How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Cher Your Own Question

Cher
Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 18725
Experience:  M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist
1470369
Type Your Question Here...
Cher is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

CHER, IM GOING TO START A NEW THREAD FOR U NOW. I NEED TO

Customer Question

CHER, I'M GOING TO START A NEW THREAD FOR U NOW. I NEED TO ASK U A QUESTION. THANKS.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again, Steph!

I'm glad you were able to open a new question for me.

What is your question?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, I OPENED A NEW QUESTION FOR U. I'M GLAD, I NEED YOUR ADVICE. I HAVE BEEN SEEING MY THERAPIST ON AND OFF FOR 2 YEARS. SINCE ALL THIS HAPPENED WITH LOUIE. HE WENT THE FIRST FEW TIMES THAT'S ALL. SHE REALLY LIKES HIM. THAT'S FINE WITH ME. NOW, I FEEL SHE IS REALLY BIASED. I WENT IN THERE YESTERDAY AND TOLD HER MY AUNT WANTED ME TO TALK ABOUT PERRY. SHE SAID, HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH U, AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER WILL AGAIN. SHE SAID, I'M NOT GOING TO LET U TALK ABOUT HIM. NOW, I ONLY TALKED TO HER LAST TIME FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES ABOUT HIM. I THOUGHT THERAPY WAS ABOUT WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. THEN, SHE STARTED TELLING ME THAT I USE TO BE A GOOD MOM AND I'M NOT ANYMORE. THAT KAYLA NEEDED ME MORE THAN EVER. I'M SORRY CHER, BUT, I STAYED WITH LOUIE THESE PAST 2 YEARS FOR MY CHILDREN. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO WOULD HAVE. ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY SAY THE SAME THING. KAYLA, LIVES AT COLLEGE. WHERE 18 YR OLD'S NEED TO BE. KAYLA, IS AWESOME. BUT, IF I MOVE AWAY FOR MY CAREER I'M A BAD MOM TO LEAVE HER. THAT IS CRAZY! SAMUEL, NEEDS ME. LAST WEEK SHE TOLD ME TO PICK A CITY AND MOVE THERE. SAMUEL, CAN TRAVEL BACK AND FORTH. THEN, SHE TELLS ME THE STORY OF THE OLD H.S. FRIEND OF HERS THAT'S AS;UT AND CRAZY AND TELLS ME I TALKED TO MUCH LIKE HER AND THAT'S Y PERRY WON'T TALK TO ME I RAN HIM OFF. SO NOW, I FEEL SHE THINKS I'M A SLUTTY CRAZY PERSON. I PAID FOR THIS ADVICE. THAT'S CRAZY! SHE SAID, PERRY NEVER HAD FEELINGS FOR ME OTHER THAN A FRIEND. THAT'S Y HE COULDN'T PERFORM. SHE SAID, HE HAD A HORRIBLE TIME WHEN I WAS THERE BECAUSE, HE HAD TO MEET ME PLACES. THAT, THE REASON HE PLAYED ON HIS PHONE WAS TO IGNORE ME. I SAID, NO HE PLAYED ON HIS PHONE BECAUSE, I MADE HIM SO NERVOUS. PLUS, HE STILL DID TALK TO ME. ALL THE PHONE SEX MET NOTHING TO HIM. HE HAS NEVER HAD FEELINGS FOR U ALL OF THESE YEARS. U WERE JUST FRIENDS. BUT, THAT I HAD TO GO THERE PUSH MYSELF ON HIM AND RUIN EVERYTHING. BUT, SHE DOES AGREE THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM. SHE SAID, HIS WIFE NEVER PUT HIM ON SENSORY OVERLOAD BECAUSE, HE NEVER HAD THAT STRESS ON HIM WHEN THEY GOT TOGETHER. THE DEBT, THE BAD RELATIONSHIP, THE HOUSE, THE BAD TEENAGER. I GET THAT. HE HAD NO STRESS NOW HE DOES. SO, I HAD TO GO. I GET I PUT STRESS ON HIM BECAUSE, HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ME NOW. BUT, I THINK SHE SAID, HORRIBLE THINGS TO ME. I'M NOT GOING BACK TO HER. Y DO U THINK SHE SAID ALL THESE TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME? DO U THINK SHE IS RIGHT? THAT HE NEVER HAD FEELINGS FOR ME? BUT, THEN Y LIE ABOUT BEING MARRIED WITH A KID? Y HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR ME OVER ANY OTHER PERSON? Y TELL ME U WISH U WERE MARRIED TO ME? HAVING SEX WITH ME WHEN U WERE HAVING SEX WITH YOUR WIFE. PERRY, IS BRUTALLY HONEST. I DON'T THINK HE FAKED IT ALL. I THINK I DID SEND HIM INTO OVERLOAD BECAUSE, I WAS THERE IN HIS FACE. I GUESS SHE IS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING I DID RUIN IT. I THINK I WAS FORCING HIM TO TALK TO ME WHEN I GOT BACK. BUT, HE WAS IGNORING ME. I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE, IT BOTHERED HIM I LEFT. I KNOW WE HAD FUN TOGETHER. SHE SAID, HE DIDN'T BECAUSE, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MEET ME MORE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER ON HIM TO MEET ME. EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS HE HAS A DISORDER. DO U THINK HE REALLY DIDN'T HAVE FUN? BE HONEST WITH ME PLEASE. R THERAPIST SUPPOSE TO TELL U HOW TO FEEL. I TOLD HER I LOVED HIM. SHE SAID, NO U DON'T. I SAID, I'M TELLING U HOW I FEEL. SHE SAID, LOUIE LOVES U BE WITH HIM. I SAID, NO HE DOESN'T LOVE ME. SHE WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE ME THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND I BETTER STAY. NOW, Y IGNORE MY FEELINGS? DO U STILL THINK PERRY AND I WILL TALK AGAIN? BECAUSE, SHE DOESN'T. IN THE PAST SHE ALWAYS HELPED ME. Y NOW BE LIKE THIS?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER R U THERE?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.

