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My dear friend is going through a divorce, she'll be glad to be out of this marriage of 8 years. I helped her move into an apartment. She had a few pals helping her with the heavy furniture. But for 4 days I helped her with the smaller stuff. Basically I became her personal assistant, and therapist. I made a comment that it will be great when she is clear of this guy, and can be a fun pal again. She emoted that I was criticizing her. OK, she made a mistake marrying this man. But she made me feel like I was a villain, and I'm not, I'm on her side. I told her perhaps she should see a therapist, because her woes are grinding me, her mom, her dad, and her daughter down. It really is quite draining. How can I be supportive, yet set a healthy boundary? She is wearing me out. We've had many years of fun and adventure. And will continue when she gets this creep out of her mind. No one, even HIS friends, thinks he is OK.
Gender: FemaleAge: 58 Already Tried: Nothing.
Hello, I think you made a very healthy choice, first of all, by telling her that she should see a therapist. You cannot be her counselor and if you are finding that your mental well-being is being zapped by her, then it is time for her to see a professional who can help her and take the load off of her friends and family. That is being a healthy and a supportive friend. If you continue on in the way that you are, you may end up resenting each other and not being friends at all. Right now, her self-esteem sounds like it is quite low and she is sensitive to every negative comment made, even if it isn't directed toward her. You may need to spend less time with her for the short term in order for you to stay healthy and happy. And you may need to put your foot down about the counseling. Dr Abby
Board Certified MD
Family Physician, practicing medicine for over 10 years, United States
Yes, her self-esteem usually depends on being accepted by men, she's made some pretty bad choices. This is probably something therapy would help her acknowledge. She lives 600 miles away, so it's not like she's in my face. I just love this gal, she's an incredible person. And we'll have fun again. Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX your advice and anything else you have to say. She used to live up here where I do. Her soon-to-be-ex has pretty much pushed her down into a pancake. She wants to be positive and loving, but doesn't seem to have balls when it comes to standing up for herself. I, personally am a bitch when I have to be. But then, I've never been married and have no kids!
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