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TheMysticWave, Herbal Healer, Color Therapist
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 427
Experience:  36 yrs. exp. in Alternative Medicine (Herbal & Wholistic Healing) Color Therapy, Flower Essences
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know when a person is mentally unstable

Customer Question

How to know when a person is mentally unstable. I am living with a very nice person for 3 yrs. He really doesnt believe in his mind that he does anything wrong.He will get mad at me for no apparent reason at all and leave.Claims he does everything for me, yet doesnt realize the things I do for him. Always paronoid that im going to leave him.His girlfriends have left him in the past. Doesnt seem to care about my feelings. Is ther a reason to worry? Does he have some kind of depression problem? Thank You, Kim
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Health
Expert:  Jennifer Hamann replied 11 years ago.
Yeah, unfortunately he does sound a bit unstable. There really isn't a whole lot that you can do about it other than maybe suggest some couseling(which will probably backfire considering his paranoia). He may very well be suffering from a bit of bipolar disorder but because he hasn't harmed himself or anyone else you cannot force him to get treatment. Hopefully you could talk to him and convince him to get some couseling. Other than that, at this point you really just have to decide if you want to deal with this kind of situation. I will be very frank with you, this kind of situation has a high liklihood of becoming abusive. If there is any way you can convince him to go to counseling it would be immensely helpful. In the meantime to make things go smoothly reassure him as much as you can.Don't put yourself in danger please and if you think the situation has already gotten out of hand you should get out.
Expert:  TheMysticWave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings Kim:

You've shared some interesting things about this guy you're living with - off hand, by what you have shared, he really doesn't appear to be mentally unstable - it appears that he just has some past issues he's dealing with.

You state: "I am living with a very nice person for 3 yrs" -

I am wondering how then can there be question about him being mentally unstable and especially that you have been with him for 3 years? Certainly, with one being mentally unstable, signs would have been there from the beginning.

You state: "He really doesnt believe in his mind that he does anything wrong."

How many people actually come forth and claim that they do anything wrong? I've been around for many years and have not witnessed too many people owning up to this fact. This doesn't mean one is mentally unstable. It just means that they are not aware that their actions or inactions cause disharmony for another....or that they are simply unaware of what is right or wrong. We seem to grow up differently with diverse ideals, beliefs, morals and many have not learned to respect others.

You state: "He will get mad at me for no apparent reason at all and leave."

Some people have a low tolerance level and are not verbal, they keep things hidden within...then, when they can't take anymore, they blow up - this is not so uncommon in people. This does not necessarily mean that one is mentally unstable - it can mean that they do not know how to express self properly! Not too many people understand why others do what they do, but that seems only natural, as we can only account for our own actions - and, not everyone is aware of that even....and not everyone knows what another is thinking, unless one is a "mind reader".....To you, you may feel he has no reason to leave -  yet, it's possible that he does - and, therefore, that would not make him out to be mentally unstable. Again, we all have our own tolerance level and reasons.

You state: "Claims he does everything for me, yet doesnt realize the things I do for him."

Many people do not appreciate what others do for them, and many people do not voice their appreciation. Many people take things for granted, and many people believe that they are doing everything in their power - yet others do not recognize it....Could it be that perhaps he does feel he is doing for you - and perhaps he feels that you are not giving enough. Perhaps he fails to recognize and what you are saying is truth - however, whatever the case may be - this alone doesn't prove that he is mentally unstable.

You state:"Always paronoid that im going to leave him."

Well, this appears to be a form of insecurity - I know people who are paranoid that they will lose their job, or that they will be homeless, or that they will be without money or that something bad will happen to them because it seems they don't have good luck in life....but, does that make one mentally unstable? I don't think so - It shows fear! - Fear is not being mentally unstable -

You state: "His girlfriends have left him in the past."

This can be very hurtful for him. What did he do that caused them to leave? Was he mean to them? Were they mean to him? Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be that they remained in his life or vice-versa  - certainly, that all led to the two of you being together, didn't it? However, if he was mean or abusive to them, then he may have a problem - but you have been with him for 3 years - would you be with him for that length of time knowing that he is mentally unstable?

