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Cher
Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 18963
Experience:  M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist
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CHER, DO U THINK PERRY HAS A.S.

Customer Question

CHER, DO U THINK PERRY HAS A.S.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph, and thanks for requesting me!

I do feel, according to what you have related and based on my gift, that Perry has A.S. and this is why he's acting the way he is toward you, at this point. He does miss you and wants to talk to you, but he's afraid of all the implications involved if he does. However, if you do get to see him at sometime in the future, he will talk to you and/or you will talk to him and tell him you understand, but his actions have hurt your feelings.

Warmest regards,
Cher

Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 18963
Experience: M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist
Cher and 102 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER, I WAS ABLE TO RATE U! THANK GOODNESS! I HAVE SPENT AN HOUR TOTAL TONIGHT WITH BILLING. IT TAKES UP TO 48 HRS FOR THE MAJOR BILLING TO GET BACK TO U. IT MIGHT TAKE THAT LONG FOR YOUR 3 RATINGS TO COME THRU. THIS IS MAKING ME MAD. BUT, U T WORTH IT.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi again, Steph and thanks very much for your excellent rating; I truly appreciate it.

I'm so sorry that you are having to spend so much time with the different departments about the other ratings; I don't want you to get upset. Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate them. It seems whenever you open a new question, there's no problem.

Did you find out any news today re: your situation?

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

JUST ANSWER HAD ME TAKE A SURVEY ON U TODAY. I DID ALL AMAZING. THEY SAID, THEY WERE GOING TO PUT IT ON THEIR ADVERTISING PAGE. I HOPE THIS HELPS U. I TRIED TO TALK TO MY LAWYER TODAY ABOUT WHEN WE WILL KNOW IT WILL AIR. BUT, HE WASN'T THERE. I WILL FIND OUT MONDAY I HOPE. MORE COUSIN HAS SENT IT TO EVERY ONE IN OUR FAMILY. THEY R REALLY HAPPY FOR ME. THEY R PROUD OF MY FIGHT. THEN, MY TRUE FRIENDS HAVE CALLED ME TODAY TO CHECK ON ME. THEY KNOW I FEEL LIKE A LOSER OVER THIS. EVEN THOUGH THIS HAPPENED TO ME NOT BY ME. PERRY HAS A SISTER WHO LIVES IN TAMPA. THEY HAVE A BIG HARD ROCK THERE. I HOPE THEY HAVE IT ON THE NEWS THERE. SO, SHE CAN C IT. SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME. BUT, MAYBE PERRY WILL ASK HER IF SHE HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. DO U THINK HE WILL C ME HAVE 15 MINUTES OF FAME? I HOPE SO. THEN MAYBE I WON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM THINKING WHAT A LOSER I AM. I HOPE HE MIGHT THINK OH, SOME GUY MIGHT WANT HER. PLUS MY ATTY IS SO CUTE. I HOPE HE GETS A LITTLE JEALOUS. DO U THINK HE WILL? WHAT DOES YOUR GIFT THINK?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I MEANT WHAT DO U THINK HE WILL THINK IF I GET 15 MINUTES OF FAME.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi again, Steph.

Thanks so much for the great ratings on the survey! I'll look for it on their advertising page.

Too bad your lawyer wasn't there today; yes, you can find out on Monday if he has a definite date to air. I'm so glad your cousin has sent it to your whole family and they're proud of you--they SHOULD be! You're doing something really necessary and really great!

I think it will be on all FOX stations (that's where 'Insider' is made, right?) across Florida and even on the news in some other states! Yes, I think Perry's sister will see it in Tampa.You are NOT a loser! Why would you think that? You're fighting the good fight and you're doing what needs to be done; you're bringing this problem to the attention of the American people, so how are you a loser? Please don't think of yourself that way--you're a pioneer! Your lawyer IS cute. If Perry sees the interview, he might wonder if there's anything 'up' between you and him.......he doesn't know he's married! lol So, yes, he would feel a little jealous. If you get your 15 min. of fame, I think he'll be happy for you and proud of you.