Hi again, Steph.

 

I had a lot to say, so that's why it took so long for me to reply. Thanks for your patience!

You made the right decision in not seeing her anymore. Typically, therapists may 'suggest' something or have you explore different routes, according to your situations, but they will rarely say 'definitely' do this and don't do that. They may 'imply', 'I don't think this is the right time to do that', as their advice, but they will rarely tell you to definitely do or not do something, unless it will be harmful to you or others. In fact, sometimes, when we want 'direct' guidance and want a therapist to say, yes, definitely do that, it's a good idea, they won't, but 'hedge' around the issue, causing you to make up your own mind.

I think most of the things she said to you were inappropriate. She's saying things assuming Perry does not have a disorder, when she knows he does. I agree with the emotional overload idea, but that's about it.

Why do you say Louie doesn't love you? You said you've been with him for all these years and might consider staying with him. I know you're very conflicted right now, but I wouldn't advise making any definite decisions at this time. You know you have to wait to see how everything comes out with the settlement, etc., and you have to see if Louie loses his job or keeps it. I was thinking; if they fire him, can HE also sue for sexual harassment by his boss? Ok, he didn't discourage her, but she did sexually harass him, and SHE'S sleeping with her boss, you told me. I mean, you could crack this entire organization open with all this information. I'm sure you've already mentioned these things to your lawyer--well, of course he knows about Louie and his boss and the texts, etc.--does he also know she is sleeping with her boss? I'm assuming you told him.

As I said in the past, the therapist has some nerve telling you you're a bad mother. Kayla is away at school living her own college life, but of course she'll always need her mother, and you've always been devoted to her and all her activities. Look how much you did last year for her senior year stuff and you were involved with everything she participated in, especially the cheerleading.

I know how difficult it is for you to face the fact that Perry is not communicating with you now, but I think for right now, you should not concentrate on that and devote all your efforts/attention to the other important things affecting your life. I do not feel that you and Perry will never speak again, however, if/when you do, you realize you will only be friends, as you were before, and nothing else, due to his disorder and the fact that he doesn't think like other men. I think you will go back to your friendship where you communicate here and there and catch up with each others' lives.

Perhaps going there was a mistake and all this wouldn't have happened if you didn't visit; BUT (big 'but'), after all the phone sex, etc., he wanted you to come there as much as you wanted to go. How were either of you to know something like this would be the result? You had no way of knowing, but now that you know he has a disorder, it's the reason he can't handle what happened. In a way you can't fault him, because he can't control it, even though I know his aftions are very hurtful to you. You may have come on a little strong, but that's the way you've always acted with him and he needed your leadership, since he wasn't doing the leading. He was afraid and unsure of himself. I think you're right--he didn't have this kind of stress from the ex because he didn't love her. You cannot compare how he felt about her with how he feels about you--that's why you make him nervous--it's a 'new' situation and he doesn't know how to handle it. I told you, he does nothing because he doesn't know what to do. I don't think you can expect anymore than a friendship with him and eventually, you will get back to that friendship, but it might take a while.

Find another therapist (a woman) and test out the waters. If you don't like someone, you can always choose another one, until you feel comfortable.

Please remember to rate my answer so I get credit. Thanks!

