeks.

Dr J Burk :

Thanks

Dr J Burk :

I would not be too worried at present -sounds like she is pushing her boundaries to see how much she can get away with.

Customer :

We thought about that but how do we work with her on not doing things like this at school? We don't want her to continue this behavior.

Dr J Burk :

Your actions to date are appropriate but you may wish to consider positively rewarding good behavior - ie a star chart - she gets a star for each good day at school and if she can do an entire week she will get a reward.

Dr J Burk :

You are clearly a good parent - most kids who behave badly do not have that advantage

Dr J Burk :

You would need to speak with her teacher to get feedback on her behavior on a daily basis - most teachers are happy to co-operate and this simple technique is often very effective.

Customer :

She has had the star chart and have done the reward system and it works for a while and then she doesn't seem to care to do that anymore. If confronted she doesn't seem to think it matters. She did really well at school this week until yesterday when she got a red card for pushing (personally, I would have just sent her to the end of the line instead, but I'm not the teacher). My daughter is talking with the teacher today. She was told she would get a reward on Friday if she had a good week. So what do we do now? Is it true that children go through 6 months of even behavior and 6 months of off behavior?

Dr J Burk :

Hi

Customer :

I just sent another chat....did you get it?

Dr J Burk :

I think it's a question of expectations - if you expect "perfect" behavior from a 6 year-old all the time then you are going to be disappointed........it is normal for children to "misbehave" - all part of learning to interact and establish personal boundaries and skills.

Dr J Burk :

A red card for pushing seems very harsh ?

Dr J Burk :

Girls tend to do less of the physical things as they get older - in 2-3 years time you can expect her to be involved in talking about her peers and visa versa - girls do this whereas boys tend to have a fight then forget about it.

Dr J Burk :

Are you still on-line?

Customer :

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX exactly what I told my daughter...I just needed confirmation that what we are doing is proper.

Customer :

Instead of constantly expecting her to behave, is it OK (at home) to ignore this and see what happens instead of giving the problem attention all the time?

Dr J Burk :

HI

Customer :

Yes, I am still here. I just sent another message.

Dr J Burk :

Yes you should tackle behavior that is clearly not acceptable - best to ignore that which is tolerable....

Customer :

Great! Thank you for your help.

Dr J Burk :

Welcome!

Dr J Burk :

She's lucky to have a grandma that cares so much!

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