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

U R SO SWEET! LET ME KNOW IF THEY PUT WHAT I SAID ON YOUR WEBSITE. I C THAT U GOT YOUR CUSTOMER AWARD TO NEXT TO YOUR NAME. I'M SO PROUD OF U. I FEEL LIKE A LOSER BECAUSE, I DON'T HAVE MY BIG PAY CHECK ANYMORE. PLUS, HOW EMBARRESSING FOR ME WHAT HE DID TO US. I WATCHED THIS VIDEO TODAY ON A.S. IN LOVE. THIS GUY, WHO HAS A.S. MADE A 45 MIN VIDEO. HE SAID, WHEN THEY LOVE IT FEELS 100 TIMES MORE STRONGER THAN A NORMAL PERSON. HE SAID, IF WE HAVE A FRIEND THAT IS A GIRL FOR LONGER THAN 5 YEARS WE R IN LOVE. HE SAID, IF WE R VERY ATTRACTED TO U AND R INTIMATE THEY R REALLY IN LOVE. HE SAID, BECAUSE, THEY R LITERAL PEOPLE. SO, IF A GIRL CAME UP AND HUGGED THEM THEY THINK THE GIRL WANTS THEM. IF THEY LOVE THE GIRL AND CAN'T HAVE HER THEY GET RID OF THEM OUT OF THEIR LIVES. IT'S JUST TOO HARD ON THEM. THEN THEY HARD TIME FUNCTIONING BECAUSE, THEY GO INTO A DEPRESSION. THIS MAKES SENSE THAT HE TOOK HIS PICTURE DOWN ON FACEBOOK. PLUS, UN FRIEND ME. NORMAL PEOPLE WHO UN FRIEND PEOPLE JUST COMPLETLY BLOCK THEM. BUT, IF U DO THAT HE CAN'T C MY F.B. PAGE. SO, HE TOLD ME HOW HE LOOKED AT MY F.B. PAGE EVERY DAY WHEN HE WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME.SO, NOW I JUST BLOW UP MY PAGE. I TELL EVERYTHING FUN I DO WITH MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. DO U THINK HE STILL LOOKS? TAMMY SAID, OH YES, HE STILL WATCHES U EVERYDAY. AFTER WATCHING THIS VIDEO TODAY I UNDERSTAND IT MUCH MORE. HE SAID, THEY DON'T KNOW THEY HURT PEOPLE. BUT, I TOLD HIM I WAS HURT. HE SHOULD KNOW THAT. DO U THINK THAT PERRY JUST FIGURES I WOULD NEVER MOVE BACK THERE SO,HE LET ME GO. THE VIDEO SAID, THEY R ALL OR NOTHING PEOPLE. THAT'S Y TAMMY SAID, I WOULD HAVE TO MOVE TO INTO HIS WORLD. MOVE UP THERE AND STAY WITH HIM. PLUS, I CAN'T LIVE HALF THERE AND HALF FLORIDA. IT HAS TO BE ALL IN MN. AFTER THEY CUT U OFF THEY GO INTO A DEPRESSION. MAYBE, THIS EXPLAINS THE YARD. PLUS, NOTHING NEW ON HIS F.B. PAGE ABOUT HIS OBSESSION WITH AUTOGRAPHS. HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO KNOW ANYTHING HE IS UP TO. I WANT HIM TO C WHAT I'M UP TO. BUT,THEN HE PROBABLY SAYS TO HIMSELF SHE WILL NEVER COME HERE. HE COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE I CAME THERE TO C HIM. DO U AGREE WITH THE VIDEO GUY. HE SAID IF HE CAN'T C HIS GIRLFRIEND FOR A DAY IT GETS DEPRESSED. DO U THINK PERRY HAS SUCH A LOW SELF-ESTEEM THAT HE THINKS I WOULD NEVER BE THEIR FOR HIM. TAMMY SAID, SHE THINKS HE HAS LOVED ME FOR SO LONG THAT HE CANT JUST BE MY FRIEND NOW. HE THINKS I WILL NOT MOVE THERE SO HE HAS TO CUT ME OFF. DO U AGREE. THE VIDEO ALSO, SAID , IF WE CUDDLE WITH U ALL NIGHT THEY REALLY R IN LOVE WITH U. DO U THINK HE LOVES ME AT ALL

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

R U STILL THERE.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph,

I'm here! I was helping another client. Please give me a few minutes to read your reply and then I'll send an answer.

Thanks for your patience!

Regards,
Cher
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi again, Steph.

Yes, I earned that Customer's Choice Award quite a while ago and I'm very proud of it. Thanks for saying you are proud of my accomplishments! : )

I'm so glad you watched that video. It is a complete mirror image of what happened with you and Perry. You knew some of this before, but hearing it from a guy who has the disorder is great. I feel right now, Perry is in a depression and he has been since you left. While he knows you had to return home, even though you promised to come back, you are not there now, with him, so he is upset and that's why he went into a depression. I don't doubt he loves you and would love for you to be there all the time; I know you love him, but as you've said previously, you're not sure you could deal with his disorder all the time. This has nothing to do with your friendship, your love for him, etc. It was an honest statement and I think it was a smart one.

No one thinks you're a loser for giving up a big salary. You did what you had to do because your rights were violated and they fired you for bogus reasons, to save their own necks. Well, now, they will see what this action brought them and they will realize what a big mistake they made. I hope everyone who was ever fired from a tribal owned casino under false pretenses, sues them after seeing your interview! If they break the law, they should have to pay the penalty, just like any other business. Perry certainly does not think you're a loser. When he sees the interview, he will understand. Don't send it to him; I'm sure either his sister will tell him about it or they might play it in MN.

Don't worry about the FB thing either. I'm glad you're posting 'happy' things on your page and when he's ready, he'll start posting back on his page.

Well, it's late now, so I'll say goodnight and hope you have a great night!