Warmest regards,
Cher

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, THANK U SO MUCH! U HAVE MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. I WILL GET A NEW THERAPIST. Y DO U THINK SHE IS SO BIASED. I DO THINK LOUIE DOES LOVE ME. BUT, NOT LIKE HE DID. HE LOVES MONEY. HE DOESN'T WANT TO PAY ME ALIMONY. I WILL NOT MAKE THAT DECISION RIGHT NOW. I MAKE MY DECISIONS USING MY HEAD NIT MY HEART. I DO NOTHING UNTIL I HAVE REALLY RESEARCHED IT. THAT'S HOW I THINK I HAD A GREAT 20 YEARS WITH LOUIE. I HAVE BEEN LUCKY. I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE COMPARED ME TO THE SLUTTY FRIEND SHE WENT TO H.S. WITH. HOW LOW! DO U THINK SHE REALLY THINKS OF ME LIKE THAT? CHER, I KNOW U DON'T KNOW ME REAL WELL, BUT, I'M NOT A SLUTTY CRAZY PERSON. I GUESS I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT MY ATTY WOULD NOT PUT ME ON NATIONAL T.V. IF I WAS. YOUR RIGHT PERRY DOES NEED LEADERSHIP. SHE DID SAY PERRY PUTS HIS HEAD IN THE SAND. I UNDERSTAND HE HAS A LOT OF STRESS RIGHT NOW. I GUESS, HE CAN'T HANDLE TALKING TO ME. BUT, HIS STRESS ISN'T GOING TO GO AWAY. HE STILL HAS CHLOE, THE X, THE DEBT, THE ROOMMATES, UNDERWATER ON THE HOUSE. I DON'T C ANY OF THIS GOING AWAY ANYTIME SOON. I WAS TALKING TO MY COUSIN'S WIFE'S NEPHEW. HE HAS A.S. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. HE IS IN COLLEGE TO BE A COUNSELOR TO HELP A.S. KIDS. HE'S 20 AND HAS BEEN GOING TO COUNSELING SINCE HE WAS LITTLE. PLUS, HE IS ON MEDICINE. CHASE, IS HIS NAME. HE HAS A MILDER TO MEDIUM FORM OF IT. HE SAID, PERRY HAD A WORSE FORM OF IT. HE SAID, THAT WHEN PERRY SAW ME HE HAD TO BE DYING INSIDE. HE SAID, THAT ANXIETY AND FEAR IS ALL THAT HE FEELS ALL DAY. HE SAID, THAT'S HOW PERRY FEELS ALL THE TIME TO. HE SAID, WITHOUT A DOUBT 100% HE SAID, YOUR PROBLEM IS HE LET HIS DREAM GIRL DOWN IN BED. HE SAID, HE DIDN'T TELL U ABOUT THE WIFE AND KID BECAUSE, HE LOVED U. PLUS, THE HE COULD NOT LET ME KNOW HIS FAILURE. HE HAD TOO MUCH RESPECT FOR ME.NOW, U WENT THERE AND HE FAILED U. CHASE SAID, HE WOULD RATHER WALK NAKED DOWN THE STREET THEN TO FAIL HIS DREAM GIRL. CHASE SAID, PERRY IS AFRAID EVEN IF WE WERE FRIENDS HE WOULD ALWAYS FEEL THAT I WOULD WANT TO HAVE SEX AGAIN AND HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO PERFORM. CHASE SAID, HE CAN'T BE A FAILURE AGAIN TO ME. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SEX THING. CHASE SAID, I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS ALL OF IT. BUT, ITS THE BIGGEST FACTOR IN THIS. I AGREE WITH THIS. CHASE SAID, PERRY LOVES ME BUT, HE IS REALLY SCARED. CHASE, WAS GREAT. HE TOLD ME TO TRY AGAIN WITH PERRY. HE SAID, IF I DON'T PERRY WILL NOT CONTACT ME BECAUSE, HE DOESN'T HAVE IT IN HIM. CHASE SAID THIS. HE SAID, HAVE U EVER THOUGHT BECAUSE OF THE RESPECT FOR U HE HAS HE CAN'T LET U INTO HIS WORLD? CHASE SAID, HE HAS A LOT OF ISSUES AND HE WOULD BE AFRAID TO LET U DOWN. DO U AGREE THAT PERRY, MIGHT THINK HE CAN'T LET ME INTO HIS LIFE BECAUSE, HE THINKS TOO MUCH OF ME? I DON'T. I TOLD CHASE WHAT ALL I DID FOR HIM. HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. HE SAID, YOUR AN ANGEL. THEY DON'T MAKE PEOPLE LIKE U FOR PEOPLE LIKE US. I SAID, YES THEY DO. I WOULD ONLY DO IT FOR HIM. I SAID, DO U THINK HE KNOWS I WOULD BE GOOD TO HIM. CHASE, LIKES ME AND LOVES KAYLA. BUT, PERRY THINKS I HAVE BAGGAGE BECAUSE, OF THIS LAWSUIT. BUT, HE DOES THINK IT SETTLED. SO MAYBE HE THINKS I REALLY DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS LIKE HIM. WHAT DO U THINK?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi Steph,

I received your reply and need a short while to read it and respond. Thanks for your patience!