You state: Doesnt seem to care about my feelings."

Oh dear, what can I say here! I believe many women have had thoughts/feelings like this - but, they say "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" - many men do not acknowledge there's a problem.....many men are not in touch with their own feelings, thus, certainly, are not aware of their mate's feelings. Perhaps one has lived a sheltered life,  perhaps one is selfish, perhaps one is unenlightened, perhaps one is arrogant.....however, I don't believe his situation in this respect is a sign of being mentally unstable.

You state: "Is there a reason to worry?"

I would think you would be worried if he is physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually abusive to you and/or if you are feeling scared to be around him.

You state: "Does he have some kind of depression problem?"

Perhaps he is depressed with the way his past life has been - even though he is with you. Many people carry issues from their past into their present relationship. Not everyone gets over it quickly. However, some people may show signs of depression, but that doesn't mean that one needs to be medicated for such or institutionalized for it. Depression can be like the weather - If it rains outside, many react to it...feeling all gloomy opposed to a nice warm, summer day - sun is out, shining brightly...people react to it with cheerfulness. If it gets to the point that one can't function properly, then it's cause for concern, can be labeled depression, and one should seek professional assistance.

I saved your first question for last - "How to know when a person is mentally unstable."

Our society is dealing with many mentally unstable people, those that are living on the street, that have been casted aside, they just don't fit in with the status quo, when all they need is a warm bed to sleep in, a good meal in their stomach, a kind word, some love and compassion and/or professional help - that they have been so badly damaged, perhaps mentally, physically, emotionally and/or spiritually...that they are just not a part of the "norm"...that they are unable to function as another who can get up in the morning, brush teeth, get dressed, drink a cup of their favorite flavor of "starbuck's" caffee latte, go to work....etc. Many people who are down on their luck, due to unforeseen circumstances, are viewed by others as being mentally unstable. Perhaps one's past problems are so overwhelming that they just do not know how to cope, and that if financially sound, they would be able to seek professional help - however, with lack of proper counseling, they are broken.

Mentally unstable in my mind and eyes would be to the point of one physicially injuring another human being - and there's so much that you hear about on the news, I'm sure you understand what I mean. And, for one to truly abuse another, whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually -then there is true question.

In your situation, he is doing things that simply do not resonate with you - and you have a choice as to how much you wish to tolerate from him. If you have not gotten your message across to him - and/or he fails to acknowledge certain things in order to make you feel better about the relationship - then it's time to make a decision. Stay with him, accept him for who he is, hoping that maybe he will get the message and perhaps change for the better - or end the relationship.

Knowingly, if you truly believe that he is mentally unstable, you may wish to find professional help for him.

I hope this helps.

My very best to you.

Please take care.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

Customer: replied 11 years ago.
I forgot to mention that he does isnt affectionate. He doesnt like to be hugged,kissed or told that I love him. He doesnt kiss me,or hold me or even tell me that he loves me.Is there something wrong with this picture that Iam just not seeing? Thank You, Kim
Expert:  TheMysticWave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings Kim:

I can't say for certain that there is something "wrong" with him...but, there are many people who are afraid of being intimate, or unable to show affection, or to say "I love you"...but that doesn't mean they are "mentally unstable"....I believe that he is holding onto wounds from the past - could be from his ex girlfriends or it could be his upbringing. It seems though that he doesn't want to get hurt...he doesn't want to appear vulnerable.

I would try talking to him to find out how he feels about the relationship, how he feels about you - but, it's not necessary to force him or be upset with your concern for him - let him know that you are wanting to have a solid relationship with him (if this is what you truly want)...let him know that you will stand by him and work things out (if that is what you want).....just being honest and sharing your personal feelings with him is a way to discover the truth....and will lead to healing and hopefully strengthening your relationship.

I hope this has helped.

If you wish for further information, please let me know.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave


Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Thank you so much for your time mysticwave, I still have more questions about him . You will be hearing from me shortly. Again, Thank you
Expert:  TheMysticWave replied 11 years ago.

Greetings Kim:

You're very welcome, my pleasure. I will be happy to assist you further. When you are ready, please let me know.

Wishing you a great day.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

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