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

GOOD NIGHT! U R THE BEST. HAVE U EVER SEEN THE SHOW 2 BROKE GIRLS? WELL, IT'S ABOUT 2 WAITRESSES WHO R TRYING TO GET THEIR OWN CUPCAKE BUSINESS GOING. ONE OF THE GIRLS MAX IS HER NAME. HAS BIG BOOBS, BROWN HAIR AND SHE IS BOSSY AND FUNNY. WELL, ON PERRY'S FB PAGE HE WAS TELLING EVERYONE HOW MUCH HE LOVED HER. HE PUT IT ON HIS FB PAGE ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO. HE SAID, HE WAS GOING TO WRITE CBS TO THANK THEM FOR PUTTING HER ON THE SHOW. WELL, PERRY, DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I WENT BLONDE UNTIL I SENT HIM PICTURES OF ME IN FEBRUARY. I HAVE BEEN BLONDE FOR A LONG TIME. I USED TO HAVE BIGGER BREASTS TOO. I HAD A REDUCTION WHEN I WAS 23. THEY REMOVED 10 POUNDS FROM THEM. YES, IT WAS HORRIBLE HAVING THEM. I'M WITH THEM NOW. WHEN I READ THAT THE OTHER DAY I WAS LIKE THAT'S ME. DARK HAIR, BIG BOOBS AND I USED TO BOSS HIM AROUND. I STILL KIND OF DO THAT. IF HE DOESN'T GET BACK TO ME. HE HAD TO THINK OF ME. WHEN I WATCH DAVID LETTERMAN I THINK OF HIM. HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HIM HIS HUMOR IS JUST THE SAME. I JUST WATCHED ANOTHER VIDEO ABOUT A.S. AND SOCIAL DISORDER IN MEN WHEN THEY WANT A WOMEN. THE GUY WAS 36 AND HARDLY EVER HAD BEEN WITH MANY WOMEN. HE SAID, THEY LIVE IN FEAR THAT THEY WILL BE REJECTED WHEN THE WOMEN FEEL THEY AREN'T GETTING WHAT THEY WANT. HE SAID, UNLESS A WOMEN COMES TO THEM AND SAYS, I WILL NEVER LEAVE U.I WILL ALWAYS BE HER FOR U. HE SAID, THOSE WOMEN DON'T EXIST. HE LIKES HIS NEIGHBOR BUT, IT IS TO SCARED TO TALK TO HER. BECAUSE, IF THEY WENT OUT AND WASN'T AS MUCH FUN AS HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. BUT, THE GIRL HAD A GREAT TIME. HE WOULD BE AFRAID OF RUNNING HER OFF. HE SAID, HE HATES LIVING LIKE THIS. THEY THAT ALSO CONFLICTED WITH I KNOW I LOVE HER BUT, IS IT WORTH IT. WHAT IF THEY TREAT ME BAD. BREAK MY STUFF. WELL PERRY KNOWS I WOULD NEVER BREAK HIS STUFF. BUT, LOOK WHAT HIS X DID TO HIM. NOW, I UNDERSTAND Y HE IS SCARED AND CONFLICTED. I KNOW WE BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER. NOW I KNOW HOW MUCH THEY LOVE U. NOW, I GET THE I'M NOT FEELING IT COMMENTS WHEN HE IS STRESSED. I GET Y HE IS CONFLICTED. HE LOVES ME BUT, HE THINKS I WOULD NEVER MOVE THERE FOR HIM. I GUESS THE LOW SELF ESTEEM IN HIM THINKS THIS AS WELL. SO, HE HAS TO STEP AWAY TO PROTECT HIMSELF. I UNDERSTAND Y HE DOES WHAT HE DOES NOW. HE CAN'T HAVE THIS DISORDER AND TELL ME EVERYDAY HOW ALL HE DID WAS THINK ABOUT ME. THEN, NOT CARE. NOT AFTER 27 YEARS. I C Y NOW, I DO HAVE TO GO BACK AND TELL HIM I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I KNOW HE WILL SAY I'M NOT FEELING IT. I WILL SAY, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE EVER. I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 27 YEARS. NOW, LETS JUST GO HAVE FUN. I KNOW HE WILL FIGHT ABOUT GETTING CLOSE. BUT, I WONT LEAVE. I GET HIM. I KNOW NO ONE ELSE DOES. CHER, NOW THAT I UNDERSTAND IT A LOT MORE I CAN DO THIS. CHER, THE ONLY PART I DON'T GET IS I TOLD HIM I WAS HURT IN THE LETTER. HE WOULD ALWAYS TELL ME I WILL NEVER HURT U. NOW HE KNOWS HE HAS Y DOESN'T HE TRY TO FIX IT. DO U THINK HE REALLY JUST BECAME AN A--HOLE TO ME. BECAUSE, HE IS. DOES YOUR GIFT TELL U IF I GO THERE AND TELL HIM I DON'T CARE I'M NOT LEAVING. DO U THINK HE WILL LET ME IN. DOES HIS BEHAVIOR SEEM THAT OF A.S. OR A--HOLE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BE MEAN TO ANYONE. WHAT DO U THINK. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER R U THERE?

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi again, Steph and thanks for your kind words; they really mean a lot to me!

I'm here!

I was just writing your answer.

Yes, I do watch 'Two Broke Girls' and I love that character of Max!

I'm sure Perry thinks of you, but as you heard from both those men with A.S. who made the videos, there is a 'special' way to love a man with A.S. and a 'different' way of treating them and being treated (for the woman), due to their disorder. I'm so glad you're educating yourself more, on the subject! It's very important and very smart of you!