Best regards,
Cher
Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again, Steph and you're most welcome!

I'm so glad I could make you feel better!

In my opinion, it was definitely inappropriate for your therapist to compare you to her slutty, crazy friend from H.S. It was an out and out insult! If she wants to give you examples from her own life or other people's lives, to HELP you, that's okay, but what she said was completely uncalled for and no very professional.

You've always said Louie loves money, but once your divorce is final, he's going to have to pay you alimony, I assume, if you ask for it. Of course your lawyer would know best.

I'm glad you spoke to Chase. He sounds like a really nice man who has his head screwed on right! The fact that he has the disorder but is middle to high functioning and is try to help other people in the same situation, is admirable. I agree with his assessment of Perry and we have discussed these reasons for him acting the way he did and does. For the time being, it might be better not to think about Perry or try to communicate with him, since in the past, when you did that, all you got was frustration when he didn't acknowledge your attempts.

Perry doesn't know you know/think he has a disorder, does he? This is 'baggage' for him, and I don't consider your lawsuit, which he thinks is settled, the same type of baggage for you. You're situation will be resolved. He will always be like this, so there is no comparison.

Please rate my answer so I receive credit; thanks!

Warmest regards,
Cher
Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 18725
Experience: M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist
Cher and 84 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, I'M GOING TO RATE U RIGHT AFTER I WRITE THIS. WHEN I RATE U AS I'M WRITING THEN THE WRITING DOESN'T COME THRU WHEN U SAY, THANK U. I WAS JUST SPEAKING TO MY GOD DAUGHTER. I TOLD HER WHAT THE THERAPIST SAID, ABOUT THE SLUTTY FRIEND. SHE SAID, OMG SHE JUST COMPARED U TO HER. CHER, U CAN CALL ME A LOT OF THINGS BUT, NOT A BAD MOM. MY GODDAUGHTER THINKS I DO WAY TOO MUCH FOR MY KIDS. I WANT TO REALLY YELL AT THIS WOMEN FOR THAT. I DON'T KNOW IF PERRY KNOWS HE'S DIFFERENT. WE ALL DO. HIS FRIENDS DO. PERRY'S FRIEND PUT A PICTURE OF HIM ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE. REMEMBER I SAID, ON THIS PICTURE THAT HE TOOK ABOUT 6 WEEKS AGO THAT HE LOOKED LIKE HE LOST ABOUT 15 POUNDS. NOW HIS FRIEND PUT A PICTURE OF HIM ON HIS FB PAGE. HE LOOKS LIKE HE GAINED IT BACK PLUS ANOTHER 15 PDS. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM THIS BIG. HOW CAN U DO THAT IN SUCH A SHORT TIME? I JUST MEANT ABOUT BAGGAGE THAT HE HAS A LOT OF PROBLEMS. FINANCIALLY, X, HOUSE. ETC. I WAS WONDERING IF HE THINKS I HAVE BAGGAGE? I WAS WONDERING IF THAT SCARES HIM. I WAS TELLING CHASE, THAT IF PERRY SAID, HE WAS MOVING TO FLORIDA AND LEAVING CHLOE WITH HIS X IN MN I WOULD BE SCARED. I WOULD WORRY ABOUT HIS HAPPINESS IN FLORIDA. IT WOULD SCARE ME HE WOULDN'T LIKE IT HERE AND WAS MISERABLE. SO CHASE SAID, THINK ABOUT HIM. IF HE THINKS ABOUT U MOVING THERE IT SCARES HIM 10 TIMES MORE. I UNDERSTAND THAT. PERRY KNOWS THAT I COULDN'T HANDLE THE WINTERS THERE ANYMORE. I WOULD TRY FOR HIM. BUT, NOT NOW. CHASE MADE ME FEEL GOOD SAYING THAT WHATEVER I THINK I DID WHEN I LEFT IT WOULD NEVER UNDO WHAT I DID FOR HIM. DO U THINK PERRY THINKS THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T DO WHAT I DID/DO? OR DO U THINK THAT WITH HIS A.S. HE JUST THINKS MOST PEOPLE WOULD DO ALL OF THIS? CHASE AGREED THAT PERRY'S X KILLED ANY SELF- ESTEEM HE HAD. HE REALLY TOOK A BEATING FROM HER. DO U THINK THIS HAS A FACTOR ABOUT THIS? I WILL NOT TRY TO CONTACT HIM. I WILL NOT FOR AWHILE. I HAVE MEDIATION IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS. CAN U BELIEVE THAT. DO U C THIS STILL SETTLING? REMEMBER LAST TIME I WAS AT THERAPY SHE SAID, SHE WOULD TEACH ME HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM. THEN, TELL ME ALL THESE THINGS. DO U AGREE THAT PERRY NEVER HAD FEELINGS FOR ME? THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ME THERE. OR THAT HE HAD A BAD TIME WHILE I WAS THERE? LOUIE WILL STAY WITH ME NOT TO PAY ALIMONY. THAT IS WHAT I MEANT ABOUT THE MONEY. I'M SURE HE LOVES ME. NOT JUST LIKE IT WAS. PLEASE, ALWAYS BE HONEST WITH ME. I KNOW PERRY DIDN'T FAKE EVERYTHING ALL THOSE MONTHS. DO U STILL THINK HE HAS FEELINGS FOR ME OR DID THEY GO AWAY? DO U STILL THINK HE THINKS ABOUT ME? THANKS.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, I JUST RATED U! EXCELLENT AS ALWAYS.