I feel if you go to Perry he will not slam the door in your face. Right now, I think his behavior is partially due to the A.S. which makes it seem like he's acting like an a-hole, but he can't help it; this is how he acts/operates and how his mind works. He's afraid to keep up your friendship/keep loving you because he doesn't want to hurt you and doesn't think you will be willing to tolerate or understand his behavior, and he wants to 'save' you from this. He's not trying to hurt you purposely, but I feel perhaps, he's trying to get you to be mad at HIM and not want to come back BECAUSE he loves you. Yes, he does have low self esteem, and doesn't think he's worthy of you. He doesn't want to see you (in his mind) 'throw' your life away on him, that's why he's staying away and staying silent for now.

Warmest wishes,
Cher

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

DO U THINK HE KNOWS HE IS DIFFERENT WITH HIS THINKING. THESE VIDEOS I WATCH, THESE PEOPLE HAVE WENT TO GET HELP BY PROFESSIONALS. WELL, I'M NOT SURE OF THE GUY WHO SAID, WE CAN'T FIND WOMEN THAT WILL SAY, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. HE IS 36, HE DIDN'T SEEM TO HAVE HAD HELP. IT WAS SAD TO WATCH HIM. I KNOW I TOLD PERRY TO GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING BEFORE, HE GOT DIVORCED. I SAID, U NEED TO TRY EVERYTHING U CAN TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. U DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY REGRETS. HE SAID, I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT. I SAID, U NEED TO GO AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT Y U LET PEOPLE TREAT U THIS WAY. HE SAID, NOTHING. DO U WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY? WELL, I JUST WATCHED IT. SHELDON ON THERE REMINDS ME OF PERRY. R U SURE PERRY IS ACTING LIKE THIS OF HIS DISORDER? BUT, I GUESS A NORMAL FRIEND WOULDN'T DO THIS. SO DO U REALLY BELIEVE HE KNOWS HE HAS A DISORDER? I'M SURE HIS X TOLD HIM HE WAS DIFFERENT ALL THE TIME.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph.

If he was never actually diagnosed or told he had this disorder, he may not know it technically, but, he does know he's different and has different reactions to situations than people who don't have the disorder. Didn't you tell me that he told you he had it, a while ago? Maybe his parents took him to counselors when he was younger and that's why he rejected your suggestion of going to marriage counseling because 'counseling' brings up bad memories. His ex may have told him he was different all the time, but you told me he was always 'different', since you've known him. I can't believe his ex took such advantage of him in the way she did; that was so not right! Did he ever say what was the reason for the divorce?

Yes, I don't watch it on a regular basis, but I know the Big Bang Theory and know the character Sheldon. I can understand why he reminds you of Perry.

Warmest regards,
Cher

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

HE SAID, THEY ALWAYS FOUGHT. REMEMBER, THE TERRIBLE THINGS HER SON DID TO HIM. SHE ALWAYS SIDED WITH HIM. EVEN THOUGH HE WAS DOING DRUGS IN THE HOME. THAT'S Y PERRY KICKED HIM OUT. HE WAS FORCED TO MARRY HER BY HIS FAMILY. PERRY, HAS A GOOD HEART. HE IS NOT AS BAD AS SHELDON. I TOLD PERRY, I THOUGHT HE HAS A.S. HE SAID, IS THAT BUTT ---- I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT OTHER WORD HE PUT WITH IT. SO, I THOUGHT U HEARD OF THAT. BECAUSE, HE'S RESPONSE WAS SO QUICK. I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WAS DIFFERENT BECAUSE, HE STAYED WITH A GIRL IN HIS 20'S HE NEVER SAW. MY MOM EVEN SEND PERRY, LIVES IN A FOG. SHE SAID, HE WAS ALWAYS DIFFERENT. LOUIE SAID, U DIDN'T MARRY HIM BECAUSE, HE WAS A GEEK. WHICH I NEVER THOUGHT. HE WOULD JUST SAY INAPROPIATE THINGS ALL THE TIME. HE USED TO CALL ME WHEN KAYLA WAS 2, 3, 4 AND SAY PUT HER ON THE PHONE. SO I DID. HE WOULD SAY TO HER SAY POOPY BUTT. THEN, SHE WOULD. HE WOULD HAVE HER SAY JUST STUPID THINGS. THEN I WOULD GRAB THE PHONE BACK AND SAY PERRY, KNOCK IT OFF. HE WOULD LAUGH. SO, NOW I SAY OH I GET PAYBACKS WITH CHLOE. C NO BOUNDRIES. DON'T U THINK PERRY JUST FIGURES I WOULDN'T MOVE THERE FOR HIM. MAYBE, I BUGGED HIM ABOUT THE JOHN THING TO MUCH. BUT, I HAVE HAD ONLY HAD 2 ATTEMPTS TO TRY TO TALK TO HIM IN OVER A MONTH. SO, I HAVE STAYED AWAY. DO U THINK HE IS TELLING HIMSELF THANK GOD I'M RID OF HER. SHE GOT THE HINT. BUT, WE HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER. DO U THINK HE THINKS I WONT MOVE FOR HIM SO HE SAID, I'M NOT FEELING IT WHEN I GOT HOME. I ALWAYS WONDERED Y WE COULDN'T KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP UP AS I TRAVELED BACK AND FORTH.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph,

I'm eating dinner. I'll send you my answer in a little bit.

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

HAVE A GREAT DINNER!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

R U THERE.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.

Hi Steph,

I'm here now.

I just had your entire answer typed and hit the wrong button and lost it! SO frustrating!

If he doesn't have A.S., he acts like he does have some type of disorder. He does have a good heart and is very smart, but his social skills are not always appropriate and he's 'unfiltered'. He's easily 'lead' by people, like his ex and yes, I remember now, about the son doing drugs in their house; he took the upper hand THEN, and threw him out! Good for HIM!

I don't think he believed you when you said you'd fly back and forth to see him often; we both know you meant it, but he just didn't believe it would really happen. Perhaps that's why he went into 'self protective' mode and decided not to communicate with you, to avoid the hurt he thought he may experience, if you never came back or didn't keep your promise to keep coming back.

Please rate positively if you found my answer helpful. Thanks!

Warmest regards,
Cher

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

IF HE'S EASILY LEAD THEN, Y WANT WON'T HE TALK ME? I MEAN I USE TO BE ABLE TO ALWAYS GET HIM TO CALL OR DO WHAT I THOUGHT WAS BEST FOR HIM. MY COUSIN WHO'S DAUGHTER HAS A.S. SHE SAID, IF HE WONT TALK TO U NOW U CAN'T MAKE HIM. I DO BELIEVE HE STAYS AWAY BECAUSE, ITS TOO HARD TO THINK I WOULD MOVE THERE. BUT, CANT HE THINK WELL, IF I WE KEEP TALKING AND TEXTING, PHONE SEX WE CAN KEEP THIS GOING. R U SURE THAT HE KNOWS HE THINKS DIFFERENTLY. MY COUSIN SAID, HE HAS A.S. PLUS HE IS AN A--HOLE. I DO LOVE HIM. WOULD U TRY IF U WERE ME? I'M REALLY SCARED WE WILL NOT TALK FOR YEARS. R U POSITIVE HE HAS A DISORDER. HE SEEMS TO HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DIFFERENT TO ME. R U SURE THIS IS NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR THEM. HOW DOES HE KNOW HE'S THINKING WOULD RUN ME OFF? DO U REALLY THINK HE THINKS I'M TOO GOOD FOR HIM? IS HE JUST GOING TO IGNORE ME FOR YEARS? I'M GOING TO GIVE THIS MY ALL. DO U THINK HE WILL JUST KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph,

Yes, I agree, he stays away because it's too hard to think about you moving there. He may be afraid of you moving there and seeing him more often, you will see more of his imperfections. I think he knows he thinks differently, but he doesn't think about it much; it's just the way he is. It's too difficult to answer the question: "would you try if you were me?' For the moment, I would give him his space, but I certainly wouldn't allow him to not talk to me for years. He doesn't think you're too good for him, he's just afraid to make a commitment with someone he knows so well. It's HIS fear or apprehension that is stopping him from talking to you. You did nothing wrong. I don't think he'll keep pushing you away, but right now the situation is still to 'raw' to tackle. That's why he needs his space and you can try to contact him again in the near future. He's going through 'something' now, and doesn't want to share it with you. You can't push too hard, because I think it makes him more nervous. You've already told him how you feel and that his not speaking to you is hurting your feelings. I still have to go back to my original advice of writing him a letter and expressing all your thoughts to him; you can give him an ultimatum, but not in this letter--and it must be either handwritten or done on the computer and mailed through snail mail. If you ask for a response via email, letter, text, phone, and you get none, your next communication can be an ultimatum and say after all we've been through together, if you no longer love me and you no longer want to be friends, either tell me or just don't respond--then I'll have my answer. If you don't want to throw away so many years of friendship, please respond and tell me your thoughts, or even just a few words, to let me know you want to continue to communicate--that's it, just communicate--no strings attached. (something like that).

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER, I TRIED RATING U AND THERE IS A PROBLEM IT SAID, I HAVE TO CALL THAT MAIN NUMBER AGAIN. THIS IS MAKING ME MAD. NOW THEY OWE U 4. I WILL WRITE THE LETTER. NOT NOW THERE. I WILL GIVE HIM HIS SPACE. FOR A FEW MONTHS. DO U THINK ALL OF HIS FEELINGS FOR ME WILL ME GONE BY THEN. I WOULD LET YEARS GO BY WITHOUT TRYING TO TALK TO HIM. Y WOULDN'T U WANT TO TRY SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE U KNOW SO WELL? I THINK HE THINKS I LIVE IN FLORIDA SO HE WOULD JUST C NO POINT IN HAVING TO TALK. I WILL GO THERE IN A FEW MONTHS. I WILL TELL HIM I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. JUST LIKE THAT VIDEO SAID. HE WILL TRY TO PUSH ME AWAY. I WILL SAY, I'M HERE I WILL BE HERE FOR AWHILE WE WILL HANG OUT AND HAVE FUN. HE IS STUBBORN, BUT, I KNOW I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG TO HIM. SO, THERE IS NO REASON WERE FRIENDS. R U SURE THIS IS BECAUSE HE CARES FOR ME. OR HAS JUST DECIDED HE DOESN'T WANT ME IN HIS LIFE. I WILL HAVE TO GO C HIM IN PERSON TO STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT. I KNOW HE JUST AVOIDS THINGS HE DOESN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH. I HAVE TO GET BACK IN MY LIFE.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph.