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi Steph and thanks very much for your excellent rating!

Please allow me a little time to read your reply and compose your answer. Thanks!

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, R U THERE?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again, Steph.

I agree that Perry couldn't be happy here and would never consider moving. He has to be in a familiar place and continue his usual routine, to feel comfortable. He also would never leave Chloe.

I think Perry is in 'self-protective' mode and when he thinks about you, it just brings up his 'failure' which makes him upset and depressed, so he tries not to think about it. However, I agree that he didn't fake anything all those months. Perry always had feelings about you. Whatever he said, he meant. I do think he still thinks of you but since you haven't been speaking, he's going about his normal routine and thinking of you less. Every once in a while he thinks how he misses communicating with you, but then the thought goes out of his mind and he concentrates on whatever he was doing at that moment; this is due to his disorder.

He may have gained back the weight due to depression and eating to compensate for feeling badly; that is very common. You did do a lot for him and he is aware of that, he just doesn't think about it. It's the way his mind works and that's not going to change, unfortunately.

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, DID U GET YOUR RATING? Y DO U THINK MY THERAPIST SAID, ALL THOSE THINGS ABOUT PERRY TO ME? IS IT JUST TO STAY WITH LOUIE? I TOLD HIM WHEN I WAS THERE I THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE A STRESS EATER. HE SAID NO, I JUST LOVE FOOD. HE SAID, HE CAN GAIN 30 PDS IN A MONTH. I SAID NOTHING. BUT, WAS THINKING HOW DO U DO THAT? I KNOW PERRY COULD NEVER MOVE HERE. HE CAN'T EVEN GET ON A PLANE TO VISIT. I WAS JUST SAYING I WOULD BE NERVOUS IF HE MOVED TO BE WITH ME I WOULD BE SO WORRIED ABOUT HIS HAPPINESS. Y IS HE IN SELF-PROTECTION MODE NOW? AFTER THAT NIGHT WE STILL HAD 4 MORE DAYS TOGETHER. WOULDN'T HE HAD BEEN IGNORING ME THEN? DO U REALLY THINK THAT PERRY IS DEPRESSED? DO U THINK THAT EVERYTHING WILL GO WELL WITH THE MEDIATION?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi Steph,

Yes, I received your rating and I thanked you for it before I answered your last question.

I do think everything will go well with the mediation.

After the failure in the bedroom, he was still talking to you because you were there; he couldn't exactly ignore you. I think he's been depressed ever since you left due to your leaving and also the bedroom incident. I think he's often depressed. I wonder if he's taking any medication for his disorder(s).

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! I'M GLAD U STILL C MEDIATION GOING WELL. I TOLD PERRY OVER A YEAR AGO I TAKE MEDICINE FOR PANIC ATTACKS. I TOLD HIM THEY STARTED AFTER ALL OF THIS LOUIE STUFF HAPPENED. HE SAID, THAT EVERYONE HE KNOWS TAKES SOME KIND OF PILL FOR SOMETHING. BUT, HE WAS HAPPY HE DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T LIKE TAKING MEDICINE. BUT, I CAN'T LIVE WITH PANIC ATTACKS. IT'S NOT LIVING. I BELIEVE PERRY DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING. I KNOW HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN THERAPY. I TOLD HIM IT WORKS. I SAID, HE SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH HIS X. I SAID, U SHOULD GO TO FIND OUT Y U LET PEOPLE TREAT U BADLY? WE KNOW HIS X DID. DO U THINK IF/WHEN HE STARTS DATING SOMEONE THEY WILL BE AS GOOD TO HIM AS I WAS? WILL HE BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEIR NOT AS GOOD AS I WAS? I WILL ALWAYS LOVE PERRY. DO U THINK SINCE HE HAS ALWAYS THOUGHT SO MUCH ABOUT ME HE STILL LOVES ME? OR AT LEAST HAS ALL THE RESPECT FOR ME HE ALWAYS HAS.