Thank you for your intention to rate me. I think the problem is that you already rated me on this thread, that's why I've suggested opening a new question after you rate me, because additional ratings usually will not go through.

Ok, good, give him his space and don't write the letter right now; waiting a few months is good. No, I don't think all his feelings for you will be gone by then. If he truly cares about you, the feelings don't disappear instantly. You know him for so many years! I said he might not want a commitment with someone he knows so well because you're also someone who knows HIM so well. You've seen his vulnerable side; you've seen evidence of his disorder and he may feel very self-conscious about this.

You do have to go see him in person to straighten this out and find out what his thoughts are. You know he avoids things he doesn't want to deal with and he's in an uncomfortable position right now, knowing he should be communicating with you, but feeling uneasy doing it because he's conflicted due to his disorder. He does care for you but you're right, he doesn't think you will really come back and doesn't think you will stay for any period of time. He doesn't think you're lying when you said you will, it's just in his mind, when you say it, he doesn't think it's possible because he's doubting himself and his feelings.

Please start a new question for me, and then you will be able to rate. Thanks!

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

DO U THINK HE DOUBTS HIS FEELINGS FOR ME TO PROTECT HIM. LIKE IN HIS MIND IT JUST SEEMS TO DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO IMAGINE I WOULD MOVE THERE. WHAT DO U MEAN HE IS DOUBTING HIMSELF AND HIS FEELINGS? IN HIS MIND DOES IT MEAN HE FEELS I WOULD NOT MOVE THERE FOR HIM?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

R U STILL UP?

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph.

Yes, I'm still up, but about to sign offline.

He's not doubting his feelings for you, but he IS trying to protect himself because, yes, in his mind it seems to difficult to imagine you moving there. He's not doubting his feelings for you; he's doubting that you would want to move there or even keep going back and forth because he feels he's not worthy of you doing that, even though you said you would. That's what I meant.

Ok, I'm going to have to say goodnight for now, and please try to open a new question for me so I can get rated. Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX it!

Enjoy the rest of your night!
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

GOOD NIGHT! I WILL START A NEW QUESTION TOMORROW. THANKS, XXXXX XXXXX WELL, I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HIM FOR 25 YEARS. I CAN WAIT A FEW MORE MONTHS. DOES YOUR GIFT THINK WHEN I SHOW UP IN A FEW MONTHS, AND TELL HIM I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE HE WILL START TO C A FUTURE WITH US. PLUS, BE HAPPY ABOUT IT?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

RU THERE?

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph,

I'm here now.

You said you would open a new question for me today. Can you please do that now?

Thanks,
Cher
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph,

I haven't heard from you in a while and hope everything is alright with you and the family. Please let me know, as I'm concerned. Thanks!

Also, you had said you would open a new question for me but I never received one. I also never got paid for the 4 ratings you said you gave me, that didn't come through. You said Customer Service would see to it that I received my payments. There has been no progress on that.

What have you heard from your lawyer about the divorce and the lawsuit? Have you heard from Perry?

I hope all is well!
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER, I WILL OPEN AN NEW QUESTION FOR U LATER TODAY. i HAVE TO GET MY C.C. FROM LOUIE. I CALLED BILLING. THEY R SUPPOSE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR ME. I WILL ALSO RATE U AGAIN TONIGHT. LOTS TO TELL. I WENT BACK TO OUR FAMILY THERAPIST. I TOLD HER ALL ABOUT PERRY. I TOLD HER WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO. SHE LOVES LOUIE.SHE THINKS HE IS A GOOD GUY WHO JUST GOT WRAPPED INTO SOMETHING.SHE BELIEVES THEY NEVER HAD SEX EITHER. BUT, SHE UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL. SHE WATCHED THE INTERVIEW. SHE AGREED WITH U THAT I DID GREAT. SHE MADE ME FEEL BETTER. I TOLD HER I FEEL LIKE A LOSER THAT THIS HAPPENED TO ME. SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE? I TOLD HER NOT RIGHT NOW. I WANT MY CAREER BACK SHE AGREED THAT IT WOULD FILL THE VOID INSIDE ME. I TOLD HER ABOUT PERRY HAVING A.S. SHE SAID, THAT THEY R DIFFICULT PEOPLE TO LIVE WITH. THEY LIKE THEIR SPACE. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY PLANE TO TRAVEL BACK AND FORTH FOR AWHILE. SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS THE BEST PLAN. SHE THOUGHT IT WAS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS. SHE SAID, PERRY WOULD LOVE THAT WITH HAVING A.S. I CANT BELIEVE SHE SAID THAT. SH WANTS ME TO MAKE SURE I HAVE ALL THE KNOWLEDGE I HAVE BEFORE I START MAKING ANY DECISIONS WITH MY LIFE. SHE SAID, SHE WOULD GET PERRY BACK TALKING TO ME IF I DID AS SHE TOLD ME TO DO. SHE SAID, I SCARED HIM OFF. I AGREE. SHE SAID, HE IS SCREAMING IT. BY NOT RETURNING MY CALLS OR TEXTS. I TOLD HER I HAVEN'T TRIED TO CONTACT HIM IN A MONTH. SHE HAD ME TEXT HIM HOW SORRY I AM THAT I MADE HIM FEEL REALLY UNCOFORTABLE. I HOPE THIS WORKS. WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT THIS? SHE SAID, IF I START TALKING TO HIM I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MN FOR AWHILE. I HOPE THIS WORKS. I WILL GET BACK TO U LATER ON TONIGHT.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph,

Thanks for letting me know everything is okay. I was worried when I didn't hear back from you!