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi Steph and you're always most welcome!

I don't think Perry would lie to you, but it sounds like he should be taking some sort of medication. Then again, if he's never been to a therapist (as an adult), he has no one to diagnose any disorders and prescribe medication. I think he would benefit from medication appropriate to his disorders.

No one will ever be as good to him as you were, and I don't think he's going to be dating anytime soon. I think he both respects you and loves you, but due to his disorders, he can't show you this.

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, YEA CHASE SAID, PERRY WOULD LOVE ME 10 TIMES MORE THAN I LOVE HIM. BUT, HE COULDN'T SHOW ME LIKE I WOULD SHOW HIM. Y DO U THINK MY THERAPIST SAID, ALL THOSE THINGS ABOUT PERRY TO ME? WHAT WAS HER MOTIVE?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, I RATED U AGAIN. EXCELLENT AS ALWAYS! DID U GET IT?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again, Steph.

I'm sorry, but as of this time I didn't receive another excellent rating from you.

I think your therapist's motive re: saying all those things about Perry to you, was to discourage you from continuing the relationship, as she felt it could go nowhere.

Warmest wishes,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, LET ME KNOW U GOT THE RATING. I UNDERSTAND HER MOTIVE. BUT, I WAS TELLING HER THAT I WANTED HIS FRIENDSHIP AT LEAST. SHE SAID, THAT PERRY WILL NEVER BE MY FRIEND AGAIN. BECAUSE, HE DOESN'T HATE U BUT, HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. NOT AT ALL. THAT I FORCED MYSELF ON HIM AND RUINED THE RELATIONSHIP. THAT I'M A SLUTTY CRAZY PERSON WHO TALKS TO MUCH. THAT THE RESPECT WAS GONE AS WELL. I HOPE SHE IS NOT RIGHT. THAT I HAD TO FLY RIGHT THERE AND FORCE MYSELF ON HIM. I WAITED ALMOST 2 MONTHS TO GO. THEN, MOST THE TIME NEVER SAW HIM. IF HE DIDN'T LIKE ME THEN HE WOULDN'T HAVE ME MEET HIS FRIENDS. I TOLD HER THAT HIS FRIEND PAUL EVEN SAID, PERRY COULDN'T BELIEVE I WOULD COME FOR HIM. THAT HE WASN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR ME TO COME FOR HIM. SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS SAD. BUT, THEN WAS U FORCED YOURSELF ON HIM. DID I DO THAT? I EVEN STAYED AT A HOTEL. MOST WOMEN WOULD HAVE DEMANDED THAT THEY STAY WITH HIM. I FELT CLASSY THE WAY I HANDLED THE SITUATION. MOST WOMEN COULD NOT HAVE HANDLED PERRY AND HIS DISORDER. I NEVER BUGGED HIM ABOUT WORKING OR HAVING TIME. I TOOK WHAT HE COULD GIVE ME. I'M REALLY DOUBTING MYSELF ABOUT HOW I TREATED HIM. PLUS, I TOLD HER HOW HE KEPT SAYING HOW PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE HE WAS TO ME. U DON'T HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE U RESPECT AND WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH. SHOULD I DOUBT MYSELF? WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT HOW I ACTED? DOES YOUR GIFT C ME AND PERRY STILL TALKING AGAIN?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, DID U GET YOUR RATING?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.

Hi Steph,

No, unfortunately, I received no additional rating from you in this thread. Perhaps you could rate this answer and we'll see if it comes through.

The therapist was wrong and inappropriate for saying those things to you, which were not true. Don't doubt yourself at all. You did nothing wrong and acted appropriately, knowing what both of you wanted.

I do see you talking again, but it's difficult to say exactly when; it might be a while, due to the circumstances and his disorder.

Warmest regards,
Cher

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, I WILL RATE U AGAIN AFTER THIS. THANK U SO MUCH FOR TODAY. U MADE ME FEEL A LOT BETTER. I CANT BELIEVE I SAT THERE AND LET HER SAY ALL THOSE THINGS TO ME. I SHOULD HAVE GOT UP AND LEFT. I WANT TO TAKE THE KIDS ON VACATION NEXT MONTH. DO U C MY MEDIATION GOING WELL AND ME GETTING THIS SETTLED THEN? I KNOW IT WILL TAKE A WEEK OR TWO TO GET PAID. BUT, DO U C US GOING SOMEWHERE? EVEN IF ITS FOR JUST 3 DAYS. THAT'S MY SHORT TERM PLAN. THEN, I WILL DECIDE WHERE TO MOVE. EVEN IF ITS LOCAL. I WILL MAIL PERRY A CHRISTMAS CARD OF THE KIDS. I DON'T EXPECT A RESPONSE. BUT, HE WILL KNOW I WAS THINKING OF HIM AND TRYING TO COMMUNICATE AGAIN. I THINK IT'S INNOCENT. ITS WHAT I NORMALLY DO. I WILL WAIT UNTIL AT LEAST FEBRUARY TO TRY TO GO BACK TO MN. I NEED TO GET HIM TO GET OVER HIS SENSORY OVERLOAD DISORDER. THEN, I WILL TELL HIM I'M HERE TO GET MY FRIEND BACK. DO U THINK HE WILL TELL ME HE DOESN'T WANT TO? I WON'T ALLOW IT. BECAUSE, I DID NOTHING WRONG. DO U THINK HE WILL TALK?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Thanks, Steph; I appreciate your intention to rate me again. I'll let you know if it comes through.

You're most welcome for today; It's always my pleasure to be of help to you. I think your mediation will go well and they will want to settle, especially after your interview airs. It will be nice to take the kids on vacation even if it's a short one!

Yes, mailing Perry a Christmas card, as you usually do, is a good idea. Once you get your settlement you can start looking for a place to move. Because both your kids are in school where you live now, it might be best to concentrate on buying a bigger house, as you've dreamed.

You can plan on going back to MN in Feb. (coldest month of the year! lol) to try to get your friend back. Don't be surprised if he says 'don't come.' He's afraid to see you again. He's embarrassed and can't live with that. I'm not positive if he will talk, but as we've discussed, if you knock on his door, I don't think he'll slam it in your face. If you go, stay only in a hotel, don't ask him to meet you anywhere and do whatever you feel will make HIM feel least stressed and most comfortable. You just want to get him talking to you again.

Warmest wishes,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, THANK U FOR EVERYTHING! I APPRECIATE IT. I'M GLAD U C ME GOING ON VACATION. I WOULDN'T JUST SHOW UP AT HIS DOOR. CHASE TOLD ME THAT WOULD SCARE HIM. HE SAID, HE COULDN'T HANDLE THAT. I WOULD STAY IN A HOTEL OR A FRIENDS. I WOULD NEVER STAY WITH HIM UNLESS HE WANTED ME TO. MAYBE, I WOULD WAIT UNTIL MARCH. ITS HIS BIRTHDAY THEN. I WOULD HAVE TO ASK HIM TO MEET SOMEWHERE SO, WE CAN TALK. ISN'T HE OVER BEING EMBARESSED YET? I MEAN DON'T MEN LET THAT GO? IF HE STILL THINKS THAT MUCH OF ME DON'T U THINK HE WOULD WANT TO C ME? I WOULD ONLY WANT TO MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE. I WOULD JUST SAY, I'M HERE. I WANT U IN MY LIFE. U HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ALMOST 3 DECADES AND YOUR THE BEST GUY I KNOW. PLEASE, I DON'T DESERVE THIS. THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. NOW, LETS JUST MOVE FORWARD. I WILL RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES. WHAT DO U THINK? I THINK IT'S SHORT AND TO THE POINT. IT SHOULD MAKE HIM FEEL COMFORTABLE. IF U SAY, YOUR NOT SURE HE WILL TALK TO ME THEN, HOW DO U C US TALKING AGAIN? THIS COULD GO ON FOR YEARS LIKE THIS.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, R U WORKING TODAY?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi again Steph, and you're most welcome!

Yes, I'm working now. Your promised rating did not appear at all. The only way I'm going to be compensated for my work is for you to open a new question and then rate my answer, so please try to accomplish that. Thanks!

I think making the trip in March is a good idea, considering it's his birthday. What you propose to say to him is very good! Men can hold onto this type of 'failure' for a long time, but he may be holding onto it for longer, due to his disorder. If there's any hope for your friendship to resume, you need to say these words to him in person. I would not allow this to go on for years. If he says to your face, no, I can't continue this friendship, you'll have to accept it, after asking why, of course. Hopefully, he will have 'reasons' for you, for his behavior, but don't expect much. I don't think he thinks he did anything wrong and will certainly not talk about the bedroom failure. It's really not something that can be predicted because he doesn't react to situations the same as someone without a disorder.