I'm glad you saw your family therapist and discussed this all with her. I agree with her way of thinking. I think her advice to text him what you did, was good. It might make him feel a little better and more confident in communicating with you again, but don't be suprised or hurt if he still doesn't return your text or call you, etc. right away. I certainly hope he does!

I'll look forward to you getting back to me later tonight and also opening a new question for me. If I'm not at the computer at that particular time, you know I will respond as soon as I can. Just make sure to include my name in the new question. Thanks!

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER, I WONT BE ABLE TO START A NEW THREAD UNTIL LATER ON TONIGHT. I NEED MY C.C. I CAN'T BELIEVE MY THERAPIST SAID THAT. SHE REALLY LIKES LOUIE. BUT, SHE KNOWS I HAVEN'T GOTTEN PAST THIS. PERRY, HASN'T GOT BACK TO ME. I KNOW HE WON'T FOR AWHILE IF EVER. MY THERAPIST SAID FOR ME TO KEEP SENDING THE TEXT EVERY 4 DAYS. JUST KEEP SAYING I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO COME ON SO STRONG TO U. I ONLY WANT MY FRIEND BACK. SO, I WILL DO THAT. I GO BACK ON THURSDAY TO C HER AGAIN. I WILL DO WHAT SHE SAYS TO DO NEXT. I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE TOLD ME I HAVE TO GO BACK THERE. DO U C THIS WORKING? DO U C HIM TALKING TO ME AGAIN? DO U THINK HE WILL GET SICK OF ME SENDING HIM TEXTS HOW SORRY I AM. DO U C ME GOING BACK THERE? MY THERAPIST SAYS, MY LAWSUIT WILL SETTLE. THAT'S HOW COME SHE SAID I SHOULD COME AND GO. DO U C ME DOING THIS? DO U THINK I WILL C PERRY SOON?

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi again, Steph.

Ok, starting a question for me tonight is fine.

No, I didn't think he'd get right back to you, that's why I said to be prepared and not take it to heart. It's going to take a while for him to get over this or deal with it, as he might never get completely 'over' it, considering his disorder and sensitive feelings.

Texting every 4 days is good, and say what your therapist suggested. Just be sincere (which I know you have always been) and tell him how you miss sharing things with him and his friendship.

She told you you have to go back there to prove to him that all you want is his friendship back and yes, I see you talking to him again, but can't say for sure, when. If he should respond eventually, yes, you will see him again but not as soon as you thought. Wait for the lawsuit to settle before making any plans to go there. Even if you don't go back and forth, in the near future, you will need to make at least one more trip to settle things in person with him. You both need closure; you, more than him, because he thinks differently. If he opens up to you and you can discuss this whole thing with him and both feel much better about the 'misunderstanding' (maybe you should call it that and it will help him feel better), then I do see you going back and forth.

Speak to you later.