If you go, you'll go with a positive attitude and pray that things work out. If they don't, you will resume your life and mourn the loss of your friendship. It will be difficult, but you'll get through it, like you've gotten over all the other adversity in your life over the past few years. Hope for the best, that's all you can do.

Please try to rate on this answer; check that you have enough in your account to rate--that may be a reason why it's not going through.

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, I OPENED A NEW THREAD FOR U. CAN WE TALK ON THAT ONE?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.
Hi Steph,

Yes, I just answered this last question on the new thread, so, no need to reply here anymore.

Thanks!
Cher
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER, I CAN'T C YOUR ANSWER ON THE NEW THREAD. DOES YOUR GIFT THINK HE WILL TELL ME WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS. HE SAID, HE WOULD NEVER STOP BEING MY FRIEND. I WILL TELL HIM NO, U CAN'T QUIT BEING MY FRIEND. I WOULD SAY, I HAD A REASON TO QUIT BEING YOUR FRIEND WHEN U LIED ABOUT BEING MARRIED AND HAVING A KID. BUT, I STILL CONTINUED BEING YOUR FRIEND. I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS. I HAVE BEEN A GOOD FRIEND, SINCE, U TELL ME THAT I NEED TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR THIS LOSS DOES YOUR GIFT THINK HE WILL QUIT BEING MY FRIEND? I WILL FIGHT FOR THIS. I DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM HIM ACCEPT TO SAY. O.K. STEPH, WE CAN BE FRIENDS. I DON'T C HIM HAVING ANY REASON. IF HE SAYS IT'S BECAUSE, IT GOT SEXUAL. I WILL SAY, U PROMISED WE WOULD ALWAYS BE CLOSE. U ASKED ME TO COME. I WISH I DIDN'T IF I LOST MY FRIENDSHIP WITH U. THIS IS U NOT ME. I JUST WANT THINGS TO BE LIKE THEY WERE. THAT'S ALL. I WILL CRY IF I HAVE TO. HE IS A NICE GUY MAYBE, HE REALLY IS A BAD GUY AND I NEVER KNEW IT. DO U THINK THAT? DOES YOUR GIFT THINK WE WONT BE FRIENDS AGAIN? I CAN'T LOOSE THIS FRIENDSHIP TO. HE MUST HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT HE HAD FOR ME. I NEED HIS RESPECT.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

CHER R U THERE? CAN WE TALK ON THIS THREAD?

Expert:  Cher replied 10 months ago.

Steph,

I just sent you another answer to your most recent question on the new question you opened for me. Please let me know if you received it. If not, I'm going to have to get a Moderator to help. I have no idea why you wouldn't be able to see my answers on your new question.

Best regards,
Cher

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Ron

    ASE Certified Technician

    Satisfied Customers:

    21458
    23 years with Ford specializing in drivability and electrical and AC. Ford certs and ASE Certs
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/FO/fordguy4u/2011-12-17_222940_HPIM1257.64x64.JPG Ron's Avatar

    Ron

    ASE Certified Technician

    Satisfied Customers:

    21458
    23 years with Ford specializing in drivability and electrical and AC. Ford certs and ASE Certs
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/lyeung1/2010-07-25_032152_tn_IMG_0241.JPG Dr. Y.'s Avatar

    Dr. Y.

    Urologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    18530
    I am fellowship trained specializing in general urology and reconstructive urology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/docjohn174/2008-12-13_170143_johnask.jpg John's Avatar

    John

    Home Appliance Technician

    Satisfied Customers:

    13453
    Appliance repair business owner for over 43 years.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/MU/multistatelaw/2011-11-27_173951_Tinaglamourshotworkglow102011.64x64.jpg Tina's Avatar

    Tina

    Lawyer

    Satisfied Customers:

    8584
    JD, BBA Over 25 years legal and business experience.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/dermdoc19/2010-09-30_160749_Photo_122807_015.JPG dermdoc19's Avatar

    dermdoc19

    Dermatologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3883
    30 years practice in general and cosmetic dermatology
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/BI/birddoctor/2012-6-22_173214_birddoctor.64x64.png Dr. Pat's Avatar

    Dr. Pat

    Bird Veterinarian

    Satisfied Customers:

    3426
    25+ years working primarily or exclusively with birds
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RY/rydergar/2012-6-6_192240_IMG0328.64x64.JPG Dr. Gary's Avatar

    Dr. Gary

    Cat Veterinarian

    Satisfied Customers:

    3351
    DVM, Emergency Veterinarian, BS (Physiology)