Warmest regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER, I WOULD NEVER BRING THIS UP TO HIM. I'M OVER THE GUN-SHY THING. THE ONLY THING I WOULD SAY TO HIM IS I'M HERE AND I'M NOT GOING ANY WHERE. I WOULD JUST KEEP SAYING THAT. I WOULD JUST APOLOGIZE TO HIM AND LEAVE IT AS THAT. I WOULD TELL HIM TO TELL ME WHEN I MAKE HIM TO UNCOMFORTABLE. SO I CAN MAKE SURE U DON'T DO IT AGAIN. WHEN I TEXTED HIM I SAID, HI, I KNOW WE HAVEN'T BEEN TALKING. I'M SOOO SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. I MISS MY FRIEND. WE HAVE BEEN IN EACH OTHERS LIVES FOR OVER 25 YEARS. i DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT. u ASKED ME TO COME THERE AND I HAD A GREAT TIME WITH U. BUT, IT WASN'T WORTH IT IF I LOST MY FRIEND. I OWN WHAT I DID. I'M SORRY IF I CAME OFF STRONG. OR, IF I MADE IT SEEM LIKE ALL I WANTED WAS A RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE, I'M ASKING U TO FORGIVE ME AND BE MY FRIEND. I'VE LOST SO MUCH THESE PAST 2 YEARS, I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE U TOO. U DON'T HAVE TO GET BACK TOME RIGHT AWAY. I WILL BE HERE WHEN U WANT TO TALK. I PROMISE WE WILL KEEP IT LIGHT. WE WILL ONLY TALK ABOUT WHAT U WANT TO TALK ABOUT. PLEASE, FORGIVE ME. BE MY FRIEND. WHAT DO U THINK? MY THERAPIST SAID, SHE WILL TEACH ME TO UNDERSTAND HIS DISORDER SO I C HIS SIDE OF THINGS. SHE SAID, ONCE SHE GETS ME TO UNDERSTAND HIM THEN I WILL KNOW HOW TO MAKE THIS WORK. SHE SAID, WHEN I GO THERE I HAVE TO TAKE IT SLOW. SHE SAID A.S. PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL BECAUSE, THEY R SO RIGID WITH EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT AND ROUTINE. SHE ALSO SAID, IT HAS TO BE HIS IDEA ABOUT GOING TO C HIM BECAUSE, OF HIS DISORDER. BUT, SHE SAYS SHE WILL TEACH ME HOW TO DO ALL OF THIS. WHEN I GO BACK SHE WANTS ME TO STAY. SHE SAID, HE WILL THEN GET MORE COMFORTABLE WITH ME AND THE SEX WILL BE GREAT. SHE SAID, HE WAS TO NERVOUS BEFORE BECAUSE, OF HIS DISORDER. BUT, WE BOTH KNOW THIS. WELL, I DO LOVE HIM. SO I WILL LEARN ABOUT HIS DISORDER. I HOPE THIS WORKS. BUT, SHE HAS BEEN GUIDING ME FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS SO I TRUST HER. WHAT DO U THINK OF THE TEXT I SENT. I'M AFRAID HE WILL GET SICK OF THE TEXTS EVERY 4 DAYS AND CHANGE HIS NUMBER. DO U THINK I'M CRAZY FOR THINKING THIS. IF A.S. IS OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND THEN HOW DO I KNOW HE IS EVEN THINKING OF ME ANYMORE? HOW MANY PEOPLE DO U KNOW THAT LOVES SOMEONE SO MUCH THEY WILL LEARN THEIR DISORDER. DO U THINK HE KNOWS THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD LOVE HIM LIKE I DO? DO U THINK I BLEW IT WITH HIM ALREADY?

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steph.

No, I don't think you blew it with him, already. There is always hope, especially if you can get him to talk and you keep talking. I'm so glad your therapist is going to school you on his disorder. It will make it so much easier on you when you know exactly how to communicate with him best and in terms/actions that resonate with him. You're really showing him you love him by taking the time to learn about his disorder so you can make a successful relationship with him.

What you said was good, but it bothers me that you apologize so much. Once, twice, four times, is enough. HE invited you to come, after all the phone sex, because, it seemed he really wanted to see you and 'consummate' in person, what you started on the phone. Yes, there were things he may think you did wrong, when you left and after you got home (like the John thing, which you had no idea would make him go off the deep end), but you've apologized ad nauseam and if you and your therapist think this is a good way to approach it, go ahead. Perhaps he 'needs' you to keep apologizing......

Best regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER,I WISH U COULD MEET MY THERAPIST. I FEEL LIKE U GUYS R MY TEAM GUIDING ME THROUGH ALL OF THIS. THIS APOLOGIZING THING IS GETTING OLD. BUT, I'M DOING WHAT SHE TOLD ME TO DO. SHE WAS RIGHT THOUGH I DO NEED TO TELL HIM I HAVE TO C THIS FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW AS WELL AS MINE. U DON'T SEEM SO SURE I HAVEN'T BLOWN IT WITH HIM ALREADY. YES, I'M GOING TO LEARN ABOUT HIS DISORDER BUT, HE WILL NEVER KNOW I DID THIS. SINCE IT IS OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND AND I'M NOT THERE SO DO U THINK HE EVEN THINKS OF ME ANY MORE? DO U THINK HE KNOWS I WOULD BE THE BEST PERSON FOR HIM TO BE WITH. DO U THINK HE WILL FIND LOVE WITH ANOTHER PERSON BEFORE WE TALK AGAIN?


 

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.

Hi Steph,

I think it's a good idea not to tell him you're learning about his disorder. It is to help you understand more and know how to react to certain things that won't set off a reaction, like the one you're experiencing now, with no communication on his part.

There is no way he will find love with another person before you talk again, unless maybe it's a person with his same disorder. the odds of that are not very high. Once you know more about how to handle him with his disorder he will think you are the best person to be with, unless his stubbornness prevents him from realizing this.

You haven't done anything 'big' enough to have blown it with him. You still have a chance to continue being friends after you learn more about his disorder and how to handle him.

Steph, I have to sign offline now for a little while, so if you could please manage to open that new question for me, later, I'd appreciate it. I love talking with you and sending you answers to help you, but I am receiving no compensation. Thanks very much.

Best regards,
Cher

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER, THANK U FOR EVERYTHING. I WILL OPEN AN NEW QUESTION FOR U LATER TONIGHT. U R THE BEST.

Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.
You're most welcome, Steph and thanks for your kind words. I do appreciate them and want to continue to help you; you're a very sweet, unselfish person who deserves the best!

I'll look for your new question later tonight.

Best regards,
Cher (no reply necessary, as I will be offline)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

CHER, I'M GOING TO START A NEW QUESTION. THANKS.

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Cher
Cher
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M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist